Not sure I can handle the suffering and emotional drain...

Armygirl7 · Apr 6, 2011

((((((((((RIXTER)))))))))))

By giving good nursing care to suffering people you bring relief. It may not seem that way in the face of so much despair but it is true. There is transformative power in being a compassionate caregiver in those moments of great stress for other human beings. We don't have that magic wand we wish we did to make sickness vanish, but we do have, even in those sometimes brief and hurried moments, an opportunity to treat people with dignity and kindness and skill. And that is doing our best. And that is doing a lot.

But you must take care of yourself - and allow others to share their strength and ability to support & care for you (friends, co-workers, massage therapists, hairdressers, psychotherapists, yoga teachers!!!). Be gentle with yourself and do something really really refreshing or fun for yourself this weekend. I hope you find some peace of mind....you must be an excellent nurse.

Baubo516, RN · Apr 6, 2011

R!XTER,

I am not a nurse - just a curious "pre-nursing" student. But I read your post and wanted to offer some words of sympathy. I cannot imagine seeing all of that in one day, but I am familiar with the pain of trying (unsuccessfully) to get pregnant. My husband and I tried for about 5-6 years on our own, then spent 2 years going through fertility treatments (pills, shots, IUI). We have still been unable to conceive. I don't know what you and your husband have been going through, but for me, taking all those hormones and dealing with the hope/disappointment cycle every month was very depressing and emotionally draining. During the time we were doing the treatments and monitoring my cycle, every little thing would make me cry. We got off the roller coaster last August because we just couldn't take it anymore, and my emotions are slightly better now. I still cry easily - just part of being an emotional person, I guess - but at least now I can usually keep it under control if I have to. Also, it is so frustrating for me to see people who consider their children to be inconveniences when I so desperately would like to have just one! Anyway - I guess I don't have any words of wisdom for you - just an "I hear you, sister!" It sounds like you are a very compassionate and empathetic person, which I'll bet makes you a great nurse. I hope the next day at work will bring something uplifting for you. :redbeathe

dthfytr, ADN, LPN, RN, EMT-B, EMT-I · Apr 6, 2011

Thanks for the post. Many times I've come home, cried, held my kids too tight, and wished I could tell somebody what the ER is like. Anybody who isn't bummed out from all that needs to have their pulse checked. From your post I can tell you 2 things that I assure you are absolutely true. 1. Each of these situations was better because somebody sensitive and caring (you) was there to help if needed. 2. You need to decide if you can spend your career being there for people like this.

Not everybody can do ER, and there's nothing wrong with anybody who decides it isn't for them. I did ER for 25 years until I bacame disabled. I'm extremely proud of having helped so many but I'm not a snob about it because I admire the nurses who do what I can't, ie LTC, OR, ICU, the floors. The greatest loss would be if you tried working ER when there's someplace you could do better for yourself and patients.

Wishing you all the best in the future. Paul

MedSurgeMe · Apr 6, 2011

I work Med Surge. You'll learn to hold some patients at a distance and only let a few in to the depths of your heart at a time. Crying is not shameful. It's the only grace-filled response to such a broken, dark world.

LegzRN · Apr 6, 2011

I forget the names, but the faces of the patients with the saddest stories always stick in my mind.

I think the worst was the "John Doe" unhelmeted motorcycle vs. telephone pole that was wearing a set of scrubs and the top was embroidered "RN." Already struck a chord with me because he was another nurse, almost a brother in arms. It really sent me over the edge when I was going through his wallet to find a drivers license or something to ID him and I saw a bunch of pictures of his kids and wife. We ended up flying him out, but he died en route.

Pediatric codes are killers as well.

I'm a big supporter of CISD, but after tons of what I would call traumatic events, I have yet to been offered one. I basically just know about them from studying to obtain my CEN and TNCC certs.

R!XTER · Apr 6, 2011

Thanks for the support...I think only fellow nurses can understand what we go through every day.:redbeathe

mama_d, BSN, RN · Apr 6, 2011

Some shifts are just emotionally overwhelming.

I'm not ED, but work with a lot of cancer pts. Some times all tou can do is try to be at peace within yourself b/c you know you gave them all the compassion you could, and did what you could to make it a little better, even if just for a few hours.

I've had shifts where I take care of people who are actively dying, and I know their family would give anything to have one more good day with them...while I'm in the middle of a tiff with my hubby. He's gotten used to the phone calls from me where I'm sniffly and going "let's quit being stupid...we have what theyLd give anything to get back." Likewise, kiddos have gotten used to me coming home and giving them extra long hugs.

I found that it does get easier to focus on the positives over time, although sometimes it's still hard. Yes, the guy in that room is dying and leaving his wife and kids behind, but I was able to help him have a pain-free shift so that they can have good memories of that day. Try to focus on the good that you're bringing to their lives, no matter how hard it is. We nurses tend to take on everything that we can't fix and minimize the good that we do bring to the lives of pts like you described...remember the Serenity prayer and try to let go of that which you cannot fix and take pride and comfort in doing what you can to make things better.

carolmaccas66, BSN, RN · Apr 6, 2011

Don't you EVER apologise for venting! You went thru a terribly emotional time on that shift.

It's unfortunate that many people don't understand what we REALLY do as nurses. I mean, they see the TV programs and hear stuff on the news but they don't see the actual, touching moments when we get to change people's lives.

I have hugged patients when I got upset or didn't know what to say - this may work for you.

One way to think of it is that we are THERE at the beginning and end of people's lives - and we make a HUGE difference. I bet those people will not forget the kind, compassionate nurse who listened, empathised and got visibily upset at their suffering.

If you really cannot handle anymore, can you take some leave at all, or at least 2-3 days off? Try to always find time to relax and do the things you enjoy, like exercising, art work, pilates or yoga - I love to cook on my days off - and eating is the best part!! Also writing a journal is a great way to get your feelings out - and you can say what you like and no-one will get to see it!

You can't change everyone's situation in the world, but remember you can always make a HUGE difference, which you obviously did and have.

All I can say is - well done.

R!XTER · Apr 6, 2011

I also forgot to mention, another thing that happened yesterday - we had a major psych take-down which really hit me hard. We have a separate behavioral health section in our ER, so it wasn't my patient, but the psych RN ativated the alarm that she has for when things get out of control. anyway, about 30 people showed up, there were 10 holding the guy down. At one point I caught a glimpse of the patient's face, and it was a teenage kid. The poor thing was so young he still had acne. It was just so so horrible to see. I just kept saying to my co-worker "look how young he is! look how young he is!" Eventually they had him sedated and restrained. He was only 17

carolmaccas66, BSN, RN · Apr 7, 2011

I also forgot to mention, another thing that happened yesterday - we had a major psych take-down which really hit me hard. We have a separate behavioral health section in our ER, so it wasn't my patient, but the psych RN ativated the alarm that she has for when things get out of control. anyway, about 30 people showed up, there were 10 holding the guy down. At one point I caught a glimpse of the patient's face, and it was a teenage kid. The poor thing was so young he still had acne. It was just so so horrible to see. I just kept saying to my co-worker "look how young he is! look how young he is!" Eventually they had him sedated and restrained. He was only 17

Hello again!

These things will hit you hard because I see ur young as well.

As a nurse who has worked in psych and many other areas, you must realise that some patients will not always

be in control. There are many situations where staff must protect themselves first, and the patient comes second.

I always counsel my psych patients that they cannot control every other person's actions - you are a HEALTH PROFESSIONAL - and must look at your job from that aspect. Staff and other patients and families' safety comes first, and is paramount. It may look awful having to restrain these people, but the other nurse took the correct action before the situation escalated out of control. As a RN you have to look for signs and clues that people are gong psychotic, getting agitated, they could also be on a high or coming down from something. You just do not know as health professional, that is why action has to be taken to safeguard everyone else first. Once a situation wth a patient escalates out of control, things go very badly and patients are harder to restrain - I have known staff members who have been brutally injured - heard stories of some being murdered - because they let a situation get worse.

You cannot take too much on. You will drive yourself crazy and you will get older b4 ur time.

Really see about getting some counselling thru ur work or see if you can take time off or go to another area.

I am a little worried about you, as you are taking some things too hard on yourself.

Remember, there is only one of you and you must care for yourself first.

Email me privately if you need to talk further, I am always happy to help.