Who made the mistake (if anyone) and what should be done?

[-MNC_RN-]

Background:

- I work in staff development and am the primary educator for two units. One is a specialty care unit, the other is its associated ICU. I am also the lead instructor for our hospital's critical care entry program. Naturally, I keep an eye on my nurses on the specialty care unit and know which ones are good and that I would like to see move into ICU, if they are interested to do so. I have no control over hiring, firing, or any say as to who actually moves into ICU (I teach who the managers hire), but I definitely encourage nurses to move into critical care if they appear interested. (If they're not interested, that's fine... we need good nurses everywhere...)

- My wife is in nursing school and is doing her internship at another hospital.

- My wife's preceptor is roommate to one of the nurses on my specialty care unit

- Preceptor told wife that her roommate is not happy on the specialty care unit and is thinking about leaving.

- Wife passes this information on to me.

- All of this information peaks my interest, since said roommate/nurse is one I've had my eye on and have thought would do great in ICU.

- Very quitely and privately, I pull the nurse aside and mention to her that I've heard rumors that she's thinking about leaving and that before she makes any decisions, I'd like her to consider a move to ICU because I think she would do a great job. She denies the rumors, I tell her I still think she would do a great job in ICU and we go about our business.

- My wife calls me today from her internship to tell me that her preceptor is angry AT ME for telling her roommate that I heard that she was thinking about leaving and now my wife wants me to apologize to her preceptor.

Now to me, this seems all very high school.

My points:

- If this information was so confidential, preceptor should not have told wife and wife should not have told me. Or at the very least, someone along the chain should have said something about how confidential it was. Neither of those things happened.

- Preceptor is fully aware of my position in staff development and that I work with roommate's unit. She is also fully aware of my position teaching critical care entry.

- Both preceptor and roommate are only a year out of school. While they may not realize how tightly knit the nursing community in our city is, they probably realize it now. I know nurses in every hospital around, as do most of my colleagues. Did they truly think that this would not get out if someone else knew? (Maybe they didn't.)

- Considering there's a nursing shortage, did they really expect me to not try to hang onto a very good nurse? Especially one I think would do great in critical care?

So...

Did I act inappropriately? I want good nurses to stick around. I try to convince every one to stay. Heck, I even tried to convince one of my favorite nurses to break off her engagement so that she wouldn't have to move away (only jokingly, of course... well, almost).

What should be done? Wife says that I should suck it up and apologize to preceptor, even if I feel I did nothing wrong. I say I honestly did nothing wrong, and that if nothing else, preceptor and roommate have learned that if you want something to remain confidential in the local nursing community, you need to keep it to yourselves.

Thoughts?

[RN1982]

I think your wife should have minded her own business. It wasn't her place to bring that info to you nor was it your place to confront that nurse. You and your wife should apologize.

[leslie :-D]

i certainly don't think it would hurt to admit your downfall in getting involved w/the rumor mill...

and to apologize for that.

but i agree in emphasizing that your only intent was to retain her as an excellent employee.

humility goes a long way.

leslie

[CHATSDALE]

rumors can be so twisted in passing from person to person

perhaps the nurse was trying to get out from under the roommate situation and this was the first step toward this

or perhaps the nurse had not told her superior that she was thinking of resigning and this would call someone else into the equation, managers are not usually happy to hear about things like this happening and they defintely don't appreciate headhunters robbing them of good nurses

maybe she was just venting to roommate and that she had really decided what she wanted to do and she resented being put into a difficult position

there are fingerprints all over this..preceptor should not have talked to your wife esp as a student, wife should not have talked with you about

something that should have been kept at the first hospital, you probably should not have talked to the nurse telling about a 'rumor' she is left wondering about the source of the rumor..she is the only one you should have apoligized to because she is the one who is vunerable

[GrumpyRN63, ADN, RN]

If anyone deserves an apology--it's the roomate , from the preceptor (primarily) and your wife ( only if she passed the info if it had been given confidentially), Both blabbed this info forward.

You are correct, if this was so confidential preceptor shouldn't have told your wife and your wife shouldn't have told you. I don't think you did anything wrong in the least, you were opening a door for her, actually a great gesture on your part. Doesn't seem this jeopardizes her current position so everyone is making a mountain out of a mole hill

[grandee3]

I'll play the devil's advocate here. You were thinking like a businessman and that's how the world of business operates sometimes by word of mouth. You're only doing your job using the connections you have to retain and recruit good nurses.

Granted you probably might not have said "I heard a rumor........".

Yes, it all sounds so high school, with the "he said/she said, he should apologize" stuff.

My opinion is if you don't want people to know your business then keep it to yourself.

Should you apologize? It wouldn't hurt to help mend fences and it won't kill you. Perhaps apologize for listening to a rumor, but stand you ground that you still think the nurse would be an excellent addition to your staff.

As a husband, I'm sure you know "if wife isn't happy.....no one's happy".

Hang on, I'll get you a hose to wash off that stuff you were standing in...