Just need to vent....

[husker-nurse]

All my life I wanted to be a Nurse. I worked as a laborer in various areas, was very good at what I did at every job, then decided what the heck, I'll give it a shot. With the support of my wonderful husband, I entered Nursing at our community college and got my RN a little over 2 years ago. :balloons: Mostly, I love my job, but I feel as though I seriously have clinical depression. I have gained 50 pounds in the last 10 years, and if I gain any more, I will REALLY be frustrated! But, that can be fixed. I feel as though I am not as "smart" as the other RN's that I work with, (although I am intelligent to know that I would NEVER develop a "I know everything atitude") but I'm able to function well enough to provide safe patient care. My patients, for the most part, think I am wonderful, and that keeps me going. I do not sleep well, and I feel like all I do is work and sleep, anyway. I have discussed this with my Dr., I have been to a psychologist, who suggested that I divorce my husband (who is a well-functioning bi-polar patient, for the most part). I think that all they see is that I maintain a sense of humor about life and that I am able to do what I need to do to get by. I guess that what I'm saying is that I really feel let down; that life is very seldom a bowl of cherries. I spoke to my hubby, who was very surprised to hear that I feel this way. My youngest got married to a wonderful woman 3 months ago and my daughter is pregnant with my second grandchild; I should be thrilled to be alive, but I am not. I was really surprised to see that the psychologist didn't suggest that there might be a problem, but she has the degree and I do not. Am I making way to big of a deal here? I have a few friends, and am lucky to be able to say that they will always be there for me. At work, I am told I am too outspoken by some of the staff. The CNA's love me, I help them as much as I can. And yes, I do have my friends at work! I am soooo sorry that this post is so long, and I don't expect professional advice here, but does anyone else feel this way????

[redshiloh]

And if that wasn't enough to convince you to get your thyroid checked...

Last Thursday I got some bad news at work and could not stop crying for like a couple HOURS, the news wasn't THAT bad.

Dawned on me when I got home that I had not taken my synthroid in a week!

DUH!

Feel MUCH better today....

[mother/babyRN, RN]

Sounds to me as though you have been overwhelmed with all the changes that have occurred over the last several years as well as a new , stressful job. It doesn'tmatter who has what degree and I hope you don't measure your intelligence by that marker. Nursing is stressful. Life changes are stressful. Perhaps you could take some time off or try a new type of nursing or place of employement. You can be stressed and still love nursing....Switch psychologists. In my opinion a good one will help YOU discover what needs to be changed and what is going on RATHER than immediately suggesting what will help you on the spot....Good luck and hang in there...

[husker-nurse, LPN, LVN]

I want to thank all who expressed their concerns. I had my thyroid checked a couple of years ago, that wasn't the problem. Sadly, I am finding through PM's that I am not the only one with this problem. If I should find that magical cure, will pass it on!

[leslie :-D]

husker,

when is the last time you had a complete physical? much can change in 2 years, especially if you're in midlife and the related hormonal changes. we females are such complicated machinery....please, if you haven't, get yourself a full set of labs. wishing you peace.

leslie

[GR8FUL]

Husker -

I was told over a period of three years that my thyroid levels were within normal range. Finally, after going to a new internist, he ran an antibody test and it was through the roof - I have Hashimoto's! It took a while to get the right levels of thyroid, and it does seem that I have times of the year when I need more or less. I also needed a low dose of antidepressants during that transitional period.

Even if it's not thyroid, getting some help with the depression so you can motivate enough to make some good changes in your life might be really useful. With the need for nurses in this country, there is bound to be something that is a better fit for you.

Good luck - I'm rooting for you.

[SoulShine75]

Maybe you're just stuck in a rut right now. I don't know any more about you than what you posted and I am not a psychologist, but everyday life can get a person down at times. The same ol, same ol. I feel that way some times and I realize it's usually because there isn't really anything exciting going on or nothing to look forward to at the time. Make sense? People have their husbands, kids friends, but what are you doing for YOU to make yourself happy?Do you have any hobbies or things you're truly pasionate about? I am crazy about photography and reading about it and taking pictures really gets my creative energies flowing and takes my mind of the hum drum of life sometimes. Do you have anyhthing special like that to look to for inspiration? Maybe start up something new to change life up a bit. It could be reading a new book you've wanted to read or gardening or buying a new outfit, anything to make you feel special. Sometime life can be a bore but you have to look to the positives. All in all life is good! :) Turn to God for your troubles, or whomever you pray to. Ask for help and know that you're here for a reason. Try meditation, you may not ever practice this but to just take a relaxing bath, light a candle and center yourself and you'll be surprised at what you'll discover. I hope this is of some help. I'm sorry you're feeling down right now. Think good thoughts. Postive energy will only draw more positive things into your life. :)

[Nitengale326]

Husker, You ARE NOT alone!!! I often think I have clinical depression but I would rather be depressed than face the hidden demons in my past and my mind. I went to the healthy vitamin type store and talked with the folks there, and they recommended some supplements and they have helped tremendously. I think finding your niche is a big part of it as well. I am working on a medsurg unit and I like what I do but for the most part... I really don't like the people I work with. I am new in this area and was hoping to find some new friends thru work. Nope, not here, ain't gonna happen. So I am just hanging out, getting my time in so I can start researching other areas.

If you opt to go thru with another psych doc, good luck and i admire you tremendously. My mom and dad messed me up and I don't need to pay some introvert $150/hr to tell me so.

As far as not feeling as smart as the others. I feel that way too everyday. But like you said, my patients love me and my CNA's battle over who is going to work with me. I believe in team work and that is a new concept here.. go figure!!!! As long as you know when to get help, don't sweat it. Do your CEU's every month or so and you will learn volumes!!!

Best of luck to you and don't leave your hubby unless YOU feel you have good reason.

[perksrn]

Just the fact that you are reaching out and expressing something many of us have felt tells me that you are a survivor. You, like me, know when you can't do it (keep it all in) by yourself any more. I agree with some others who say you may just need to make a change in your life. Where does the most stress lie? Nothing is worth peace of mind. Cut back on hours, change floors, or jobs? I have been in the medical field for 4 years now but only recently obtained my RN (on med/renal). I have always felt like everyone around me knew more (even with a decent GPA and complements from others) When I get a complement, I think "boy, I sure fooled you"

Confidence is a struggle, but sometimes we need to really listen to what people say to us. A complement is only wasted on someone unwilling to accept it. I am certain you have touched lives with your compassion.

I have been MAXED out this week, so your post is timely for me. I have just started to take a full load on days and DO NOT feel ready or prepared. I hear IV alarms in my sleep (when I sleep) and constantly worry that I have forgotten something vital.

UGH.

Just know I am thinking of you and hope you find the root of your stress and move toward something more fulfilling.

[husker-nurse, LPN, LVN]

I see that I am not alone; I forgot to mention the lack of sleep, lol! Thank you, all, for you concern, it was not easy to admit this to strangers, but thought that I might get a more honest assessment from you than any other group. Did I say "strangers"? I guess I was wrong with that term..you are a very caring bunch, for the most part, and I applaud you all. By the way, my daughter took her Boards today and it shut off at 75 with no "ruts" (being stuck in meds, priorities, disease process, etc.) I have been at least as nervous as she, and we both pray she passed. She's in Denver and I'm 600 miles east and, by the way, is making me a Nana for the second time in January, Yay! She says if it's a girl, she'll leave it on a mountain-top, lol; yeah, right, I bet she will! Thanks again, everyone, you have taught me much!