[Vent] A friend is in need, but.....

  1. I am in nursing school and really don't have the time.

    Here it is: "Bea" was the manager at the shop where I contract. She's been having "migraines" for months, and asking around for Rx pain meds since April. She got fired about a month ago, and has seemed slightly depressed. She will send text messages, but not answer the phone when called. Thursday, trying to do my clinical paperwork, I got 18 (!) texts from her asking for meds. She even begged me to go to my MD and ask for a Rx for myself that she would reimburse me for. I CANNOT believe that she would ask me this. [I know what I have at stake] So talking to a couple of acquaintences and clients, this week she has hit up at least 6 other people for meds. She and her son just moved in with her fiance and his kids, and I have no idea where she lives or how to talk to him. All she's been doing is asking people for job leads and asking for meds. I do know her mother, but not well, and can only contact her mom @ work. I offered to pay for her to see her MD, but that she'd need to stop the drug-seeking behavior. Well, that kinda ticked her off. Now I keep getting messages from her telling me what a horrid person I am and how could I ever think like that about her (3 since I started writing this). I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS ****. She needs help but I feel like her mom won't believe me, and others are not willing to be assertive and honest. AGH! Thank you, needed to get it out.:flamesonb

    MaryK
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  2. 6 Comments

  3. by   jov
    [quote=maryk99]I am in nursing school and really don't have the time. /quote]

    find the off button
  4. by   BSNin2007
    You tried to help, and if it is beginning to affect you negatively, especially if she is being less than kind to you, block her calls/texts and lose her number!!! We are sometimes too compassionate to our own detrement. Think of you!!!
  5. by   ZASHAGALKA
    It's not that it's not your place to tell her family members just that I cannot imagine that they don't already know and if they don't, THAT is a form of denial that you won't break through and it will just cause migranes for YOU.

    Most addicts have to find their own bottom before they truly reach up.

    Dependent behavior coupled with threats and putdowns is abusive behavior. IF you speak to her again, it should only be to inform her that you WILL get a restraining order if she doesn't stop. And if she doesn't, get that order.

    In the meantime, block her number and cut off contact completely. Tolerating such behavior is enabling it. I'm not accusing you of doing that, just pointing out that where you go from here matters. Such behavior IS intolerable and you should act consistent with that fact.

    Find out how to block her number and do so before the next message you post is interrupted by her text messages. Do it now.

    IF she comes knocking at your door, call the police. The sooner she realizes that SHE has cut the cord here, the better off you are. And she did. It's not your responsibility to make amends for that or to tolerate it.

    Until she is ready to be a friend, and she is not now, you are best served not pretending to BE her friend. Such relationships are mutual.

    Cold, but true. You are simply not the solution to her problems: she is.

    ~faith,
    Timothy.
  6. by   AggieNurse99
    Thanks all! I will contact cingular tomorrow about blocking. Hopefully, she doesn't remember where I live, and I did turn it off, Jov.

    Thanks again,
    MaryK
  7. by   texas_lvn
    Quote from ZASHAGALKA
    It's not that it's not your place to tell her family members just that I cannot imagine that they don't already know and if they don't, THAT is a form of denial that you won't break through and it will just cause migranes for YOU.

    Most addicts have to find their own bottom before they truly reach up.

    Dependent behavior coupled with threats and putdowns is abusive behavior. IF you speak to her again, it should only be to inform her that you WILL get a restraining order if she doesn't stop. And if she doesn't, get that order.

    In the meantime, block her number and cut off contact completely. Tolerating such behavior is enabling it. I'm not accusing you of doing that, just pointing out that where you go from here matters. Such behavior IS intolerable and you should act consistent with that fact.

    Find out how to block her number and do so before the next message you post is interrupted by her text messages. Do it now.

    IF she comes knocking at your door, call the police. The sooner she realizes that SHE has cut the cord here, the better off you are. And she did. It's not your responsibility to make amends for that or to tolerate it.

    Until she is ready to be a friend, and she is not now, you are best served not pretending to BE her friend. Such relationships are mutual.

    Cold, but true. You are simply not the solution to her problems: she is.

    ~faith,
    Timothy.
    :yeahthat: :yeahthat:
  8. by   Daytonite
    Call the police department (not 911) tomorrow and be assertive about asking for advice on how to handle this. It seems to me that if she really wanted your help she would be responding to your calls. Since she's not doing that, I would have to assume she's harrassing you. You may be able to get a restraining order against her even without knowing her current address, but may have to collect some evidence to prove what she is doing (such as saving her text messages or recording her voice mail calls). A restraining order should stop her, especially if she violates it. If she shows up at your home your first call is to the police and when they show up she gets arrested when you produce the order of restraint. I'm sure the last thing she'll want is to get tangled up in the court system. Don't you dare put out any money for her to see a doctor. You'll only become an enabler and have even worse problems with her.

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