Not Getting support for returning for a nursing degree

kavi · Nov 30, 2002

Aaah families. Don't let them get to you. Actually, I worried about the same thing, and I'm 48. But I'm discovering that there is a HUGE number of nursing students going for a second career. Ages ranging from late 30's to late 50's!!!!! So don't let other's opinions get you down.

I figure I have a lot to contribute with experience and maturity. And although we "never know" how long we'll be here, women in my family tend to live actively well into their 80's (then decline and die in their 90's). So I certainly could easily be a nurse for thirty years or so, if I follow their pattern.

I'm sure you will do well. There's an old Indian saying, I can't remember it exactly, but it's along the lines of for a new tree to grow up strong, it has to develop away from the shade of it's parent tree. You get the idea. Family can hold us back sometimes, even when they mean well.

Welcome!!!!

ayemmeff · Nov 30, 2002

two years ago i returned to nursing after a 6 year break to care for my sons.it was hard,and a shock to the system,my husband hated it,childcare was(and sometimes still) is a nightmare and i feel like i'm juggling all the time!!!!!but guess what-it was the best move i made in a long time,i feel i'm a person in my own right again, not just mom/wife! this life comes round just once- do what you think will make you happy! ive heard that people only regret the things they DIDN'T do.Go Girl!! and Good Luck from the U.K!

Agnus · Nov 30, 2002

Folllow what is right for you. Change is scarry and families fear change. This is a huge change for them with the prospect of even greater change when you graduate. The fear of the unknown future is involved.

Then there is always the "stick with what you know" after all they, at some level, fear you will not suceed then what? This requries a big investment on their part and a risk. They may not be risk takers. It requires a lot of faith that all will be OK no matter what.

You will create this faith for them by suceeding. However, you must suceed first before they can develop the faith needed to support you now.

You might (this is your individual judgement that will determin if this is appropriate for you) tell them you will succeed with their support or with out it, and you prefer it be with it as you love them very much.

Share your sucesses you experience along the way. Show your appreciation for what ever tiny they they do that does support you. Give them credit for you success.

My hubby, though generally supportive near and after graduation started saying things like, "you think you are so much smarter... superior..... or too good for anyone else." etc. Started acting like a real ass. It took about a year before this insecure little boy started to respect me.

I really think that he was afraid that now that I was an RN I would leave him because HE thought that he was not GOOD ENOUGH for me.

He seems secure in my love now and doesn't do this anymore but it was real hard not to strangle him in the mean time.

The trouble with this it would be something stupid or totallly unrelated like say I mentioned I didn't like some inanament object or somesuch. Out would come his stupid remark.

The good thing is I knew this man pretty well before I started school. I knew his insecurities. In fact I was surprised that he supported me at all during school. I expected him to try and sabotoge it.

Instead he felt it was an valuable investment on his part. It is just that when I achieved it that he got scared that I would leave. In his over active imaagination he started to relate to stories of wives who supported thier husbands through school and then the husband would not do the same for the wife. I did support him and continue to. What is more I was the primary breadwinner when I was in shcool. My school was 100 % financed by VA, scolarships and grants.

If he were to return to school I would support that. He won't.

He

2banurse · Nov 30, 2002

Originally posted by kavi
I'm sure you will do well. There's an old Indian saying, I can't remember it exactly, but it's along the lines of for a new tree to grow up strong, it has to develop away from the shade of it's parent tree. You get the idea. Family can hold us back sometimes, even when they mean well.

Welcome!!!!

Thanks Kavi, at times I do feel guilty though because I would like to distance myself. I love them to death, but it seems that a lot of the time they can't see the woman I have become versus the troubled youth they remember.

Oh well! I'm still going to give it my all.

Kris

Trauma Columnist · Nov 30, 2002

I too agree wholeheartedly with your decision. I went into nursing at 34 (with two kids and a military hubby). I've been an ER nurse for quite a while now and am doing an ADN/BSN/MSN now online. So, at 44 - I'm still in school and loving it. Go for your dreams!!!

tonicareer · Nov 30, 2002

Glad to know I'm not alone in this family critisism thing. Well my family critizizes so much I basically have the minimum amount of communication with them. Took me a long time to discover that nothing I do would be acceptable to them. It is their loss not mine. I have tried every kind of communication and talking that is possible and they will not change. I don't even plan to ask them to my graduation since they are so critical (if they were there they would make everyone around them miserable anyway - that is their goal in life). Like they say you can choose your friends but not your relatives.

Ortho_RN · Nov 30, 2002

My family has been nothing but supportive.. I live 450 miles away from my parents and occasionally I receive lil studying incentives in the mail via $100checks... So I think that is really nice... They are always saying "aww, you are gonna be great" The funny thing is this is the first time that they have EVER been supportive of anything that I have done... Go figure

kimmicoobug · Nov 30, 2002

I would say that my family is now supportive. My mom was very distressed when I first told her that I was entering the program. She didn't want me working so hard and hurting my back. She also felt a little embarrassed that I would be wiping butts. So, she told her friends that I was studying to be a pharmacist! My husband used to treat my going to school as a hobby, until recently. Last year, though, we really went through some tough times since he didn't think I should do this anymore. He also hated the fact that he was doing his unfair share, such as doing an occasional load of dishes (he used to never do any housework) so I could do the school thing. Interesting though, how his opinion has changed now that I could work as an LPN now and in 6 months I graduate from the RN program. He already has his wish list. Now, my husband cooks on his days off, watches the kids so I can study, rearranges his whole work schedule so I can go to school, so yes he is very supportive since we are in the final stretch.

CCU NRS · Nov 30, 2002

Sort of different, but My wife has given me all kinds of problems during this year I am in Nursing III and the funny thing is she went through it a year ago and I did everything I could to assist her. I kept the house, I took care of the kids, I worked overtime to make extra money. Now she can't seem to just let me do what I need to do. She is all needy and has been just letting th house go to hell and I just don't know what to do I offered to quit and tells me i CAN NOT QUIT.

flowerchild · Nov 30, 2002

When I told my Mom I was going to be a nurse, she laughed me right out of the room. When I told my hubby, he wasn't so sure either. Now, Mom and hubby are very proud that I am a nurse. Everywhere I go with my Mom, she just can't wait to tell anyone she introduces me to that "this is my daughter ________ and she's a nurse! Don't worry about it. They'll come around.

2banurse · Nov 30, 2002

Thanks flowerchild, I know that my mom is going to be my biggest obstacle, I guess it is because I care what she thinks. That's why I am going to kind of go my way and give minimal information until I'm accepted into the nursing program. For her "seeing is believing" which I guess I can understand, it is just frustrating not being able to share one's dreams with those closest to you.