Just a Nurse

[1jacque]

When I come home at night from a 12-15 hour day, or come home by day from a long enduring night my mind is spent. Emotionally, physically, I've given my all to patients who have no clue; their happiness comes before mine.

I find myself thinking, why do I do this? How many years will my body and mind maintain all it takes in. Why did I become a Nurse? But the work doesnt end. I do everything at home because my family knows, i got some days off, leave it for mom. My husband thinks his job is so physical, he should rest on his days off, after all I'm just a Nurse right?

There are no words to explain what i do and if i'm exhausted it would somehow have to be justifiable like when i had the flu and ran a fever for three days. I just dont think loved ones can comprehend leaning over as a hospice patient takes their last breath, doing cpr on a patient that isnt coming back who was only hanging on cause their family wanted them to live, pleading with an addict to want to live, caring for those who have given up on life all while i see a picture of how they were once fully functional human beings.

And then I'm home again. My alcoholic father is going downhill. Its been a slow deterioration.

It inspires me more because if i can help make a difference or care for someone in that much pain it's worth it. I'm not giving up, I'm reaching out so much that I wonder at the end of the day who I am. And i just keep diving in deeper because i lose the best of me to see the best in others... I accept less in my exhaustion, I settle and cherish the smallest of victories. Sometimes caring deeply feels like a fault. I remember... Thats why i became a Nurse.

Along the way it seems forgotten; I'm more than just a Nurse.

~just a thought~

[BecomingNursey]

That is beautiful. Being a nurse is the hardest thing I've ever done, but I love it. It's a huge part of who I am. I give everything to my patients. Emotionally, physically, spiritually.

I'm with you on the coming home and being tired in every way. Only fellow nurses understand and that's a big reason why I'm so thankful I found the AN community. I'd probably go insane without having all of you to "talk" to.

[midazoslam]

Hugs.

It sounds like that you really need one or many of them.

Feel free to vent away, about anything. Your husband sounds like a bit of an ungrateful toss I say so myself.

I'd let all the things he expects you to do pile up just to antagonise him and prove a point... Then again I am petty like that haha.

You sound like an amazingly empathetic nurse and strong. Please look after yourself though.

[Murse9185]

It sounds like you need to vent for sure. I've always thought it's funny how people think nursing is easy and not demanding at all. I'm a nurse(male) and I've worked some jobs that were mentally and physically demanding. I never realized until lately how being a nurse is truly special. Yes anybody can become a nurse but not everybody is built to be a nurse if that makes sense. It sounds like you know exactly what is to be a nurse. Hopefully the SO as well as the family start to help you out a bit more. I know without my SO support and understanding of my job, day to day tasks would be much more difficult.

[nurse.ethel.RN]

Take a break - mental and physical. I'm in the exact same boat. We spend all day 45+ hours a week giving our all, hand and foot, to people who may or may not appreciate it - or live to appreciate it. It takes 110% of our physical and emotional energy to do what we do. Me giving my all, serving people all day long, then going home to a very demanding (but lovable two year old) and even more demanding (less lovable) husband has put a strain on my marriage I cannot describe. So much to the point were on the verge of a divorce. So, I feel ya on this one. Some people will never understand it.

[RNperdiem, RN]

Sometimes for our own survival as nurses, parents, spouses etc, we need to get tough and realize that we have needs too. There is only so far you can give and give. Without replenishing your needs, a person with multiple demands burns out quickly.

I get the feeling from your post that you give a lot of yourself at work, but there is no rest at home either.

It is an interesting paradox that if sometimes you say no, the people who took you for granted sit up in shock and look at you in a new way. Suddenly you become a woman in your own right, more than a person existing to care only for others.

[1jacque]

Nailed it, thats exactly the breakthrough I was having when I wrote this. It was hard to write because I am so not a pity seeking kind of person and it felt a bit... Poor me... But in writing my thoughts i was able to come to that realization, more balance is in order.