Marriage to a Nurse-- Need HELP - page 10

Hi everyone. I am nto a nurse, however I am in a serious relationship with a Student Nurse. We have been talking marriage for some time now but she needs to graduate school. She will be done with... Read More

  1. by   zambezi
    There has been lots of "converstaion" about many of the topics and issues you may face with having your fiance be a nurse. YOu have gotten a lot of good advice.

    Bottom line is: If you love your fiance, you can make it work. YOu will support her in her endeavors and she will support you in yours. That sounds storybook and of course, real life has its ups and downs and pitfalls, but it is done every day by thousands of hospital and shift workers daily. Marriage is a give and take relationship. Life/work, etc may bring bumps but if you can work together and learn to understand eachother you can get through anything. It is all about balance.
  2. by   NeedAdvice1234
    Anywho, you came here, I REPEAT, to get some insight into what makes a marriage work.
    OK #1 lets see if we can understand. I will go slow... IIII Neverrrrrrr Askedddd Anyoneeeee Howwwww Toooo Makeeee Aaaaa Marriageeeee Workkkk!!! I asked for insights to the nursing profession. To clear up some outright fears of mine...and to see if there is anything I should worry about in nursing that either me or my girl have not come across...For example... Health coverage may be better if she was under my plan or mine under hers because blah blah blah....NOTTTT ASKINGE ABOUT HEALTH COVERAGE ITS HYPOTHETICAL!!!

    Ok I will allow you to take a break to review that point...make sure you understand it...because everything I been talking about u took left field approaches too... I'll wait :spin:


    OK were back .....no not over there over here

    If you live to be 150 you will never understand what it means to be a nurse, or how hard we work. We WORK, day in and day out! You obviously have no clue whatsoever what a nurses role is, but then you may just get your ideas of nursing from "All My Children".

    Once again a nice contradiction and personal attack I take it???
    You tell me your hubby understand you and reads you like a book... well then he has some idea about what you do.... I'm sorry but FOR THE RECORD I could not do what a nurse does it takes a special person to deal with that stuff day in and day out....but tell me.... do you think you can understand my JOB??? Probally not...Not a fair statement to make when the same applies to you!!

    Ok I will allow you yet another break to review that point

    Well, we've all been trying, and you aren't hearing what you want to hear, apparently. My husband said that you just don't get it; you'll end up eating by yourself, and that you aren't marrying a maid. Fetching dinner is preferable to eating alone.

    Noooooooo your not trying .... your telling me that i am a bad guy and how i want to controll my wife and marry a maid!!! Find one post of mine that I state that...go ahead anywhere... find it...... try harder...Oh wait I never said or implied that!!! I thought details were apart of your JOB!!! I guess not...
    I suggest you read my origanl post one more time..and have hubby help you get through the tough words.!!!

    Like when you are in Triage (look it up; I'm not going to bother explaining it to you)
    No explination necessary.... I went to college! ITS NOT A MEDICAL TERM!! It means to sort out by importance... its a word however most commonly used in medical fields!! and yes I do know how it applies.



    because you would be bugging the :hatparty: out of me for stupid stuff like when is my room going to be ready...blah blah blah and interfering with my job. But then again you're obviously much too thick to understand the subtleties of nursing, this profession, and especially what it means to work ER. I guess you're "above" all that.
    Lets see.... is this another attack on my personality from a oringal post you can read by yourself? I think soo..... trust me I am afriad to be under your care....... especially since you don't seem to know what the hell your talking about half the time.


    As for "seeing what your future holds", I see frozen dinners. Lots and lots of frozen dinners. Or maybe living with your parents for a long, long time.
    Another great assumption based on no facts... Fact of the matter is...I cook for my girl now..make her meals for work and yes make dinner for the nights she has classes... I WORKED IN A ITALIAN RESTURNAT TIL I WAS 20

    I'll say it again, grow up. Please don't marry this girl while you are so freaked out over minutiae. Give it 5, 10, 15 years. Bukko may be right.
    Minutiae--- thats a big old college word... Now where did u learn that???


    Get a job,
    Got one....if u could read I stated exactly where I work and What I do!!

    another degree, go to college or grad school.
    All three obtained thanks!


    Be less dependent upon the opinions of others and quit freaking at those who are trying to give you the help you so desperately need

    ***Broken record playing in the background**
    God how the hell did u get through nursing school when you lack reading skills... ONCE AGAIN........I ASKED FOR INSIGHT ON HOW NURSES HANDLE EVERYDAY LIFE WITH THEIR SCHDULES.... You offered points on how i am screwed up for not being supportive. It sounds to me like your apart of a very large womans liberal group that bashes men..........You have this idea stuck in your skull on how i want to prevent my wife from being a nurse and how i want suzy homemaker yadda yadda yadda.... You would be surprised how Independent I really am!!!! More independent then you... cuz I got noone cooking me dinners rubbing my feet or offering me beers when i get home...I DO THAT FOR HER>.... why?? BECAUSE I AM SUPPORTIVE

    you must be a blonde !
  3. by   NeedAdvice1234
    Quote from nekhismom
    You know, NeedAdvice1234, I can see where you are coming from here. As someone who doesn't have much knowledge of the medical field, I'm sure you are wrought with worries. My husband was the same way when i first started school. I think you may just be worried about having time for one another. It does take a LOT of effort, but marriage in general takes a lot of effort.

    Listen to your fiance. She KNOWS more about the field than you do. Talk to her openly. I'm sure if you let her know that you are feeling like you might be second to her job, that she can help you to see how she is going to make time for you.

    Also, if having children is a concern, figure this. The majority of nurses are female, and MANY of them are mothers. I am a mom myself. We learn how to balance things. It's not always easy, but we do it. And moms in general will sacrifice their own wishes for the good of the kids and hubby. SO I'm SURE if you both want kids, you can work things out. As others have mentioned, she will likely have lots of flexibility with her schedule after a year or so. It may even work out so that you don't need daycare. And that is WONDERFUL.

    Talk to her openly. Best wishes to you both.
    Thank you for that.... actually i have discussed this issue with my girl over the past weekend.... I tried to listen to her...but it was hard to take her advice since see is so new... Kinda like if you go to a mechanic and says i was trained to fix your car just never fix a car yet.... You think he knows what he is talking about but you feel more confortable asking someone who has been in the profession awhile....funny thing is.... alot of what she told me is exactly what the GOOD NICE PEOPLE WHO CARE IN HERE.. have told me... you being one of the good ones... She is all for the postings I made because she wants to know what she should look out for before she makes any mistakes.. like getting locked into a rotation she never thought was possible or getting gipt on pay rates.
  4. by   NeedAdvice1234
    Quote from zambezi
    There has been lots of "converstaion" about many of the topics and issues you may face with having your fiance be a nurse. YOu have gotten a lot of good advice.

    Bottom line is: If you love your fiance, you can make it work. YOu will support her in her endeavors and she will support you in yours. That sounds storybook and of course, real life has its ups and downs and pitfalls, but it is done every day by thousands of hospital and shift workers daily. Marriage is a give and take relationship. Life/work, etc may bring bumps but if you can work together and learn to understand eachother you can get through anything. It is all about balance.

    well YEAH!!! thats what i am trying to do..be supportive and first i got to squash all the myths i have in my head about the bad stuff of nursing...in reality I am trying to be the best support she has...she lost everyone during her schooling! How can i support something i have no clue on.... at least people liek you are offering some good insgiht here.. there are others YOU KNOW WHO U ARE that have been helpful in getting me to where i need to be to support her
  5. by   critcarenurse16
    Do not believe what you see on TV and base your lifes decisions on that. Nursing is a very rewarding career choice that offers flexibilty of hours, days whatever. That is why there are so many working mothers in nursing. Your fiance can always work part-time. But to keep her from what she wants to do will breed resentment toward you. There are risks in all work settings--you can't live in a bubble. Your fears are real to you but it sounds to me like they are not about her choice of career path and the risk it poses to her health. You've mentioned you don't want to be alone for Christmas or at night while she works, but be honest with yourself-- you don't want to be alone... period. Let her follow her dream to be a nurse and she will love you for respecting her choices. Good luck.
  6. by   ljr3000
    So, is your fiance in school now??? I thought you said the other day that she dropped out for you!! I sure hope not, really needadvice I don't think you have any thing to worry about. Nursing is a wonderful and respected profession and you should be excited for her. Believe me her scheduling won't be that bad, especially if you have a good career and she could work prn or something; then she wouldn't necessarily have to work on Holidays. And if she does; I know at my hospital if we work the holiday one year then the next year we have it off. And if you have to work 7-3 on Christmas you still have the rest of the evening to celebrate it and vice versa. And better yet, if you get to celebrate with the one you love then it really doesn't matter what day it is on.

    Actually my schedule is better then my husbands. He's in business and he's out of town at least 3 days a week and actually I think it is good for us. And once you're together for awhile I think you would appreciate it too. Sometimes being around each other everyday is not good.

    Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder!!
  7. by   LPN2BSN
    According to the CEU I just took on HIV/AIDS, the number of persons who caught HIV from their job was very little...like 53.

    Now I am going to tell you how my marriage works. Yes...its stressful. Do I like working...not really. I would love to be a stay at home mom. I am lucky that since I have to work...I get to do something that I love. I think that my husband would tell you that my loving my job makes a BIG difference. I am happier at home, more at ease, and I don't dread going to work.
    Just make sure that she is happy in what she does. I mean she could get a dayshift job at McDonalds to be home with you...but would she love it?
    And honey...I can't think of one person who wasn't stressed out or depressed during nursing school. I had anxiety attacks for pete's sake! but i knew what was in store for me after I got out...and that kept me going.
    My husband is great...he cleans house, cooks dinner, takes care of our 4 year old. I make sure I call several times during my shift to talk with him.
    We also make sure that when we are both off of work at the same time, we do stuff together. He rides motorcycles, so I am learning to ride them also so we can go riding together. We'll have a "date" night once a week and my mom watching the boy (our 4 year old) once a week so we can have some private time. We also go to friends houses and play video games (we are all Halo freaks) and drink a few beers and relax. Making time to enjoy ourselves is important to us.
    Last edit by LPN2BSN on Apr 8, '04
  8. by   NeedAdvice1234
    Quote from ljr3000
    So, is your fiance in school now??? I thought you said the other day that she dropped out for you!! I sure hope not, really needadvice I don't think you have any thing to worry about. Nursing is a wonderful and respected profession and you should be excited for her. Believe me her scheduling won't be that bad, especially if you have a good career and she could work prn or something; then she wouldn't necessarily have to work on Holidays. And if she does; I know at my hospital if we work the holiday one year then the next year we have it off. And if you have to work 7-3 on Christmas you still have the rest of the evening to celebrate it and vice versa. And better yet, if you get to celebrate with the one you love then it really doesn't matter what day it is on.

    Actually my schedule is better then my husbands. He's in business and he's out of town at least 3 days a week and actually I think it is good for us. And once you're together for awhile I think you would appreciate it too. Sometimes being around each other everyday is not good.

    Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder!!
    No she didn't drop out... She said she would just to keep me in her life...I IMMEDIATLY TOLD HER NO... do nothing for me... take care of you.
    Thats where alot of this posting comes from....I have no rite to tell her to not follow her dreams I have no rite to get in the way of her life...but I do have every rite to question my life with based on what she wants... I want to reach a common goal.. She seems to have alot of the same ideas in her thoughts as I do. But if she didn't then wouldn't we be incompatable anyway?

    I been trying to write a novel...probally doesn't show in this forum because i type out fast and furious...hopefully it will sell and maybe I can get a book deal and then their wouldn't be any problems with finding the quality time to spend with my wife. She would be able to take any schdule she wants too and considering I make my own hours on when to write... then there would be no clash....

    The diseases thing seems to be resolved in my head... learning from everyone one of you...YES YOU TOO STICHIE..... seemed to quiet those fears rather nicely.

    Point of this discussion is to get some real insight from people who actually work as nurses who have lives... Rotation work and the life of a nurse cannot compare to that of say a lawyer... Nurses are in demand and health doesn't stop because its a holiday or a weekend.... However, I didin't want to find out that health and working as a nurse would dictate my entire life either..

    People find the ones they want to spend the rest of their lives with...but don't want to be chained to that person...their is always a give and take.... but if nursing is really that demanding my fears would be i would be giving a lot with hardly any left overs but the tired or quiet and closed person..How does one grow without affection or life...

    Like I said... its hard to know anything about nursing when all you know comes from movies and TV... You see drs running to the hospital because of emerency or babies...you see people frantic in ER and Trama shows...I thought if their is sooo much of that to make 500 diffrent shows about it some of it might be true...And that is scary.. Don't you agree????
  9. by   NeedAdvice1234
    Quote from LPN2BSN
    According to the CEU I just took on HIV/AIDS, the number of persons who caught HIV from their job was very little...like 53.

    Now I am going to tell you how my marriage works. Yes...its stressful. Do I like working...not really. I would love to be a stay at home mom. I am lucky that since I have to work...I get to do something that I love. I think that my husband would tell you that my loving my job makes a BIG difference. I am happier at home, more at ease, and I don't dread going to work.
    Just make sure that she is happy in what she does. I mean she could get a dayshift job at McDonalds to be home with you...but would she love it?
    And honey...I can't think of one person who wasn't stressed out or depressed during nursing school. I had anxiety attacks for pete's sake! but i knew what was in store for me after I got out...and that kept me going.
    My husband is great...he cleans house, cooks dinner, takes care of our 4 year old. I make sure I call several times during my shift to talk with him.
    We also make sure that when we are both off of work at the same time, we do stuff together. He rides motorcycles, so I am learning to ride them also so we can go riding together. We'll have a "date" night once a week and my mom watching the boy (our 4 year old) once a week so we can have some private time. We also go to friends houses and play video games (we are all Halo freaks) and drink a few beers and relax. Making time to enjoy ourselves is important to us.
    BINGO!!! thats what i wanted to know....HOW IS LIFE LIKE BEING MARRIED TO A NURSE!! thats exactly what I wanted to know!! aside from the pinpoited questions of my own fears...THANK YOU FOR TRULY UNDERSTANDING MY QUESTION...which is not hard as long as you take it face value and not try to read into it....Thats what you did..

    AWESOME... so family time and alone time is important to you... its importnat to me and her as well.... OK now your going to get a bunch of questions LOL.

    I also think maybe her nursing school is depressing me... its something i can't confort her on.. she was pretty depressed last semester..and there was no affection between us... we didn't go out she didn't want to....No emotion.... no nothing.... I tried the best i could to break her free from her depression but it just got worse.... I cooked her huge italina meals... bought her little no material gifts... offered to do shopping and her clothes while she took a nap I was there 100% but nursing school overcame it all...ITS NICE TO KNOW there is an end to all this stuff

    She wants ER...but is afraid she might not be able to mentally handle it. Thats why she thinks OR might be her thing or even forensics. (sp) She loves the inside of a body but can't take say a mother crying and pleading to not let her little boy die because of drunk driver.

    1. what does hubby do for living
    2. How do you handle the holidyas with the 4 year old when u need to work them
    3. Why do you consider it stressfull...is it any more or less stressful if you were in anothe professions or u just saying marriage itself is stressful?
    4. What made u go into nursing?
    5. Why do you love it so much...would you love it as much if say if you were in Er or Peds or Burn unit?
    6. What is you schdule like?? is it one of those 7-7 3 days on 4 days off everyone is talking about?

    OHHHHHH boy I am excited.... Your the one i been waiting for to answer all those frightful questions.....
  10. by   MryRose
    Is there really a girlfriend?????????

    If so, she needs a backbone... and you need a hobby.

    Every single post you have made is about YOU.

    She is in nursing school and YOU are depressed???? lolol Oh my gosh!

    Honey, every marriage is going to be different..... because every relationship is different. This thread is all about you...

    You wanted info.... here's mine:

    Go get counseling!
  11. by   MryRose
    Quote from orrnlori
    I think I'm beginning to see a troll here. This just doesn't seem real to me, does anyone else feel this?

    Yup.... I do see it too
  12. by   Nurse Ratched
    Closing this one for the time being pending moderator discussion.

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