I was going to post this under another thread talking about improving patient satisfaction, but figured that although I'd be answering the question, it wouldn't be answering it appropriately (or realistically, rather) and I didn't want to hijack the thread, so here's my own thread...
My universal guide to improving patient satisfaction
1...stop trying to satisfy patients (and their families) and start trying to improve outcomes; dead patients don't fill out surveys and surviving family members don't tend to give good reports on hospitals where their loved ones' die, regardless of how many snacks we give them out of the patient food supply, or extra trays we order from dietary
2...blindfold all malpractice lawyers and have them take a long wall off a short pier
3...perform a rectal cephalectomy on all the geniuses working at JOKO
4...perform public floggings on all midlevel managers who make asinine statements (e.g., to a nurse who has been practicing for all of 10 months) that taking 6 patients on an IMU is easy because all you are doing is passing meds
5...publicly humiliate all micromanaging unit directors who believe it's ok for an ER nurse to have 5 patients, 3 of which are ICU patients while establishing a quota for the number of patients you must see on your shift
6...lock administrators in their little offices with little more than a pen to sign paychecks and a computer to send emails to their administrative buddies bragging about how much money they can fleece out of their hospital by doing so very little real work
then, with the technicalities out of the way we can work together to provide the health care our patients deserve
what'd I miss?