1jacque

Nailed it, thats exactly the breakthrough I was having when I wrote this. It was hard to write because I am so not a pity seeking kind of person and it felt a bit... Poor me... But in writing my thoughts i was able to come to that realization, more balance is in order.

When I come home at night from a 12-15 hour day, or come home by day from a long enduring night my mind is spent. Emotionally, physically, I've given my all to patients who have no clue; their happiness comes before mine. I find myself thinking, why do I do this? How many years will my body and mind maintain all it takes in. Why did I become a Nurse? But the work doesnt end. I do everything at home because my family knows, i got some days off, leave it for mom. My husband thinks his job is so physical, he should rest on his days off, after all I'm just a Nurse right? There are no words to explain what i do and if i'm exhausted it would somehow have to be justifiable like when i had the flu and ran a fever for three days. I just dont think loved ones can comprehend leaning over as a hospice patient takes their last breath, doing cpr on a patient that isnt coming back who was only hanging on cause their family wanted them to live, pleading with an addict to want to live, caring for those who have given up on life all while i see a picture of how they were once fully functional human beings. And then I'm home again. My alcoholic father is going downhill. Its been a slow deterioration. It inspires me more because if i can help make a difference or care for someone in that much pain it's worth it. I'm not giving up, I'm reaching out so much that I wonder at the end of the day who I am. And i just keep diving in deeper because i lose the best of me to see the best in others... I accept less in my exhaustion, I settle and cherish the smallest of victories. Sometimes caring deeply feels like a fault. I remember... Thats why i became a Nurse. Along the way it seems forgotten; I'm more than just a Nurse. ~just a thought~

Taking the genders comfort level into consideration is admirable. Knowing your capabilities/comfort level is good too. But in all honesty, there are male nurses who may have the compassion and capability to make a female even more comfortable than some female nurses. It is the Nurse you are not the gender that matters. Just my opinion.

Ok, so no go on the SANE RN position BUT my previous employer hired me back :) Grateful to be back to work!! I do miss my patients there, looking forward to getting back into those scrubs and back to some normalcy.

**Update2** Wow, I have landed an interview for the position I was created for. I just gotta own this. It's SANE RN/Domestic Violence, Trauma Nursing (forensics!!). This is super exciting and I am going over and over again how I am going to explain this reprimand in a way that sheds light to who I am. Like... This was a mistake that has closed doors, leading me to the door I was meant to open... Cause that's what I'm feeling. My prayers are always that God works through me doing and being what God needs me to be. I'm feeling very hopeful. Interview tomorrow am, will update once I know.

Getting your foot in the door in a hospital setting doesn't guarantee a position there as a nurse upon graduation but would almost guarantee it. If another hospital hires you I would recommend staying. It is very physical and different type of responsibility but also gives you the opportunity to network with the nurses (if they get a free moment or are mentor friendly and willing to give some pointers). Nothing wrong with the alternative job you've mentioned until graduation, but, I still stand by getting the foot in the door as an assistant at a hospital. Hospital jobs can be very hard to come by as a new grad if you don't already work in that system. Good luck in your studies!!

I would be glad to have the help. But I also understand your frustration. You must have attentive characteristics and high quality of care standards. I have learned that it is irrational, the expectations for another coworker to uphold the standards I do, and for the most part.. unless harm is being done, realize this person can be talked to over and over again without the capability to see outside their perception. It does not excuse, but try to remember the stress of being in school while on the job. She is likely getting little to no sleep, hence, her aggravation and reluctance to jump in and help out and no sleep= not likely her usual self. I have worked some long shifts, split shifts, on call and as much as I'd like to say I never got a little flustered or cranky, I can't. I know some can operate under the circumstances without the same behaviors, but everyone is unique. The complaining to patients thing though... needs to stop. If that is happening on a regular basis/excessively, I would be having a talk with her like... Hey "jane" I know school is rough, I've been there but I overheard you talking to "room 4" and its honestly not very good bedside manor. Patients have enough on their plate, we are here to give them relief and its just not appropriate. Tell her to get on allnurses and ask for help or vent, be direct that it is important she find an outlet for the stress shes obviously experiencing, but let her know theres a time and a place and work isnt that time or place... Unless shes in the breakroom, I've encountered many breakroom meltdowns.

Ok, with an excellent reference and evaluation, 2 people wanting to hire me at their facillity... Corporate ultimately turned me down. Told them sorry, we've been burned before by people with prior disciplinary action/reprimands... The hiring Manager, when asked what I could do differently next time, said nothing. She said she actually asked them to reconsider and really wanted to hire me. It was the reprimand alone holding me back. I don't even know what to do anymore. All this makes me realize that Nursing is all I know and ever really had a passion for. The thought of changing careers has me feeling sick to my stomach. So I am not perfect... Apparently Nurses are expected to be. Apparently nobody has ever cut corners, oh wait! They just didn't get caught. It is DISHONEST of a corporation, in my opinion, to judge and deny me when they live in a glass house. Ahhhhh... Just venting. I'm totally at a loss right now and having a very hard time resurrecting my positive outlook.

It was quite some time/this happened sep 2013 got final consent agreement/ruling on Nov2014.

The interview went great, the ADON and Manager told me they would hire me on the spot but have to clarify with corporate... Expecting a phone call within 24-48, fingers crossed. If not, maybe its time to consider more schooling and change routes. I know I have been interviewing in fields of interest like home care and behavioral in which I lack experience but acute care/rehabilitation and LTC, I have the experience and the references. If I they wont hire me... I gotta make some big changes.

**update** I have another interview, just applied yesterday, quick call back. This may be promising. Its PRN at LTC/REHAB care facility only 10 minutes away!! If I get this I can chose my hours while focusing on other possibilities. Fingers crossed, again

That is a good point. Just gotta get everyone on the same page. Going back to school or investing time elsewhere is a big possibility. You know prior to leaving the last job, what really made me try to find a new company was how I was treated. A friend of 22 years passed away. I called off for two days and was treated like I had no right. Its like hello, nurses are human beings too... sometimes... This profession has its challenges. I have began to question, is it worth it anymore? Thats what scares me.

Yeah, they have no idea about the reprimand. They love me being here 24/7, I am going nuts not working though! They are the most amazing responsible kids. They have been great while I go into my "office" and off to interview. The last job was 12's which were more like 15's... It was good cause I had three days off and only a 15 minute drive. But a 2 hour drive... I sacrificed enough working in USPHS to know what I am and am not willing to sacrifice these days. An hour drive I would tolerate.

Yeah, I was working with United States Public Health Service in PA prior to moving back to OH. My husband and I were separated. I was back in OH working things out but living separately from the husband when my position was eliminated. So, spot on there was some insecurity going on at that time. Us Nurses are the best observers

That has been the hardest of decisions, my willingness to accept the long distance assignments. I suppose I should be grateful for any offer but having a pre-teen girl and three teenage boys makes it hard to consider uprooting. Plus my husband has an excellent job near the area and I don't think he'd be in it with me... I look at going back to school as more $$ out of our pockets, I just feel stuck and defeated which is unlike me. I'm embarrassed of my stupidity. I was actually googling "places that will hire RN with reprimand". IDK just pointlessly venting now, but thank you. Your words are encouraging I know I need to get a plan and get on it fast.