"Just" a nurse? You can do so much better!

[Mirai Kangofu]

When I announce my choice of career, I often get looks of disappointment along with the, "But... you're too smart to be a nurse. You should be a doctor," line, or, "Oh, you couldn't get into med school?" This especially tend to happen on the Asian side of my family. Most of these people are victims to the presteige job stereotype and tend to view nurses as single moms and high school dropouts who don't have the brains to go beyond organized domestic work. I have a neighbor and friend who's great but pulls the above line all the time despite my requests for her to stop, mostly in front of others. In response, I wrote a letter that will serve as a template to others should the need arise.

Dear -----,

I would like to discuss a problem concerning your opinion of my career of choice. When discussing my decision to be a nurse, you tend to respond something along the line of, "But... why not be a doctor? You're to smart to be a nurse," in a disappointed manner. I acknowledge your intention to compliment me as being intelligent, and I appreciate your high opinion. In actuality, you are insulting the field of nursing and therefore insulting my choice of career. I once requested that you please cease to question my career, but you have continued to bemoan how I am "not living up to my potential," so I am writing a letter to explicitly voice my grievances and request once and for all for my choices to be respected.

I would expect another person of an underappreciated career choice to have some empathy. Artists are sometimes stereotyped as academic failures and slackers who enter the field because they can't get real jobs, that art is a useless field that is instated for academically inept people, and that any idiot can draw. This is especially projected in the fact that art programs are being cut from school curriculums. How would you feel if I scoffed at your career, or bemoaned you for "not living up to your potential" to get a Ph D in fine art, or that you should have entered a "real career" like law, medicine, or business? It would be hurtful and insulting, especially if you knew the person had no idea about the field and was basing his opinion on nothing but a stereotype.

To put it bluntly, we nurses put up with a lot of ****. Patients, delusional doctors, patients' relatives, and people who stereotype us as doctors' handmaidens and nymphomaniac mistresses all wear on our nerves. I choose to be a nurse because I want to enter the medical field and help people, as well as build a successful career. To stereotype the nursing field as settling for a plan B if one can't get into medical school or not living up to one's potential is hurtful. Sure, some people may enter the field when that happens, but there are a lot of people who find the field rewarding and challenging. Nursing, a career too easy for smart people? Spend a few hours in the ER and then tell me that all the brains and abilities lie in the doctors. One of the things that attracted me to Sam was the fact that he's spent all too much time in the hospitals and fully appreciates nurses. Anyone who's ever been in the hospital will quickly learn that we are the backbone of the healthcare system, as well the patients' direct caretakers. The life of the doctor is glamorized, and you as well as 99% of the population fall for that. I'm not downplaying doctors, nor do I see them as "sour grapes." We're the ones who keep the doctors from messing up, as well as the ones who really have contact with the patients. Nursing is not tantamount with failure or underachieving, it is opportunity and dedication.

I am not angry with you, and I hope that we can continue the friendship. I simply wish for you to respect my wishes and realize that your stereotyping of the nursing field is wrong and insulting.

Sincerely,

------

How does it sound? Is it too bitchy or vindictive? Should I add or delete anything? Thanks!

[Mirai Kangofu]

Follow-up: I ended up not giving her the letter. Instead, I made it an Abraham Lincoln Letter. You know, when you write a letter, put it in an envelope, and put it in your desk drawer rather than send it. I did talk to her about it and I think that things have been cleared up. I was able to work it in the conversation while we were half-watchin a movie. I forget what the title was, but one of the lines was something like, "Man, that doctor's office was sleazy. It seemed like the nurses were doing all the work." We looked at each other with totally "DUH" expressions on our faces, and I exclaimed, "The is the most redundant thing I've ever heard. Nurses ALREADY do all of the work!" I told her about the career, and she seemed to understand. We spent the rest of the evening packing, talking about her lech of an ex-husband and her life in NYC while giggling about my poor boyfriend who was painfully constipated in my apt bathroom who was struggling while trying to gulp down the nasty cherry-flavored magnesium citrate laxative. Yay for happy endings!

[RosesrReder, BSN, MSN, RN]

Awsome, I am happy to read this. Good luck :)

[TypicalFish]

To be honest, nothing that you write or say can convince some people of the validity of your career choice; they will think what they want regardless of what you tell them. You letter is awesome, but honestly, if you are happy with and proud of your choice, that is all that matters. It might be an unpleasant reality that they feel that you could "do better", but maybe with time, through your enjoyment and satisfaction with your career choice, they will be more understanding. I wish you the best.

[Toothbrushx2]

When I announce my choice of career, I often get looks of disappointment along with the, "But... you're too smart to be a nurse. You should be a doctor," line, or, "Oh, you couldn't get into med school?" This especially tend to happen on the Asian side of my family. Most of these people are victims to the presteige job stereotype and tend to view nurses as single moms and high school dropouts who don't have the brains to go beyond organized domestic work. I have a neighbor and friend who's great but pulls the above line all the time despite my requests for her to stop, mostly in front of others. In response, I wrote a letter that will serve as a template to others should the need arise.

How does it sound? Is it too bitchy or vindictive? Should I add or delete anything? Thanks!

Well written. Continue to stand up for our profession. We all need to stand up for our profession. It is a wonderful profession to be in.

[sesterces]

As a possible future nurse, who cares what they think. I cant think of a harder profession with the exception of doctor or police officer in a really crime ridden city. I went to undergrad with alot of so called smarter people who will in the long term be making alot more money than any nurse. But they will never have worked half as hard. Unfortuantely I didnt study much there but I'm hoping I found one Accelerated program in Miami that I can get into if I really do well on my Pres. Forget the detractors and ask them to do what you do in one night, they probably couldnt handle it. I hope I can. and by the why I feel as if i have a decent picture of the nursing situation before I step in and I'm amazed that the work enviornment isnt better. Nurses are worth much more than they are paid. What job is more imporant than in which you have lives at stake? I;ve read all the different theories, hopefully it will change one day.

[cjvornheder]

I'm the daughter of a nurse and the sister of a nurse. I confess I'm not a nurse myself. I came here looking for info. and signed up because I saw a question I just had to answer for somebody. I'm a medical transcriptionist. I didn't become a nurse because I heard my mom crying after work way too often. I decided when I was a kid that I never, never, never wanted to be a nurse. I was a nurses' aide for a while when I really needed a job. That really reaffirmed my conviction. As a nurses' aide, I could just send the trouble to the nurse. Nurses take everybody ****. Everybody worships the doctor and condemns the nurse. Too often, though not always, it ought to be the other way around. Listen, I know I don't have to tell y'all this. You know it, but listen, as a fellow health care professional: Hats off. After tonite, I'll leave this site to you nurses. I just had to answer that question if I can just find that thread . . . .

[Fun2, BSN, RN]

The ADN program where I applied to only accepted 4.0 students for Spring '06, and only accepted 3.77 and up for the two previous semesters. In other words, this is not only with the BSN and higher. GPA-based entry makes it extremely tough.

If someone was to say something like this to me, I personally would say something along the lines of, "I will get to care for the patient more as a nurse, and nurses have to be smart enough to catch any mistakes the doctor may make."

It doesn't really tear down a Dr.'s profession because we know they have to be intelligent to get there, but it does state that they are human and can make mistakes as well.

Great letter!

As with people saying 'just a nurse, you are much smarter', it really really bugs me. I'm entering a program soon and must achieve a 3.5 GPA or greater to get in. You have to be just as smart as a doctor to be an RN, especially if you are doing a BsN or masters degree. Alot of doctors may be book smart, but are sure dense common sense wise.

Best of luck to you and don't allow anyone to steer you in the wrong correction.