OK, I view this site frequently, occasionally post but nothing too deep or serious. I never thought I'd be asking for help like this but I'm at the end of my rope , I have nowhere to turn I don't know what to do. I hope with the vast amount of resourceful minds here that someone can at least point me in the direction of a solution. I'm sorry but this post will be long.
My son is 21 years old. Started getting into a little trouble here and there at about age 17. Progressively got worse but I just didn't see the signs.(The mother is always the last to know) He's wrecked or totaled about 8 cars in the last two years. One he wasn't covered on my insurance and I'm left owing $15,000 on a car I don't even have. Numerous tickets and fines and finally got his license pulled for accumulation of tickets.
It seems like there's a crisis with him on a daily basis. I dread going home after work it is so stressful and when he's gone I hate for the phone to ring because I know it's something involving him.
Anyway, he was getting worse into drugs and I still didn't see it except his behaviour was abnormal a lot and he was on prescription xanax for panic attacks. (the worst thing that ever could have happened, legal xanax.)
One day a whole squad of police showed up at my door and arrested him. They had been doing a big surveillence for the last two years and this was the day they did the big drug sweep and arrested everyone.
He was charged with three counts of selling a controlled substance (to an undercover cop). He went to jail and I almost couldn't stand it but I knew he needed to stay in there a while to get a taste of it.
After ten days his Dad couldn't stand it anymore and wanted to bond him out. We live from paycheck to paycheck. His bond was $75,000 so we would have to come up with $7500. We own classic car my husband restored which we were going to sell for home improvement money. He took a $7000 loss so he could sell it quickly. We bonded him out and hired an attorney which was a flat rate of another $7500.
He is unemployeed and has never been able to hold a job for more than a couple of weeks. Flunked out of college. Well, after he came home from jail the fear of God was pretty much in him and things went smoothly for about a month.
Then one day I saw that same old behavior and I knew he was on something. He just gets really bizarre and out of control. Can't remember in 5 minutes what he said 5 minutes ago. So I thought I would just wait for whatever it was to wear off then lay into him because there's no rational conversation when he's like this.
My daughter is 32 and the epitomy of perfect. She steps in a lot and makes decisions because I'm just to close to it to do the right thing. To me he's still five years old. She came over the next day and was going to search his room and the fight was on.
They got into a physical altercation and he almost broke her fingers. He thinks the sun rises and sets in her and would never, never, never have done that if he wasn't under the influence.
We called 911. When they got there they wanted to know what we wanted them to do. My daughter said she didn't wan't him to go back to jail and risk prison but we had to do something.
So we had them take him to the state mental health facility that happens to be located in our town. He was mad, mad, mad but after he calmed down he finally saw the light. He put everything on the table and told me everything he'd been doing and he was sick of it and wanted a life. We are going to try and cut a deal with the navy, sometimes if you enlist they're able to wipe the slate clean.
He was in the mental facility for a almost two weeks and was court mandated to a rehab center. He wanted to go. He was excited and ready. Since it was court mandated he would go to a stated funded treatment center.
Well, he finally got there and it was a complete circus! There's probably more drugs inside than outside. They ship them to a classroom everyday across town and someone just gives them papers to read and sign. No talking, no counseling, nothing! We went there Sunday to take him a few things and we went to the building they were having class in and they were just having a good ol time.
I asked to see "john" and the "aid" yelled at him and we went to the front of the building to visit a little. They didn't ask who we were, search us, look in our bag or anything. And they never even came to see where he was or what he was doing.
It's been three days and he called me tonight begging for help. He said drugs are offered to him on a daily basis but so far he's been able to refuse and most of the people there are court mandated so they're all just there because they have to be. He said no one there wants help. He wants some real counseling. I'm afraid this situation is doing him more harm than good.
But I don't know what to do. I have no money left. The only people who can get into the "real" rehab centers either have money or insurance. He has neither and neither do I. He's primed and ready to turn it around right now and there's nowhere to go and no one to help! I just don't get it.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Pray you never have to go through something like this.
