Things I have learned from being a nurse/NP (and some that required no degree at all)

[AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN]

Just sitting here pondering and thought this would be fun:

1) A bit of advice: Do not, no matter how hungry you are, no matter how good they taste, eat an entire bag of Granny Smith apple slices in one sitting. Trust me on this. And if you don't heed this warning and do imbibe, don't wear stockings to work the following day.

2) The size of the mess on the patient will be inversely proportional to the amount of cleanup supplies available.

3) The manure will never get aerosolized until just before or just after shift change.

4) Do not ever, EVER, say in report, or allow a colleague to tell you, "Oh, Mr. X was so great, he's such a cute little thing. You won't have any trouble at all!"

5) The size of the fit being pitched over a shot or IV will be proportional to the number of tattoos and visible piercings.

6) That big, strapping nursing student/CNA that you think nothing could get to will be the first one to hit the floor at the sight of a trauma.

7) The size of the fit being pitched in the ER waiting room will be inversely proportional to the severity of the reason for the visit.

8) It's the patients that you DON'T hear screaming bloody murder that usually crump on you the fastest.

9) The amount of effort that you put into saving somebody who could care less about themselves is about the polar opposite of what they are willing to do to keep healthy once you get their foot out of the grave.

10) You can keep someone alive, but you can not make them live. ( I wrote that down the day the doc said it)

11) The story that the patient tells you will invariably be completely different from the one they tell their family or their doctor.

12) The drugs you need in a hurry are ALWAYS the ones under more security than Fort Knox.

13) The only time the wife of the man who looks at you and says "Dang, you're pretty" will NOT be at your throat will be while you're still perched on his chest, after your CPR brought him back. ( THAT was about the best thing I ever felt, I was so little at the time, they'd sit me on the patient, I'd be able to compress, and they'd still have the arms and legs free for sticks. Sadly, I've fluffed out a bit since then.)

14) It is entirely possible to have the most rewarding, the saddest, the most frustrating, and the most fascinating job in the world, and it all be the same thing.

OK, have fun!

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

you can't cure stupid - makes life easier once you really understand that concept

[regularRN]

"You can keep someone alive, but you can not make them live"

[ragingmomster, BSN, MSN, RN]

If you call your loved ones at home and tell them you'll "certainly be out of here on time today", you are asking for the change of shift code/delivery/transfer etc.

[Kayartea]

Trying reason on a patient in "Status Dramaticus" works just about as well as it does on a two year old in the middle of a temper tantrum. (Come to think of it, they are very similar.)

[TiffyRN, BSN, PhD]

"Status Dramaticus"

This is a term I must add to my lexicon. Priceless.

I'm sorry but the only lessons I can think of right now are too sad and depressing, not fun. I'm enjoying other folks' lessons.

[lpnstudentin2010, LPN]

i would like to know more about the apples.

[AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN]

i would like to know more about the apples.

Um, no, you wouldn't.