Subject: Nursing Station Answering Machine
...Hello, you have reached the _______________________ Nursing Station voice mail.
Pay close attention as we have to update the choices often as new and unusual circumstances arrive. Please select from the following options:
- To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem you created yourself, press 1.
- To postulate whether someone has to die before we'll do something about a problem, press 2.
- To report a nurse for bad manners, when in reality the nurse is trying to save your life, press 3.
- If you would like us to raise your children, press 4.
- If you would like us to take control of your life due to your alcohol or chemical dependency, press 5.
-If you would like us to instantly restore health to a body that took years to deteriorate, press 6.
- To provide a list of nurses/managers you personally know, so we will take better/faster care of you, press 7.
- To sue us, tell us you'll have our license or proclaim our career is over, press 8.
- To hear this menu again, wrap aluminum foil around your head and turn around three times
