No time off for new dad!! - page 2

by NursingStudent5548

1,608 Unique Views | 15 Comments

I have posted on here numerous times over several different issues.... but I am in a hard spot and disgusted by this facility. I am being induced on this Thursday due to a high risk pregnancy. We were just informed today, so at... Read More


  1. 0
    i have to agree with most of the posts here. i can't understand or believe an employer can't make an exeption to a such a big event that is going to happen which is the birth of his son. if that's the case wow-i'm speechless, but when i was pregnant with my baby, me and my husband didn't have money for a wedding, but i sure wanted our baby to be born and his parents being married, so we just paid the fee at the court house, waited the 72 hours then went and got married at the court house two days before our son was born. my husband was running late b/c work ran a little late that day so he didn't have a chance to shower or even change clothes, but it was just me and him and the judge and his mom. i still plan a church wedding, but the important thign for me was to make it legal before the birth of my son, and we did.

    good luck-don't stress over it
  2. 0
    I am surprised to hear this story ... I can't imagine him not being able to get a single day off for the birth of his child! You have to weigh two things ... his presence at the birth of his child and his ability to keep his job (and the necessity of that job). Normally, I'd say absolutely he should tell his employer he simply cannot come to work because he cannot miss this once-in-a-lifetime event. If that means he'll be suspended, so be it. Fired? So be it. If, however, you think there's a real possibility of losing his job and not being able to find another given the state of the economy, you need to think long and hard about it. Losing a job these days can have serious consequences. You don't say when he works, but if there's no better solution, do you think you could be induced Friday? If you're induced at noon and he works until 3 he could definitely be there ... or induced in the afternoon and he works until 7. First time moms are usually in labor for 10+ hours (often more for induction -- also, if they're using Cervadil, it induction in a multi-day process). If he needs that job, see if there's a compromise short of risking his job.

    Secondly, I wholeheartedly agree that you don't need to wait until you can afford a big wedding. Work on the MARRIAGE -- the wedding is just a chance for the people you love to celebrate your commitment and share in your joy (my parents have been married for nearly 30 years and have the best marriage I know -- their reception was punch and cookies in the basement of the church where they were married. Not fancy, but they were married at the end of the day, so the wedding WORKED!). I'd recommend doing premarital counseling through your church and then gather the few people you love most and go to city hall. If you want, you can always have a party afterward to celebrate with friends (and then it can just be a party instead of being a WEDDING RECEPTION -- which for some reason has to cost 20x more than any other party you'll ever throw). Or have a simple ceremony with a few close friends and relatives and serve punch and dessert around 4 p.m. At the end of the day, you will be married, which is all that matters. Then you can focus on creating a wonderful, warm and Godly home for that baby!
  3. 0
    Okay to all the responses about us planning a small (BUT FORMAL) wedding...
    I have been married once before for 2.5 years my ex deployed to Iraq came back with an young female soldier. He divorced me and less than 6 months later remarried her.

    Our wedding was small on horse back outside of his bar, none of my family there....

    BIG MISTAKE... I don't want to do that again (SO I guess I did it backwards and saved money on a marriage that was doomed)

    This wedding will not be blessed or accepted by the catholic faith until I have converted to being a Catholic (takes a year) currently pursuing, will finish in MAY and my previous marriage is anulled by the catholic faith.

    NOW TO THE REAL ISSUE-
    He has been called into the office with write up already written for....

    "Throwing a plate and calling the food SLOP" other staff members attested to this being a joke and stated he didn't throw the plate (only repeated what resident called it to lighten the mood outside of all resident view and earshot)

    "Chasing Residents around the building in a wheel chair"
    He was entertaining an aphasic/dysphasic resident by doing stunts in their chair in their room while they laughed and clapped. Again other staff members backed this story

    "Yelling at another staff member for not caring for residents" He didn't yell but informed this staff member she didn't have a pager and her residents were complaining they were being ignored.
    Staff member continued whole shift with out pager and then stated she forgot it to the boss. Finally once again other staff members shared his opinion and defended him.

    It's odd these people come up with these stories yet nobody else witnessed to their side of the story

    These are just a few of the example from this month... Never actually got wrote up once questioned by the boss but was hurt she had a write up complete before even ever talking to him!!

    Now they stated they couldn't give him anytime off because they were already short-handed (ALWAYS SHORT-HANDED) never enough staff hired.

    He has never been late, called in, missed a day, or recieved a write up.

    The doctors note is not a lie, it is coming from my OB/GYN who is delivering the baby. It will state something along the lines that he was PRESENT FOR THE BIRTH OF HIS CHILD.

    We will be accepting the suspension (IF HE EVEN GETS SUSPENDED). We will also still call stating he won't be at work due to the birth of his child. We are doing everything we can to make it, as responsible, and convienant, and keeping his work place informed.

    If they fire him... I have already set into motion with HR at my facility to get him hired within the next 2 weeks anyway.
  4. 3
    When he started his job 3 months ago he should have stated that his girlfriend was pregnant and knew he would need a couple days off around the birth. I know many people have plans, vacations, births when they start a new job and if the employee is open about needing the time off during the interview than the employer isn't caught by surprise and can decide to hire them or not base on the time off needed.

    Are you being induced because you are late, can the inducement be a few days earlier or later when your boyfriend has a day off?

    Your first marriage didn't fail because you got married on a horse outside a bar. Also it doesn't mean this won will succeed because you have a "formal wedding". If the "formal wedding" puts you in debt that will increase the stress in the new marriage, the baby also increases the stress.
  5. 0
    Quote from NursingStudent5548
    Okay to all the responses about us planning a small (BUT FORMAL) wedding...
    I have been married once before for 2.5 years my ex deployed to Iraq came back with an young female soldier. He divorced me and less than 6 months later remarried her.

    Our wedding was small on horse back outside of his bar, none of my family there....

    BIG MISTAKE... I don't want to do that again (SO I guess I did it backwards and saved money on a marriage that was doomed)

    This wedding will not be blessed or accepted by the catholic faith until I have converted to being a Catholic (takes a year) currently pursuing, will finish in MAY and my previous marriage is anulled by the catholic faith.

    NOW TO THE REAL ISSUE-
    He has been called into the office with write up already written for....

    "Throwing a plate and calling the food SLOP" other staff members attested to this being a joke and stated he didn't throw the plate (only repeated what resident called it to lighten the mood outside of all resident view and earshot)

    "Chasing Residents around the building in a wheel chair"
    He was entertaining an aphasic/dysphasic resident by doing stunts in their chair in their room while they laughed and clapped. Again other staff members backed this story

    "Yelling at another staff member for not caring for residents" He didn't yell but informed this staff member she didn't have a pager and her residents were complaining they were being ignored.
    Staff member continued whole shift with out pager and then stated she forgot it to the boss. Finally once again other staff members shared his opinion and defended him.

    It's odd these people come up with these stories yet nobody else witnessed to their side of the story

    These are just a few of the example from this month... Never actually got wrote up once questioned by the boss but was hurt she had a write up complete before even ever talking to him!!

    Now they stated they couldn't give him anytime off because they were already short-handed (ALWAYS SHORT-HANDED) never enough staff hired.

    He has never been late, called in, missed a day, or recieved a write up.

    The doctors note is not a lie, it is coming from my OB/GYN who is delivering the baby. It will state something along the lines that he was PRESENT FOR THE BIRTH OF HIS CHILD.

    We will be accepting the suspension (IF HE EVEN GETS SUSPENDED). We will also still call stating he won't be at work due to the birth of his child. We are doing everything we can to make it, as responsible, and convienant, and keeping his work place informed.

    If they fire him... I have already set into motion with HR at my facility to get him hired within the next 2 weeks anyway.
    Well, it seems you have answered all of your own questions. You said he has never been written up. In the next few sentences you show that he HAS been written up a number of times for infractions no matter how minor you may or may not have thought them to be. You certainly don't need to answer to anyone on this board (or anywhere else for that matter) about the type of wedding that you want to have. I think everyone was just pointing out that a formal wedding does not necessarily make for a good marriage. It puts you into a lot of debt for no reason...and with a new baby coming tomorrow, there are certainly better things to spend your money on.

    But, just so you do know...you CAN be married in a civil ceremony and then, pursue your religious ceremony at a later date. As I posted earlier, my husband and I had a civil ceremony at our courthouse. However, for our tenth year anniversary, we had our "wedding" in a temple (we are jewish) and our union was blessed by a Rabbi. We had a little intimate party to celebrate. You don't have to wait to "become" catholic if you want to get married.

    I think religion is more in the soul of the human being rather than on a piece of paper that tells you what you are. But, that's another story for another thread!

    Anyway, it seems you and your boyfriend have it figured out as to how to handle this...and another job waiting in the wings should he be fired. No reason for you to continue stressing out any further!

    Good luck tomorrow! Hope it is a very special day for you and your new little family! :wink2:
  6. 2
    I also believe that you can make a small wedding intimate and meaningful because it is the hearts that count. My husband and I got married in Las Vegas 10 years ago and it was not a taudry affair, it was done at a nice chapel with just he and I. They took pictures and a video for us which we still cherish. As mentioned, creating a special day with all of the pomp and circumstance does not assure a stable, strong marriage. And, from a personal standpoint, denying yourselves of uniting in marriage if you really desire to do it and having a child does complicate things. Life with children becomes so unpredictable regarding expense, especially with the both of you being students.

    I think that your mate should produce a note, experience the birth of your child and seek employment elsewhere for a fresh new start in life.


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