Thinking about leaving hospital nursing, need advice

[shoegalRN]

Hello all!

I have been a nurse since May 2009. I don't want to give too much info here, but I basically am fed up with hospital nursing. I currently work ER and due to an incident that recently happened, I am seriously thinking about leaving hospital nursing all together. No, it was not a med error or anything like that. It was simply I was personally attacked by another RN who was going on a "reputation" that she said I have of being snotty, stuck up and anti social.

I have already filed a written complaint with my director and I am seriously thinking of going to HR. I feel this is creating a hostile work environment since this girl is part of the "clique". I simply choose to stay to myself, I speak about work related things only, I pinch in and help out when needed, but I simply do not engage in gossip or telling my personal business. I spend most of my downtime reading up on protocols and work email. I am professional with my co-workers but they don't know much about me and I prefer to keep it that way.

I feel my work reputation is under attack here. I did approach this person and let her know how offended I was and I was going to file a complaint with the director and HR. She did apologize, but attempted to make "small talk" with me and I just didnt feel comfortable speaking with her at all on a personal level.

Now, I don't look forward to going to work at all. I'm sick of the politics in the hospital and I'm ready to go back to a more professional environment that I came from. I have been applying for non-hospital jobs so I can have a peace of mind.

I have an interview for a phone triage position at a very well establish company and I'm some what excited about it and I'm some what sad about it. I do love being in the ER, but I really don't want to work for another hospital if it's like this at majority of them. I'm quiet, I'm a hard worker, I'm a team player, and I'm good to my patients. I really don't understand why I can't be left alone to do my job and simply go home without all the drama.

Any advice? I'm sorry so long. And yes, I would rather nip this mess in the bud because I take "deframation of character" issues very seriously.

[rierie]

I can see where you are coming from and know what you mean about maintaining that professional behavior. Those that can stay out of the BS in the nursing field are much better off in the end. I have been accused of sharing too much but it's part of my personality just like I'm sure yours is to stay private. I really do envy those that maintain such professionalism. It is not summer camp but I do want to enjoy my job and have fun with co-workers and for me to know them personally helps...but that is me.

I have a co-worker who is the sweetest funniest girl but when she doesn't know someone she comes off as cold and uncaring because she makes her boundaries very known. I know she cares so very much but those that don't know her well don't see that and it's unfortunate.

I really hate that this career I chose has so many of those back biting bitter Betty's like the co-workers that you describe. It makes our job harder than it has to be (like it's not hard enough).

My best reguards to your future.

[SilentfadesRPA]

shoegalrn-

i just noticed and am sorry as in my post i repeatedly referred to you as the user "afrocentric". in my haste when responding i must have copied the wrong user name.

my message still remains the same and i am happy your going to have resolution with this situation soon.

"sometimes when we cut relationships we use small play scissors & they work well. othertimes we have to use an axe- whatever works- use it"

- melodie beattie.

hang in there.

marc

[shoegalRN, RN]

I can see where you are coming from and know what you mean about maintaining that professional behavior. Those that can stay out of the BS in the nursing field are much better off in the end. I have been accused of sharing too much but it's part of my personality just like I'm sure yours is to stay private. I really do envy those that maintain such professionalism. It is not summer camp but I do want to enjoy my job and have fun with co-workers and for me to know them personally helps...but that is me.

I have a co-worker who is the sweetest funniest girl but when she doesn't know someone she comes off as cold and uncaring because she makes her boundaries very known. I know she cares so very much but those that don't know her well don't see that and it's unfortunate.

I really hate that this career I chose has so many of those back biting bitter Betty's like the co-workers that you describe. It makes our job harder than it has to be (like it's not hard enough).

My best reguards to your future.

OMG! You have just described me to a tee (the bolded). That's exactly how I am at work until I get a chance to get to know you. Then I open up and we will get along just fine.

I don't mind getting to know things professionally about my co-workers (example, are you CEN certified, how did you prepare? Are you into any professional organizations? Do you have any other specialty beside ER?) Things of that nature. Then, I let them tell me anything personal, such as kids and such. Then I will speak of my own child. But it's a natural progression, and I felt I wasnt given a fair chance to "open up" to someone I never work with before on my own terms.

But I'm still professional. I don't talk too much about my family (may mention child evey blue moon and to only select few) and I NEVER discuss my dating life. Currently, I am dating a doctor and I do NOT want my business spread although he does not work for the same hospital. Nobody knows this.

There are two co-workers that have come to me for advice on personal issues because they know I'm not the gossiping type. Suprisely, they both said "you know, I wasnt too sure about you when you first started working here, but you are cool". I get that alot and I'm ok with it. I told them I'm only trying to feel you out and I'm observant, in order words, trying to get to know you from afar.

[grateful2010, LPN, LVN]

I think you should think this through before quitting. Unfortunately, you may deal with this type of behavoir wherever you go, whether big or small. Some people are just plain 'ole cruel and bitter. What matters most is how YOU are able to deal with the situation; you can't keep running. Your introverted personality may bring out insecurity in others, although it shouldn't it probably does. Those who aren't social are either perceived as "stuck up' or "strange". Neither may be true but a little small talk here and there (not necessarily about your personal life) will show that you are relateable/approachable.

[MomRN0913]

I am sorry you feel this way. However, I don't think it will be any different outside of an acute hospital setting. This is just office/work politics. I think it would be a shame if a hospital lost a good nurse like you and you went elsewhere and found it was no different.

I am different than you, my coworkers have in my last hospital were like my family. I became very close to them. I went through alot of hard times and I was lucky to have them. I don't have much family of my own.

However.... I am now a nurse manager at a new facility. WHile except for everyone for my direct boss, I have built good relationships. But, alot of my staff has been coming to me almost in tears about the cliques that came with the hospital (new facility, most staff was taken from a different facility by my boss) They are really hurt and frustrated. I was too at first. But you know what? I won't let them win. I have a great opportunity and I have good support to make it work. I along with upper management and my CEO are going to end the workplace discrimination and have everyone be on fair ground.

I understand you wanting ot keep a professional work related stance. But it doesn't hurt to be friendly with some coworkers. Allies are a good thing.

I say go to HR with it, because it will be effective, but if you like the acute care setting, please stay. because it isn't much different elsewhere unfortunatley.

[pedicurn, LPN, RN]

Perhaps decide in advance what information you are happy sharing with coworkers?

I do this and it seems to work OK most of the time. It's important to be warm with coworkers and create a bit of bonding.

I share lots of info about pets and hobbies .... and a bit about my children. I try and steer conversation away when people try and ask me about other aspects of my life.

Try not to share anything about relationships - including past ones. Also finances ...don't talk about an expensive trip you are taking (even if have had to save for it for ages), don't mention cost of clothing or if you buy season tickets etc, have a boat, holiday home etc etc.

Also say nothing about your health history including meds. Especially any psych background.

Even if everyone else seems to talking about their antidepressant .... say nada

[shoegalRN, RN]

I think you should think this through before quitting. Unfortunately, you may deal with this type of behavoir wherever you go, whether big or small. Some people are just plain 'ole cruel and bitter. What matters most is how YOU are able to deal with the situation; you can't keep running. Your introverted personality may bring out insecurity in others, although it shouldn't it probably does. Those who aren't social are either perceived as "stuck up' or "strange". Neither may be true but a little small talk here and there (not necessarily about your personal life) will show that you are relateable/approachable.

What's really crazy is that I'm a social butterfly outside of work. I have no problem connecting with my pts and I socialize with them when I can. In fact, I would rather spend my time in a pt's room talking with them than to be interacting with my co-workers.

It's just that if I don't know you, I will be cordial and speak to you, but I don't go out of my way to tell you my entire life story. I will help you when you need help, but I don't do alot of chit chatting unless it's about business. If you do see me talking with someone, maybe a little jokey, it's because I know that person.

I'm observant and if I observe you talking and gossiping about someone and then smiling in their face, then I'm not gonna be talking to you unless work related. I see how you treat others, so I can only imagine how you would treat me.

I prefer to keep it professional, most of the time. There are a few times I will joke and laugh, but like I said, it's with those few I know like that. When it comes time to work, it's all business.

It's just that this particular person didnt know me from ADAM and just was way out of line if you ask me. She didnt give me the chance to open up at my own pace. I felt offended and harrassed.

[shoegalRN, RN]

Perhaps decide in advance what information you are happy sharing with coworkers?

I do this and it seems to work OK most of the time.

I share lots of info about pets and hobbies .... and a bit about my children. I try and steer conversation away when people try and ask me about other aspects of my life.

Try not to share anything about relationships - including past ones. Also finances ...don't talk about an expensive trip you are taking (even if have had to save for it for ages), don't mention cost of clothing or if you buy season tickets etc, have a boat, holiday home etc etc.

Also say nothing about your health history including meds. Especially any psych background.

Even if everyone else seems to talking about their antidepressant .... say nada

Totally agree! I'm taking a cruise in May and only mentioned it to the two people I talk to.

I'm not on any meds, but I overheard two co-workers discussing another RN that is taking narcs.

I don't discuss my dating life EVER! I do talk about my child from time to time. I don't mind talking about shoe shopping, or hair styles, or the latest fashion trends.

I have mentioned my summer car when the topic was about cars. But that's it.

You sould hear some of the things they talk about. Some of the pts even complain.

[lindarn]

Please don't enable this individual to reduce your employment and career opportunity.

In this economy we all need to think very carefully before leaving an acute care environment.

Don't let her bully you out.

I would look at her behaviour and find examples that can be clearly linked to HR policy.

You might find there is provision for defaming an employees reputation. There is at the organisation I work in.

If this does get to HR, it would be a good idea to make sure you are forearmed with these kinds of examples.

I wish you all the best - doesn't sound like a very nice situation

There are LAWS against defaming someone's reputation. Start with HR, and move up the food chain.

JMHO and my NY $0.02.

Lindarn, RN, BSN, CCRN

Somewhere in the PACNW

[missfreda]

You are the type of nurse I would love to work around. You are absolutely right about going to HR with your complaint. I act the same in my workplace, I find that there is too much drama and gossip with most nurses. They have their cliques just like you said. I don't like to work under those conditions, especially if I know they don't care about me. I resigned from my job recently due to the fact that I felt I could not trust the ones I worked with. The charge nurse would assign me the patients she or her "friends" did not want to care for. No teamwork at all. I was a strong nurse and they used it to their advantage, I would get most of the last minute admissions, so they could leave on time. I got fed up and ask the unit manager to not schedule me with one particular charge nurse. I wrote this up and explained my reasons behind the request. About two weeks later this nurse implicated me in a situation that had nothing to do with me in the care of a particular patient whose care was being investigated by the unit manager due to family complaints. I had never had anything other than positive comments about my patient care. But, she tried to get me involved in her "mess" because she was charge nurse when a situation occurred. I had been off the entire time this patient was in the hospital. I had her for one hour before my shift ended on her initial admission. I did not appreciate the way the situation was handled.... so I resigned! I have not worked in 2 months (by choice) I have had several job offers since then, and have accepted one ( I haven't started yet) but I have another interview next week that I will take instead if offered. It is closer to my home. Please note that you will find similar conditions almost anywhere you go. Don't change your way of doing things. The stress is not worth it. Just do your job, keep a journal if need be and take care of yourself. I am getting Liability Insurance that covers any concerns in dealing with the board of nursing, peer review complaints and anything that causes me the need to protect my license. i don't like to work with people I can't trust. Good Luck !

[mcleanl]

What's really crazy is that I'm a social butterfly outside of work. I have no problem connecting with my pts and I socialize with them when I can. In fact, I would rather spend my time in a pt's room talking with them than to be interacting with my co-workers.

It's just that if I don't know you, I will be cordial and speak to you, but I don't go out of my way to tell you my entire life story. I will help you when you need help, but I don't do alot of chit chatting unless it's about business. If you do see me talking with someone, maybe a little jokey, it's because I know that person.

I'm observant and if I observe you talking and gossiping about someone and then smiling in their face, then I'm not gonna be talking to you unless work related. I see how you treat others, so I can only imagine how you would treat me.

A few comments...

First you stated that you confronted the nurse and she apologized...so it seems that the situation has been taken care of. You also wrote a note to the director.....so I don't think you need to go to HR since it does not appear that the incident with this nurse has escalated......unless I missed something?

Second, talking and spending time with co-workers doesn't mean that you have to divulge information about yourself and who you are dating. You could ask them questions.....talk about them. People love to talk about themselves. It takes a bit of effort to be part of a team. I quoted you above, because it struck me as odd that you consider yourself a social butterfly and like to spend time talking with your patients...but when it comes to your co-workers you will only be "cordial." It also seems to me that you are very critical of the people you work with....if you see them talking about someone else you punish them by not talking to them unless it is work related.

Nursing is stressful, particularly in critical care areas and sometimes people aren't always on their best behaviour.....but guess what...that is life. Stop judging everyone around you and hold yourself to your own standard.

[wsurfer49]

No one can tell you what to do but there is a lot of good advice in the comments I read. I have spent thirty some years in nursing and have had my share of confrontations with "cliques" at work. Have worked ICU, flight and am a nurse practitioner. For the last 6 years I have been doing respite care in the clients home. I have done travel nursing around the country as well.

It takes all kinds of people to be good nurses and they aren't all the most accepting of their peers. There are also many very insecure people in nursing and sometimes the stress of the job or other stressor makes them attack others.

That said, it would be a shame if you ended your hospital career without being sure that you are doing what you are best at and what you enjoy most. So, look at all the facets of this situation and try to make the best decision for you. Good Luck!