LPN with Battery Charge on Criminal Record-Help

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I need some advice, but first let me give you some background information......... I've been married for almost 14 years, in the process of getting a divorce. My daughter (15) has -never- gotten along with her step-father, which has caused innummerable problems, especially in the last few years since she has been a teen (and developing a mind of her own!) I have always felt trapped between them, like walking on eggshells, not wanting to seem unfair to her in my decisions -regarding- her, but not wanting to make mu husband angry either, because he always thought I was too easy on her.

At any rate, this has all come to a head in the last year, and we are now separated and getting a divorce. My daughter and I got into a horrible fight last November, and I slapped her twice. This is the only time I have ever completely lost my temper with her and physically struck her, although I've been tempted other times in the past. (Please, no flames; unless you've lived for the last 3 years with a drug-using, foul-mouthed teen who gets in your face and screams filthy names at you, and you can keep from slapping them) She called the police, and I was charged with battery. It didn't dawn on me that this would show up on my criminal record, as I've never had -anything- on my record before so never worried about it. I was hired for a new job in long term care a couple of weeks ago, and they did a background check, and the battery charge came up. They asked me about it, and I was informed that it was their company policy not to hire anyone with a battery charge on their record. I've worked in long term care for 14 years, have never done anything else, and now apparently this battery charge is going to keep me from working in this field!

I am on a "deferred prosecution" program, meaning I haven't been found guilty, and where the charge will be dismissed and off my record after a year as long as I don't get into any more "trouble". My question is, do all nursing fields do a background check and is this going to keep me from nursing at -any- job until it's removed from my record?? I was told I could apply for a "waiver", but have no idea what that is or how to get one...... can anyone give me any advice? I can't believe that losing my temper with my daughter one time is going to cost me my career for a year, and I can't go that long without working! Any ideas or advice??

:o

Specializes in Geriatrics, LTC.

Ok here is my 2 cents....why is it an adult (meaning someone over 18) can get in your face and cuss you out, and be under the influence and verbally assualt you and if you haul off and slap them then people say "You are just defending yourself." Now if your pretty much fully grown teen does the same thing and you hit the breaking point and slap them one time...not repeatedly...day after day....but a one time incident people start screaming abuse? Was 14yr right for slapping her kid...no but was 14 yr abusing her...heck no! If she has tried everything she can to stop this kid, and this kid continues to push and push and push...day after day after day...yep I think I would finally break and slap my kid too. That's the problem now days, kids know that they can do whatever they want, because the law is on their side. Now don't start flaming me and get me all wrong I don't agree with beating a kid and abusing them. But come on what is going to stop this kid? Time in jail..yeah right...tv...freinds and 3 square meals....other kids egging things on and encouraging even worse behavior. I think 14 yr should get some counseling to see if there is a reason her daughter is acting out, and find out about that waiver.

Please no flaming for my opinion...thanks....and good luck 14 yr :)

hey, i'm not saying she is abusing her kid! All I am saying is instead of hitting, why not find a positive approach? I'm sorry that this situation has happened, but it could have been avoided.

Please enlighten me on how hitting a child/teenager is helping the situation??

And yes, I have lived with a teenager screaming in my face and hitting me and throwing knives and chairs at me. It wasnt my kid, but that makes no difference. I've lived with it and dealt with it in a positive way.

Life aint always a bed of roses, but why the need for a negative approach?

And thats my 3 posts. I'm out of this one now.

Specializes in Geriatrics, LTC.

No this is not a flame...just another opinion.

I am not saying beat the kid, but what is a positive approach? "Hi honey I love you...please stop verbally abusing me" as the kid continues to berate you. What should you do walk away? The the kid/teen/young adult, thinks "cool I got away with it". That's what I mean, I got spanked..and in no way am I a bad person or abusive. But I knew what I could do and what I couldn't and I knew right from wrong. I really wish people would stop saying "there are other ways"...been there done that. I went through a phase of not wanting to spank my kids when they were littler (i'm not talking beat the cr** out of them, but just a tap on the rear), one of my daughters did something wrong and I told her "your having a time out" she would look at me and say "good I'm tired anyways". I'm not saying too that ALWAYS should your FIRST response be to spank/slap whatever...but to keep your kids out of trouble ...you may have to take drastic measures. Please don't flame me...I swear this is only my opinion...and no matter how we try none of us are going to agree. That is what makes us human...our diversity...our opinions. Have a great evening ya'll! :)

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.
Originally posted by FutureNurse2005

hey, i'm not saying she is abusing her kid! All I am saying is instead of hitting, why not find a positive approach? I'm sorry that this situation has happened, but it could have been avoided.

Please enlighten me on how hitting a child/teenager is helping the situation??

And yes, I have lived with a teenager screaming in my face and hitting me and throwing knives and chairs at me. It wasnt my kid, but that makes no difference. I've lived with it and dealt with it in a positive way.

Life aint always a bed of roses, but why the need for a negative approach?

And thats my 3 posts. I'm out of this one now.

Hey why get out of a conversation that is going well. No flaming and a good discussion, it may end with an agreement to disagree, but at least we can discuss all sides. Huh?

I didn't mean to imply that hitting the child helped the situation. Just that I could understand.

I only took exception to your statement "I'm sorry that you have to deal with this behaviour, but its a part of parenting. All teenagers go through this stage! Just do your best to be there for them and not hurt them. "

I'll say once again, hitting it wrong. There are many positive approaches that could be used.

You're coming from a standpoint of being in an abusive home.

I'm coming from the standpoint of being in a family with an abusive (not physically, but emotionally and verbally, totally out of control) teenager. He was a good kid, just got hooked on drugs. My parents went through a lot of guilt and shame over this, blaming themselves for his behavior and drug addiction. Many other parents who don't understand blame them as well.

Before my mom's breakdown, (major depression, guilt, shame, suicide attempt, and the trashing of his room, ever see a 35 year old mom in anger lift an entire bed and throw it across the room?) they went through YEARS of hell. This included interference from law enforcement, school counselers, phychologists, etc. They tried all the "positive" approaches. The only thing that worked was him turning 18 and kicking him out of the house. Neither of my parents laid a hand on him, so from my standpoint I would have whupped his butt. (Not really, but felt like it).

It wasn't just a rebellious teenager pushing buttons one time. And I don't think the original poster's child was either. We all have our breaking points. Yours is different.

I'm so empathetic to the original poster. Again, I don't condone the slap, and the consequences of that must be dealt with. But I understand reaching a breaking point. It doesn't happen the first time, it doesn't happen over night, but it festers and accumulates over many months or years.

O.K. I've said my peace. Am always willing to discuss and listen. Please don't take this as a flame. One thing we can both relate on, we both come from dysfunctional families and it affects us still today.

:kiss

Specializes in Geriatrics, LTC.
Originally posted by 3rdShiftGuy

Hey why get out of a conversation that is going well. No flaming and a good discussion, it may end with an agreement to disagree, but at least we can discuss all sides. Huh?

I only took exception to your statement "I'm sorry that you have to deal with this behaviour, but its a part of parenting. All teenagers go through this stage! Just do your best to be there for them and not hurt them. "

I'll say once again, hitting it wrong. There are many positive approaches that could be used.

You're coming from a standpoint of being in an abusive home.

I'm coming from the standpoint of being in a family with an abusive (not physically, but emotionally and verbally, totally out of control) teenager. He was a good kid, just got hooked on drugs. My parents went through a lot of guilt and shame over this, blaming themselves for his behavior and drug addiction. Many other parents who don't understand blame them as well.

Before my mom's breakdown, (major depression, guilt, shame, suicide attempt, and the trashing of his room, ever see a 35 year old mom in anger lift an entire bed and throw it across the room?) they went through YEARS of hell. This included interference from law enforcement, school counselers, phychologists, etc. They tried all the "positive" approaches. The only thing that worked was him turning 18 and kicking him out of the house.

It wasn't just a rebellious teenager pushing buttons one time. And I don't think the original poster's child was either. We all have our breaking points. Yours is different.

I'm so empathetic to the original poster. Again, I don't condone the slap, and the consequences of that must be dealt with. But I understand reaching a breaking point. It doesn't happen the first time, it doesn't happen over night, but it festers and accumulates over many months or years.

O.K. I've said my peace. Am always willing to discuss and listen. Please don't take this as a flame. One thing we can both relate on, we both come from dysfunctional families and it affects us still today.

:kiss

Nicely put...thanks :)

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.
Originally posted by LPN_mn

By the way we have 3 other children. I have to say that the house has been very quiet for the past 4 months. He is getting the help he needs and the other children who are home are getting the counseling and the help they need. Our 16 year old was contemlating suicide because he felt he could not take the abuse from his brother anymore. We found this out after he was in the program and the other kids started counseling. So it is not just the users problem, it effects the entire family and has to be dealt with as a family.

My heart goes out to you. I hope that all goes well. Your last statement is so true. When my parents were dealing with my brother, my sister and I definately were affected. Tale care.

...until we have walked in someone else's shoes we really cannot judge...unless you really know about abuse first hand, you should not judge...there are people who keep trying to work things out the best they can with what they have. Counselling only works when the parties are committed to making it work; therefore, it may work for the parent and not the teen. It is like quiting smoking. You have to want to do it for it to work. This is a very difficult subject that not many understand, or want to.

Everyone has a breaking point....everyone. For example:

You can take the nicest dog who "would never bite" and keep taunting and harrassing and cornering it and it will eventually lash out with a bite...because it can't take anymore.

People should never think that they would never "do that" until you have been at your witts end and run down and have actually experienced it. ABUSE should be taken seriously. I don't agree with emotional or physical abuse, but from what I read I feel that this action may have been in response to experiencing abuse.

Those that have been there know what I mean.

Specializes in LTC/Peds/ICU/PACU/CDI.

i can see & understand what happened in this situation...& i won't make any judgments. i know there's a hell of lot of sh*te not told to us that led-up to this unfortunate situation. i completely feel for you 14yrlpn! if it's any consulation, i personally wouldn't have slapped my daughter, but i would've put my foot in her a$$ or getting her around the throat or both!!! i too was raised with spankings, punishments, hits/slaps, & the like without having any adverse reactions. i believe what may have happened in your case is that you've spared the rod while your child was growing-up & she, unfortunately, became spoiled as a result. 14 yrlpn, your kids are too old for any sort of physical spankings now & would, instead, require alternate forms of punishments such as groundings, take away favorite objects (i.e. computer time/cds/ dvds/ mall shopping/ etc). one thing that james touched on in one of his posts is the fact that you've obviously allowed your child to be verbally abusive & out of control. you've said that your soon to be ex-husband said that you weren't tough enough on your kids. my first thought is...are you taking out your failed marriage on your kids...especially your daughter because it seems that she never took to him & they never got along? or could it be that now he's out of the picture, your daughter is trying your boiling point? the kids today have way too much power with threatening their parents/teachers with dyfus or whatever gov't agency. they do need boundaries set & established from an early age & if you'd failed to do this for whatever reasons...then it is a bit late in the game to discipline her now...especially with spankings.

however, i would like to thank jame & orca for making the charges of battery clear. unfortunately, the hospital/nursing home has to abide by the background checks & hire/not hire accordingly. it just sucks that you've got caught-up in this nightmare but hopefully you'll have learned from this experience & grow from it.

a lot of people here are saying that you as the adult could or should just walk away from your teenager (who's only three years away from being legally grown - one year away from applying for legal separation from you). i know that you slap your child out of frustration/desperation - but just how hard you'd slapped her remains to be seen...i.e. were there any bruises, cuts, scratches resulting from this slap...did your daughter receive a bloody nose or black eye? i'm not trying to paint a bad picture nor am i trying to pry, but would really like to know just how you slapped your daughter...was it open handedly or was it forceful enough to turn her head from straight to sideways? i think the degree in which she was slapped should have been factured in the battery charge. i'm not condoning your actions in slapping your child, nor am i condeming you either...i just wanted a better picture of what happened is all.

if the slap was just enough to sting in order to get her attention, i believe that she may have went overboard in calling the police; however, if you'd delivered it with everything you had, then it was justified. surely at her age, she should've known what the possible outcomes of calling the the authorities could produce...being placed in foster care...you going to jail for a number of years. a lot of people here have said that you as the adult should have simply walked away...but again...your daughter is also old enough to know right from wrong & should share in some of the responsibility of what took place leading up to that occurance. i think that if you're legally old enough to have sex & abortions (not saying that she's having sex or had an abortion...just legally able to)...you should be old enough to know how far to push your parents in a child/parent relationship.

i personally know someone who is also a lpn that had her eldest son taken from her because he didn't feel like doing his chores that day & decided to call dyfus & told them that his mother was abusing him...he had the nerve to say that she was using him as a personal slave because he didn't feel like doing his established chores...& yup...you've guess it...he's 14 y/o. when the gov't agency showed-up at 12 midnight, they wanted to inspect the house & woke-up the other two sleeping kids (whom upon awaking started crying & wanted something to eat...one is dx with audism & the other is a little butterball). dyfus took all of her children that night because they said the the kids were hungry & that she was being furhter investigated because she told the agent that if her son felt that he was in any danger or was that unhappy living in her house they were welcome to take him. they said that was abandonment!!! so they took him & placed him in a home for kids & found-out that he suffers from seizures & added additional charges to my friend for not disclosing the fact that he was going without his medication. the boy is 14...he's taken this medication for years...he never thought to mention this fact to agent but they found-out when his mother took him his medications & decided to add additional charges. eventually, the state has placed her eldest son with her mother (who has adopted several foster kids herself & have installed a swimming pool for them, has cable in their room, & whatever else they want at their disposal) it took them about a month to do so; but they'd returned the other younger kids within a few days with her & her husband. she has told me that there won't be anything showing up on her record that would jepordize her lpn license, but she has to pay thousands of dollars in legal fees because of her smart a$$ son who've since made up with her. the thing that totally pisses me off about that situation is that if he wanted to go live with his grandmother (because all of the nice stuff there), why didn't he just simply ask instead of putting his parents through this on going hell :mad:...but i've digressed.

anyhoo, 14yrlpn, i'm going to suggest that you do seek spiritual & professional guidance in this manner because for the sake of you & your family unit, you must take action.

again sorry this had to happen to you!

cheers!

moe

Specializes in SICU.

I didn't know a battery conviction equaled a felony conviction at all?? Isn't battery similar to an assault charge? Where I live that's a misdemeanor... but I'm no lawyer.

As far as the daughter goes, I must say that if either one of my daughters EVER talked to me like her daughter talked to her, they'd be shopping for false teeth. My children are not perfect, and they are allowed plenty of room for "growing-up" mistakes, but we discuss them rationally. My children learned early on that I will not accept behavior like that. We are very close and have a wonderful relationship, as I do with my mother, who slapped the CRAPOLA out of me quite a few times during my 15th year of life. I love her to the ends of the earth for it. She taught me respect and boundaries.

This doesn't indicate that I was an abused child. I was very loved growing up, but also knew that my mother would not tolerate anything like that. I tested it during my teen years, and she didn't let me cross that line.

:cool: Hello and how are you? I have gone through a very similar situation about two years ago and now it has haunted me. I am currently seeking legal advise. I have tried writing a letter to my state govenor, but not much luck there. I was told to request a simple pardon, but this simple pardon is telling the state that I am sorry for what happened. I was wrongfully acused and charged. Now I am suffering. If ther are any medical professionals who can help we nurses in need, please lend a hand.

As for you, don't give up. Nurses are the most important people in the world today and our career will never go out of business and if you are a good nurse, you can never be replaced.

Nurse-On-Call

Hello again,

A battery can be a felony if it meets all the elements, that being aggravated: use of deadly weapon, great difference between ages & physical conditions, & or culpable mental state. The presence of one or more of the aggavating factors could result in a felony battery. In common law the term assault & battery are sometimes used to indicate 1 offense. An assault is an attempt to strike and the victim would be apprehensive of impending harm or danger, whereas a battery is the successful unlawful intentional striking of a person. A battery can't be committed w/o assaulting the victim, but an assault can occur w/o committing a battery. In most states the crime of assault also includes batteries, but not all states. Misdemeanor assault/batteries are classified as A or B. The degree of the crimes & penalties are increased w/aggravating factors according to your state legislature. With the aggravating factors it turns a misdemeanor into a felony w/different degrees (1st, 2nd, 3rd). Now w/child abuse, which I think we are talking about covers people who inflict such injuries on children may be charged w/assault/battery & other offenses in the criminal code of the state where the offense occurred.

O.K., w/that said I hope I have been able to clarify my previous definitions. To the lady that is going thru this terrible time in her family's life: Go to your states statutes for your states Nurse Practice Act & go to Disciplinary actions. It will tell you what actions from the nurse will constitute grounds for disciplinary actions. Seek professional legal representation. I understand where U are coming from & I pray that your situation will be resolved. If you would like to contact me personally you can write to [email protected] & I will be glad to speak w/u.

Charly RN,LNC

14 year LPN I feel so sorry for you. I have a 15 year old who is in a private school and a terrific student and basically a good boy. However, being the hormoned induced child that he is he has pushed me to the wall as well. I have not had to slap him but then, I have had visions of wanting to cuff him right up alongside of his cute little head. No one can judge how they would react to a situation until they have first handidly lived what you are going through. Personally maybe one instance of slap in the face may have been warranted, that is not abuse in my eyes. I feel abuse is something like the author of "A Child Called It" went through. I feel for you, see a lawyer and a family therapist to get your career and your childs life staightened out. This world has gotten away from simple parenting skills. Kids have no fear of getting into trouble these days. They have NO respect for their parents, their teachers, elders or anyone in authority. I don't promote slapping however, sometimes they just may need a quick swift kick in the pants to realize they are not in total control. It's too bad that families today do not do the simple things in life like eating dinner together, going to a movie together. The family dynamics are no longer just mother, father, brothers and sisters . It's step this and step that, "Uncle" this half that there is not stability and consistency, no accountability for their actions (good or Bad). We have come to a world of blaming instead of owning up and accepting what you have coming to you. There are too many split families or children left to raise themselves. Learn to love one another again. Take care, and I sincerley hope all goes well for you.

+ Add a Comment