Atheists? How do you deal with religious people?

[CalicoKitty]

I'm an atheist. I am uncomfortable around religious situations. I haven't started nursing school yet (14 weeks to go). I'm concerned with being confronted with people that would ask me to "Pray for them" and stuff. I don't know if this is a common occurrence among patients, etc. Aside from not wanting to be included in religious sentiments, I also am very uncomfortable with lying. I think I would find moral difficulty with saying "Okay" to someone that would ask me to pray for them.

I'd prefer to hear from atheists how they deal with situations like that. I'd rather not get into a religion discussion, if it can be avoided.

I was trying to search for old threads, but the links from the search engine are not going to the correct pages.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

Roman, I'm sorry that you feel so hurt by the response to you in this thread. I hope that you can re-read what you wrote and see where someone might have been offended, even if they don't "hate God." I can't hate a being in which I do not believe.

Again, I'm sorry you feel so attacked. You were certainly outnumbered but again, and I say this with kind intentions, try to see this from the point of view of those you were addressing.

And maybe those on the other side can reciprocate. I have to again say, that in just sitting here reading this thread tonight, it did feel like people were jumping on one poster.

steph

[SanDiegoScrubs2010]

Absolutely13,

If you think that ridicule will somehow make me respond in anger, it won't work. I refuse to speak to any of you in the tone of rage you have used against me. You claim I haven't used respect, when in fact respect is the very reason I have not insulted any of you. If not for me, for the profession of nursing please stop the attacks.

Wow. Maybe you should reread your posts. Everyone seems to feel that you have launched some pretty nasty attacks. I imagine you are more respectful toward your patients, partly because the subject probably doesn't come up very often and partly because it's hard to tell someone to their face that they "hate God" or any of the other accusations you have made. Be careful in your assumptions about people.

Otherwise, I have enjoyed this thread! It's nice to get some perspective from experienced nurses. I'm comfortable with telling someone "I'll think of you" or sitting with them while they pray or whatever helps them. I'm not sure, but I think there's pretty good research supporting the notion that prayer, sharing positive thoughts, etc. help people to heal or at least to feel better.

I know that when I was religious it colored my whole outlook; now my entire perspective on the world has changed, but that was a difficult and personal process and I respect how important other people's beliefs are to them (even if they don't all respect mine!). Some of my friends who are lifelong atheists cannot understand where religious people are coming from and pretty much equate their beliefs with thinking that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are real, or being weak and needing to believe some all-powerful being cares about them, or not being able to think for themselves, or whatever. But I know that I am not any smarter or any more of an independent thinker now that my outlook has changed. I just see things in a different light. I've always questioned things, and when I believed in God it felt like a personal relationship to me. I didn't automatically believe everything that people in my church or my religious literature said. So I try not to make assumptions about other people based on their religion. It does raise my hackles (and I wish it wouldn't, but I'm working on it) when people try to impose their beliefs on me or others in a pushy way, or are intolerant of other people, or are judgmental of others without practicing what they preach, but that has more to do with those individuals than with their religion.

[Atheos]

I just wanted to point out that preaching about beliefs goes above and beyond the followers of Jesus.

Oh, I agree!

I just usually mention evangelicals because it would be pointless to mention a religion that say has a majority in Tibet but literally no presence here.

[Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN]

Oh, I agree!

I just usually mention evangelicals because it would be pointless to mention a religion that say has a majority in Tibet but literally no presence here.

Very true.

Hey, how come you quoted me but it says "Absolutely13?"

Eeeerie....

You sure you don't believe in the supernatural, Stanley? I think we have some spirits afoot!

I kid.

*~Jess~*

[Absolutely13]

Very true.

Hey, how come you quoted me but it says "Absolutely13?"

Eeeerie....

You sure you don't believe in the supernatural, Stanley? I think we have some spirits afoot!

I kid.

*~Jess~*

I'm thinking, "Did I write that?"

[Atheos]

Not sure HOW that happened but I fixed it.

[back2thebooks]

Why I love America.....

Freedom of religion.

Freedom of speech.

If something offends you, don't read it or turn around and walk away from the conversation. Simple!

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

[Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN]

Yep, cause you could change the title to anything and we all just have to learn to deal with it.

Like, people who don't like olives? How am I supposed to be friends with people like that?

Or more seriously - how does a man who hates cats and loves dogs marry a women who has 4 cats?

Or how do I deal with taking care of a convicted child molester who is my hospice patient?

Or how do I deal with having dinner at a relative's home where they are serving liver?

Or . . . . well, you get the message. You just be polite and treat people with respect and get to know a cat or two. And spit the liver in your napkin.

steph

Well put, Steph!

You know what's funny? I have no problems dating a non-Christian (or marrying one, although I'm far from that at the moment!) but if a guy was a Yankees fan, pulled for Jeff Gordon, or didn't like the Beatles...I'd have to think long and hard before considering a relationship with him.

Anyway, I realize I've replied to posts, but not replied to Loner!

I am a born-again Christian but am not the best when it comes to praying with people. To me, my relationship with God is a very personal one, and aside from my ridiculously close group of friends in my women's Bible study in college, I'm not one for group prayer. It's not that I disagree with it, it's just one thing I struggle with, mostly because I wasn't raised a praying person.

I don't recall many examples of being asked to pray for or with a patient. If asked to pray with a patient, I'd probably ask if the patient would prefer a member of spiritual services. If the patient didn't want that, I'd offer to "stay with you while you pray, if you'd like." That way I wouldn't have to participate if I became uncomfortable. (For example, if a person venerated to the Virgin Mary, I'd not want to join in, but would stay because my PRESENCE is what is important to the patient at that moment.)

If the patient asked me to keep him or her in my prayers, I would agree, because I do pray. If I weren't a pray-er, I'd use this as another opportunity to utilize the chaplains. I might say something like "I've been thinking of you and hoping everything turns out just fine. I'm going to continue to do that! I know I'm doing my best to take care of you, and you're doing your best to get better!" That sort of changes the subject and doesn't really dodge the question entirely.

I did pray out loud once...I was doing my preceptorship in the NICU and my patient was post-op, in liver and respiratory failure, and her adoptive parents drove five hours through the mountains to see her because we thought she was going to die that day. (Her birth mother gave up her rights and a kind family adopted her but couldn't take her home yet, of course). The family, like my preceptor, was of the same belief system that I had. The chaplain came down and Mama, Daddy, big brother, big sister, RN, chaplain and I joined a circle and all prayed. My preceptor asked beforehand if I would be comfortable in that situation, and I told her I would. She didn't make me feel like I had to participate, and neither did the baby's family.

As for being asked "do you believe in God/Jesus/Heaven/the divinity of Chuck Norris/the flying spaghetti monster?" I'd be honest if I agreed with the patient, and if I didn't, I'd say "my beliefs aren't important. I'm here to take care of you, and if you need someone else to help with spiritual support, I can help you get in touch with that person. I'm here for you, so let me know how I can help you."

If a person doesn't agree to disagree, that's an entirely different story. Just remember to remain therapeutic and professional in communication with patients and family. It's not your fault if someone else can't treat you the same way, so don't go out of your way to hide who you are. I don't wave my Christianity around like a banner, but I'm not going to keep it a deep dark secret. I know for someone who isn't a part of the Judeo-Christian belief families, it must be more difficult to not feel the need to keep queit, because of the unfortunate behavior of the intolerant. Don't be ashamed of who you are. We're all adults here and know more likely than not what reactions we'll receive concerning our beliefs. I've been laughed at for what I believe, I'm sure you have as well, but I know that's a possibility so I just shrug it off and realize it's not my problem, it's the other person's problem.

I wish you the best.

*~Jess~*

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

Right back at you Jess - well put!

steph

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

Well put, Steph!

You know what's funny? I have no problems dating a non-Christian (or marrying one, although I'm far from that at the moment!) but if a guy was a Yankees fan, pulled for Jeff Gordon, or didn't like the Beatles...I'd have to think long and hard before considering a relationship with him.

Anyway, I realize I've replied to posts, but not replied to Loner!

I am a born-again Christian but am not the best when it comes to praying with people. To me, my relationship with God is a very personal one, and aside from my ridiculously close group of friends in my women's Bible study in college, I'm not one for group prayer. It's not that I disagree with it, it's just one thing I struggle with, mostly because I wasn't raised a praying person.

I don't recall many examples of being asked to pray for or with a patient. If asked to pray with a patient, I'd probably ask if the patient would prefer a member of spiritual services. If the patient didn't want that, I'd offer to "stay with you while you pray, if you'd like." That way I wouldn't have to participate if I became uncomfortable. (For example, if a person venerated to the Virgin Mary, I'd not want to join in, but would stay because my PRESENCE is what is important to the patient at that moment.)

If the patient asked me to keep him or her in my prayers, I would agree, because I do pray. If I weren't a pray-er, I'd use this as another opportunity to utilize the chaplains. I might say something like "I've been thinking of you and hoping everything turns out just fine. I'm going to continue to do that! I know I'm doing my best to take care of you, and you're doing your best to get better!" That sort of changes the subject and doesn't really dodge the question entirely.

I did pray out loud once...I was doing my preceptorship in the NICU and my patient was post-op, in liver and respiratory failure, and her adoptive parents drove five hours through the mountains to see her because we thought she was going to die that day. (Her birth mother gave up her rights and a kind family adopted her but couldn't take her home yet, of course). The family, like my preceptor, was of the same belief system that I had. The chaplain came down and Mama, Daddy, big brother, big sister, RN, chaplain and I joined a circle and all prayed. My preceptor asked beforehand if I would be comfortable in that situation, and I told her I would. She didn't make me feel like I had to participate, and neither did the baby's family.

As for being asked "do you believe in God/Jesus/Heaven/the divinity of Chuck Norris/the flying spaghetti monster?" I'd be honest if I agreed with the patient, and if I didn't, I'd say "my beliefs aren't important. I'm here to take care of you, and if you need someone else to help with spiritual support, I can help you get in touch with that person. I'm here for you, so let me know how I can help you."

If a person doesn't agree to disagree, that's an entirely different story. Just remember to remain therapeutic and professional in communication with patients and family. It's not your fault if someone else can't treat you the same way, so don't go out of your way to hide who you are. I don't wave my Christianity around like a banner, but I'm not going to keep it a deep dark secret. I know for someone who isn't a part of the Judeo-Christian belief families, it must be more difficult to not feel the need to keep queit, because of the unfortunate behavior of the intolerant. Don't be ashamed of who you are. We're all adults here and know more likely than not what reactions we'll receive concerning our beliefs. I've been laughed at for what I believe, I'm sure you have as well, but I know that's a possibility so I just shrug it off and realize it's not my problem, it's the other person's problem.

I wish you the best.

*~Jess~*

Beautifully said. BRAVO!!!

[missjennmb]

ROFL. Where do you live??? I gotta know so I know NOT to move there. I'd cause quite a ruckus.

I live in South Carolina and its VERY much like that here. I am something between a tree hugger and an athiest and I definitely do not believe in a single walking talking corporeal "god" of any kind. Nobody ever asks me if I believe in God, ever. I even almost was "witch hunted" out of my nursing class because I had mentioned a dislike of mixing school with religion after classes prayed prior to tests and at my work nobody ever asks me if I would like to pray with them before our "staff meals" but they won't ever start without me, ever.

I grew up in an area where religion was a private quiet personal matter and my beliefs and your beliefs were nobody's business. (Central Florida) I now live in SC where what church you go to is as important in defining you as your name, your hair color, your weight, and perhaps even more important than how many children you have. In my first 6 months of living here, we had no less than a dozen unsolicited door knocking invitations to churches, even one from a preacher/pastor after we declined his parishoner (I forget his title but he was in charge of the huge church up the road).

Someone said that it will never come up that you'll be asked to pray. Maybe not with patients, but if you live here, I can just about guaruntee it WILL come up somehow or somewhere. It gives me the creeps and makes me want to run screaming from the room. (not that they believe, but the fear of the reactions if they knew that I was not of their beliefs - and that based on my nursing school experiences)

When dealing with patients thus far (only in long term care in clinicals at this point) I never have trouble doing what the patient needs, because their needs are paramount to me. I sidestep as much as I can, make sure they know I really and truly do care, and if they really need me to tell them I will pray for them, it doesn't bother me to say so. Of course, my version of a prayer is more like quiet meditation and thinking of the person and the outcome that I would like for them and keeping them in my thoughts (which I do - they are all in my thoughts at some point or another)

I used to feel the need to broadcast my views to others and to argue my point, but to be quite honest, I am afraid that would get me literally run out of town, if I were to do that here. (I'm serious) The "bible belt" area of the south is like a different country from say CA or FL. So instead I just keep everything to myself and smile and try very hard to leave religion out of my impressions of people.

I think one reason that Athiests as well as other "Non-Christians" have trouble with religious events is the result of past experiences. OP I don't know if thats true for you, but I have definitely been scarred by one too many negative experiences with a "holy roller". (not that all who are religious are thus, but a bad apple and all that unfortunately)

[SanDiegoScrubs2010]

Why I love America.....

If something offends you, don't read it or turn around and walk away from the conversation. Simple!

Patients and nurses often don't have that option, hence the OP.