My ALMOST 5 year old refuses to poop on the potty!

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clee1

832 Posts

Specializes in Hospice, Med/Surg, ICU, ER.
The psychobabble about self esteem comment is right ON. In the 70s-80s-90s parents were so brainwashed into thinking we should all be child centered, not hurt their little "self esteems"to the detriment of the very children we love. Where has it gotten society? Kids are not any better off.

A good leader (parent) isn't there to be liked, they are there to raise a child who can cope with adversity.

If you teach a child everything should be "fair", if a parent teaches a child everything should go their way "in their own time", the child is going to be sadly mistaken and not cope well in REAL life.

Exactly.

"Doctor" Spock heads a LONG list of people that need their butts soundly kicked for the damage they have done to our society/culture.

You do your children NO favors in life by pampering and coddling them in the name of "self-esteem". There ARE winners and losers; there ARE "good" things and "bad" things; and I have yet to meet a kid that had all the answers regardless of what they think. Better to learn these critical life lesson while you are young, than be rudely shocked by the "real world" later on.

My sister's youngest child has "behavioral problems" and has been described as "mildly autistic (arnspargers syndrome)". He would act like an azz, throw tantrums when he didn't get his way, etc. ad nauseam. He has been in "special" programs all through elementary and jr high school. (Everybody coddling his "issues" in the name of self-esteem). Lo and behold, he starts highschool... and acts out in class; calling a large football-player type every foul name in the book. Well, of course, after class this large "mean" football player beat the everlovin' snot out of him, and told him next time he acted like a jerk in class, he was going to beat him up again! :uhoh3:

Guess what? This young, "mildly autistic" young man has learned there are consequences to being an antisocial little snot; and he behaves himself in school. I wonder where he'd be if his parents had laid a little belt on his seat-of-reasoning when he was younger?

Specializes in NICU/L&D, Hospice.

My oldest was hard to get to pee in the potty. I got him trained by allowing him pee in the backyard. Not treating him like a dog mind you, but to make it fun. I know that sounds weird, but hey, it worked! My youngest picked up the pee/potty fairly easily, since his brother was doing it (only 18 months apart), but he would hide in a corner to poop. This went on for almost a year after he began using the potty to pee! Then I just decided to let him sit in it. When he was finally uncomfortable, I would follow him to the bathroom and he would have to take the pull up off and put the poo in the toilet. I told him that he was no longer a baby, and I no longer had to change diapers. He used the potty pretty quickly after that. When he used the potty by his own choice, we had a party and I told him how great it was and we threw away all of the pull ups we had left. I let him watch daddy put them in the trash, then continued to party. Sure, there were accidents, but I always responded with "that sure feels yucky, huh?" He always agreed.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide

VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN

22 Articles; 9,987 Posts

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Whooooeeeeeeeee.........there is a HUGE control issue here, and it's the five-year-old who's in control. The question is, how to change the situation and get the child to do what the parent wants?

Answer: Make him responsible for his own toileting. Tell him that almost-five is old enough to take care of things himself, and that you don't care anymore if he poops in his pants.....just to let you know when and where he's done it so you can help him clean himself up. Then give him some wipes and show him how to wash himself and rinse out his underwear (I don't recommend Pull-Ups because children need to feel what it's like to be soiled). Don't be punitive, but do let him know that this will be the expectation after every BM because poop is full of germs and you don't want him to get sick. Be matter-of-fact, be consistent, and be loving......don't let yourself get trapped in the power struggle, and DON'T let him wear diapers anymore. Yes, it will be messy for a little while, but again, if you're consistent---and stop focusing on this as a disciplinary issue---he will figure it out pretty quickly.

This worked with both my boys, and even though they 'trained' later than the average child (3 1/2 yrs.), we avoided the power struggle AND they actually trained faster.........I think Chris was accident-free in a matter of a couple of weeks, and Ben within a few days. Neither one liked the feeling of being dirty, and they figured out real quick that they didn't like rinsing out their underwear. The trick is NOT to make a big deal out of it, but act like it's the most natural thing in the world for folks to do their 'business' in the potty.......and that you expect him to take care of his own 'business'.:)

Good luck to you!

prmenrs, RN

4,565 Posts

Specializes in NICU, Infection Control.

@ this age, this can turn into a medical issue, and your pediatrician may be able to help you. The stuff can get so hard, it hurts to go, so the kid doesn't want to go, and will suppress the urge.

One of my co-workers had the same problem w/her son. Her peds saved her sanity!

Discuss this w/his doc ASAP!

HONEYBEAR

129 Posts

When I read posts like this, it adds another reason to my list of why my hubby and I do not want children. :chuckle

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