Why don't I feel anything??

[warrior woman]

I have a homecare case. He's an 8 year old boy who is only 41 lbs. He has mitochondrial disease and will eventually succumb to it. I just have to make sure he has no seizures and he also has his esophagus wrapped to prevent his severe reflux. He's on a Gtube and I must vent him several times a visit by literally forcing the gas out of him by gently pushing on hos stomach to let the air out. He can't walk or talk buthis smile is priceless. He love cartoons and toys and music. So, I know his is a terminal condition. Why don't I feel anything?? Have I become so hard after last years challenges that I have no emotion anymore?? What the hell's become of me? I love my job. Why do I feel this way? Or am I just a lousy nurse?

[warrior woman]

Thank you all so much. I thought that I was getting callous.

[dosamigos76, RN]

When someone knows that they don't care and they don't care that they don't care........then you have a problem. That does NOT describe you. I've read your posts for over a year and that in no way could ever describe you. You have exhibited a sensitivity that would never allow you to detach totally. Self-survival sometimes requires that we pull back...... You have to be in the game in order to play. You're totally deserving of your "tag."

Cheryl

[live4today, RN]

Theresa, I agree completely with the other comments written to you. I know you have a very caring heart, and that little boy is blessed to have a heart like yours caring for him. I bet he will teach you more than you could ever imagine by the time your job with him ends. Children just have that special way of getting to adults that makes us feel blessed by them. Keep up the great job I know you are doing for that little angel. :kiss

[warrior woman]

Thank you so much Renee'. That means a lot.