I wanted to explain what happened to me...

[LoriAlabamaRN]

Hey everyone...

I want to thank everyone for the prayers. I'm sorry I haven't been able to explain why I needed them and what I meant by saying I was in trouble, but I have recovered enough mentally to explain my last eight days of pure hell...

I work 11p-7a as the supervisor of a nursing home. Last Sunday night I worked. Monday morning after work I went to visit my grandmother in Georgia, not intending to be gone all day. She has been diagnosed with a brain tumor and has decided to refuse any treatment- she wants to let it take her course and rejoin my grandfather who died three years ago. This is devastating to me because I am very close with her. I ended up being with her all day and getting home around 9pm. I had to be at work at 11, so I decided not to sleep since it would make me more groggy to get less than an hour of sleep than it would if I just stayed up. Despite my best efforts, I fell asleep around 9:30 and when my alarm went off at 10 I was in bad shape- disoriented and nauseous. I decided to take an ephedrine tablet and set the alarm ahead 20 minutes so that when it went off the ephedrine would be in my system. I hardly ever take it but when I do I take an Atenolol with it because it makes my BP go up and my heart race. The Atenolol was prescribed to me a year ago, but since losing almost 100 pounds my BP has been normal and I haven't had to take it regularly. Anyhow, when the alarm went off again I was still really nauseous and tired but I got ready and went to work. I felt weird- sort of detached and sluggish but I figured it was because of lack of sleep. I'd gone without sleep before so I thought I'd be fine.

At about 3am, however, my DON showed up. I was surprised to see her, but she told me she just had paperwork to do. It seemed like she was observing me though, and soon the truth came out- someone had called her at home, woken her up and stated that I seemed impaired. After watching me, she declared probable cause and accused me of being on drugs. I was shocked and scared and denied it- I have prescription narcotics for my back ( i broke it 7 years ago and am trying to avoid surgery for as long and possible) but I never take them within 12 hours of work- never. I was made to feel like a criminal. I was brought to the local hospital and had to pee in a cup, crying all the while. I knew I felt odd and detached but all I could think was that maybe someone slipped me something. After the UA, she refused to believe me, took my keys from me and I was sent home in disgrace.

Three days later I found the bottle of Atenolol in a totally different location than i thought. Apparently I took an Ambien instead.

Once I figured this out, I tried to explain it to her, but since the drug test had already been sent out I still couldn't work until the results came in. It took eight days instead of three because of the positive for opiates resulting in a differentiating test. The only thing that showed up (of course) is one of my prescription narcotics (Lortab). The lady from the drug testing center called me this morning and I had to bring over my prescription bottle to confirm it. Then I had to get a letter from my doc stating that I had been his patient for four years and was still on the same strength meds and had been very responsible with my pain meds. I expect a call in the morning to go in for a meeting with my DON when she gets the report.

Here's the kicker- everyone at work apaprently thinks I was caught stealing drugs, high at work, or drunk on the job. The worst part is that I think I am going to be fired anyway, regardless of the negative drug screen for anything except what was prescribed to me.

I love my job, and i love being a nurse. I've worked at my job for over a year, with exemplary performance evaluations and reviews. I don't understand why I am being treated this way. I'm still scared about possibly losing my job, but at least I know that I will not lose my nursing license. Before I realized about the Ambien, I honestly was scared that someone had slipped me something and then called my DON so I would be tested. As a supervisor you always end up with certain enemies, people you have had to write up because of legitimate concerns who hold it against you. I was terrified because I did feel odd and if someone had slipped me something and I tested positive, I would have lost my license.

I really don't want to lose my job, I love it so much. I hate that my coworkers all are assuming the worst of me. I didn't intentionally do anything wrong. I've lost seven pounds since this happened and have not been sleeping. I've cried constantly. I'm a wreck.

I'm sorry this is so long... I just wanted to thank everyone for the support as well as warn you of what could happen... please keep me in your prayers and I will let you know if I am fired tomorrow or not...

I love you guys...

Lori

[scarta105]

I hope this question doesn't upset anyone...not ment to, anyway, but how can a person confuse an ambien with a bp pill? Ambien is a tiny, thin, oblong tablet that doesn't look like any other pill I've ever seen. The shape alone should have a been clue.

I take many pills each day: hormones, 2 different bp meds, antidepressant, and on occasion will take an ambien for sleep. I've also passed hundreds of drugs during the course of my employment as a nurse, and I've learned to recognize many just by their shape, color, and markings, although I always double and triple check what I am giving. I'm so use to utilizing the 5-rights of medicaiton administration, that I find myself doing the same with my husband and children.

Lori, you can't continue to beat yourself up over this. The most important thing is that, although this could have been a recipe for disaster, you did no harm to your patients, and that you have learned a very valuable lesson that you can now pass on to other nurses. "If something like this can happen to me, it can certainly happen to anyone. So be careful, utilize the '5-rights' of medication administration even when taking your own medication."

As far as another job, I've always believed that honesty is the best policy. I don't know that I would just tell anyone everything, but if asked "why were you terminated from your previous job?" Maybe it would be in your interest to tell them what happened, how it happened, and what you have learned to keep it from happening again.

I have discovered during the 52 years that I have been on this earth, that most people are basically good. That they have an innate need to want to reach out to others, and that we feel good when we feel that we are able to help/teach someone who has/knows less than we do. Admit that we are human, that we have made mistakes, that we have learned from our mistakes and have a greater understanding of what we can do in the future to avoid doing the same mistake again, and that we need their help to move on from our mistake to become a better nurse and a better person.

Pray about it. "God, grant me the serentiy to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

You can't do a thing to change what has already happened, so ask God for the peace to accept it. Ask Him to give you the courage to go on with your life and the strength to face those who may have humiliated you, and finally ask Him for the wisdom to make those choices that He wants for your life. I DO BELIEVE that God has a place for you in the nursing profession. It just wasn't at the last place you worked. Accept this as His will and ask him to lead you to where HE wants you to be. Just remember, once you place these burdens into God's hands, let Him worry about them and don't try to take them back by worrying about them yourself. That's like telling God that you don't trust that he can handle it.

I will pray that you find what God wants for your life and not what you want for yourself, and that God gives you a peace that surpasses all understanding.

[Elisheva]

I would tell the truth to a potential employer. Chances are they will find out anyway. And if they do, the fact that you were not forthcoming about the incident suggests that you had reason to hid it.

If it were an accident, I would say exactly what happened. Will it make it harder for you to find another job if you do? Probably. For me, I'd rather find a job in another profession entirely than to lie or evade the issue. I'd always be waiting for the other shoe to drop anyway.

But that's just me.

[texas_lvn]

. I trust you have reevaluated your behaviors that lead you to take stimulants in order to make it through a shift and on top of that have to take a med to mediate the side effects. .

How many nurses are addicted to their caffinated sodas and coffee, ect. I can not believe this statement wsa made. Careless of how it happened, I am sure Lori will be more careful in the future. We should be supporting her and not judging her right now.

Lori, I am sorry about your job loss. I understand feeling like you need to be at that place for your residents. Hon, there is nothing you can do now. They are grateful for what you did and I promise will remember your love forever. I realize that most people think nurses are co-dependant people. I know I am, and to an extent there is nothing wrong with that. But hon, you did your job, you made a daily difference in your residents lifes, now it is time to make a daily difference in someone else's life. (((((LORI))))))

In HIm, Texas

[texas_lvn]

I owe Lori a debt of gratitude. I am returning to nursing soon after a 10 year absence. There was a time when I would have done exactly what Lori did - I would have felt responsible to go to work no matter what. I have a huge sense of responsibility to my work. However, Lori's situation has shown me that we have an even larger obligation: to say no when we aren't feeling well or up to the task. I will risk getting fired for calling in as opposed to going through the hell Lori has been through. I would rather tell a future employer that I was fired for calling in sick that having to say that I was fired for being impaired.

Thank you for sharing, Lori. I know this has been painful and difficult for you and I wish you all the best. At least I hope you can take comfort in knowing that you may have helped a lot of other nurses.

:yeahthat: :yeahthat: :yeahthat:

[texas_lvn]

By the way, Lori, when you have the friend call, you can also have your friend use 3 way calling so that you can hear EXACTLY what they say about you. You can even record it. (Radio Shack has recording devices that attach to phones.) I would record it so if they say more than what is legally allowed, you can sue if you wish, or at the very least, call back and play it for them and scare the living daylights out of them by threatening a lawsuit if they dont give you a written letter of recomendation and adequate severence pay!!! Just a thought!!

'

Just a note, there is a FEDERAL law against recording people without their acknowledgement, punishable by FEDERAL PRISON time. So, be careful!! But, there is nothing against having a friend call and ask and you listening on the other line. Good luck.

[texas_lvn]

[quote name=rach_nc_03

I would leave out the part about the ambien. ([/quote]

I agree with this. You yourself are not 100% sure you took the Ambien. Could be hubby moved the meds and did not tell you, making you think otherwise. I am always placing things in stupid places. I lost my cell phone once, knowning I had it on the charger. Turns out it was on top of the dryer. So, just because you do not remember, does not mean it did not happen. You were tired, you were upset about the family, and I am sure you were anxious about having to go back to work.

We support you. Texas.

[Mulan]

[quote name=amygooch

If you have a 401K, borrow from it if you need to pay bills the next few months. I know you plan to be employed soon, but do the paperwork now, just in case! (And no, I dont think you will be unemployed for long, but we dont want to take any chances, do we?!!)

Then, if there are any food pantries in your area, go and get groceries. They dont mind helping you either! That is what these places are for!! USe the resources that you have! IF you feel embarrassed, go to one out of town where no one knows you, but do go!! If you feel guilty, then just promise yourself that you will pay back whatever you use when you start workiing again, plus a little more. And do it!

Also, dont forget to hint to friends with gardens about how much you LOVE home grown veggies, and would kill for any of their extras. I guarentee you they will load you down with whatever they have. I am a Southerner like you, and I grow a garden, and I can assure you that ALL Southerners who grow gardens are like this!! We are happy to share with friends!

For more cash now, raise the deducables on your home owners and auto insurance. (You can always lower them again after you are employed again!) Then ask your ins agent, to refund you the differance in the overpayment for the last few months you have paid, if you paid 3-6m at a time)

If you have a car pmt, call the bank, and explain dire necessity to them and ask to be able to pay interest only for the next month or two. (If you have good credit, most will happily oblige you for 1 month at least, and possibly 2).

Cancel the cable or satellite if you dont have a contract with them. I know this one is HARD to do, but times are hard and this is money you need!! To compensate for the missing channels, go to the public library and rent movies there. You can rent 10 at a time at most. So can your husband and kids! (If they arent with you, you can do it for them if you take their library cards!) So with a family of 4, that means you can rent 40 movies a week!! That ought to give you plenty to watch!! But, if there are still certain shows you HAVE to see, then ask a friend to tape it for you! If there is a movie you want to see that your library doesnt have, it can borrow it from another library. All for free!!

Ready for your next assignment yet?? Go to the area beauty shops and ask if you can have the magazines they plan to throw away when the new months arrive. Most will give them gladly, as they are pretty heavy in the trash. Then, enjoy reading them yourself while you lick your wounds. When you are reading to join the world again, take these mags to a care facility you hope to work in, and give them to the residents to enjoy. There are several reasons to do this: 1) It will give you free reading material. 2) It will give the residents free reading material. 3) You will be very noticable carrying a HUGE stack of mags into a nursing home, giving them away. Someone from the staff is sure to talk to you, which will get you talking about how you love old people and miss them, since you used to see them all the time where you used to work, etc. Then they will tell you how short staffed they are and how you should apply there.... blah, blah, blah!!! Then you have someone there who is SURE to tell someone how nice you are and how you brought the residents all those mags, etc!!! :) Doubt this will work? I got a job this very way!! :)

Round up all the clothes that you have that are nice, but no longer fit, and take them to a consignment shop. This will bring in some more extra money while money is tight!

For prescription meds you take regularly (like anti-depressants, birth control pills or whatever applies to you), ask your Dr for free samples. This one should be obvious to most of us here, but sometimes the obvious gets overlooked!

If an unexpected expense comes up that you have to have, such as a plumber for a clogged pipe or a car repair, try to seek out an independant business instead of a chain. This way you can negotiate the price instead of paying list. Also, you may be able to barter services by doing a trade out. For example, you might see if they have an elderly parent that you could sit with for X number of hours following surgery or hospitlization. Most people would kill to have an experianced nurse watch over a family member in a time of need. If he cant use your services in your chosen field, perhaps he would be willing to fix your car in exchange for your cleaning his house? OR, Maybe you could set up a website for him in exchanbe for the repair? The point is to think outside the box and be creative! Dont forget you have many skills!!

You are fortunate that this is one of the cheapest months of the year for the electric bill, since most people dont run the A/C or the heat in Sept or the Oct. :) However, on those cool nights, use the electric blanket instead of turning on the heat. It will save several dollars on your bill!!

The biggest electricity waster is the hot water heater. Put a timer on it for 30 min before the 1st person gets up, and for it to quit heating at whatever time the last person goes to bed. No need to pay for it to heat all night when no one will be using it!! This will save 30% on the cost of running it, which will translate to a huge chunk on your bill!!

Also, make use of the crock pot instead of the stove. Why? 1) It costs about 2% of what a stove does to operate. 2) It is quick and easy...you can put in meats frozen, and have them cooked by dinner! 3) They make great Soups/Stews. These are some of the least expensive meals, and also some of the healthiest. 4) You can put it on in the am, go job hunting, and come home to a hot dinner, which will make you less likely to order a pizza just b/c you are tired! :)

To save more on the electric bill, line dry clothes instead of tossing in the dryer. Dont have a clothes line? Layer shower curtain rods over your tub. For example, mine has the outside rod, (which holds the decorative shower curtain.) Then, behind that, is the rod that holds the shower curtain liner. Then, behind THAT, there is another rod. This one is used to hang towels that have been used to dry off after showers. (Each family member has a different color so, they dont get confused, and the towels get washed once a week.) This saves on water, detergent, wear and tear on the towels (incl. shrinking) and the irritation of seeing towels everywhere, not to mention the labor of the laundry!! But best of all, it is all hidden behind the shower curtain!! I also use this rod to drip dry undies, stockings, lingerie, etc. But, then I have ANOTHER rod behind that one. (This makes 4 rods, for anyone who is still following this!) The last rod is used to hang clothes to dry when it is too cold or rainy to use the clothesline, and also for things that cant be dried in the dryer (such as comforters that are too big!). By the way, in case you are wondering, those mini "hair claw" things are what I use as "clothes pins" for the shower rods.

We have 3 bathrooms, and I have this same set up in 2 of them. It is quite handy!! (The other bath has a garden, whirlpool tub, so I couldnt do it in there:( )

I have TONS more, but I dont want to overload you (or anyone else here.) If you want to hear any more, let me know, and I will post them or pm them to you. I just want to help. I really do.

I am not saying that all of these tips are for you. Or that any of this advice is for you. I just hope that some of it helps somehow. I have told you all of this b/c I know what it is like to be worried about money, and as upset as you are about being fired, I am sure the money is a hugs stresser. That is why I wanted to focus on telling you the tips that got me thru.

I am sure many of you think I am crazy to go to some of these frugal extremes, but I actually honest to goodness dont mind them now! I thought I would DIE when I had to cancel the satellite, but you know what? We actually have become closer as a family and as a couple, since we dont have it! We still have the library videos when we want to zone out, but once I got employed again, I didnt miss this enough to add it back! (Which was HUGE for me!!!) It is funny, but I actually ENJOY trying to save money now!

I hope some of my tips have helped you. (As you can see, I am worried about you.! :icon_hug: I wish I lived nearby so I could come over with chocolate, Margarita mix, a massusse, and good comedy to cheer you up!) But, unfortunately my cyber hugs will have to do! But please pm me anytime if I can help!

Lots of hugs,

Amy Gooch[/quote]

Feel free to post the rest of your tips! These are all very interesting!

[texas_lvn]

Feel free to post the rest of your tips! These are all very interesting!

Wow Amy, that is very interesting! I am interested in all you have to offer. Maybe we should start a post for "want-to-be money savers!"

[rehab nurse]

Lori,

do you have a copy of your drug screen?

cause if it comes up at your next employer, I would have it with me.

You know, you were exhausted that night. Maybe there are some nurses out there who would call in because they are excessively tired, etc, but around this area, you'd be fired in a heartbeat if you didn't have a doctor's note for whatever you called in for. You went to work, since you didn't have proper time to notify your employer before calling in. You went to work, then started feeling ill/funny/whatever. Yes, maybe you should have asked to go home, but I know what answer you'd get at my employer. "no". So, if it comes up, just say that you went to work one night after being awake with a relative who is gravely ill, that after you went to work, you started feeling "not good", and when your boss came in, she called you in the office. You can say "they thought i was impaired, but no one asked me what happened, they just brought me to the hospital for a drug test, which came back CLEAN".

You can say that honestly, and especially if I had a copy of it, I would say they'd be more than welcome to see the negative report.

Let us know how the interview goes Monday. I hope you're relaxing, and that you find some peace.

Keep in touch, my friend.

[tryingtomakeit, RN]

Just wanted to tell you that I am rooting for you and praying for you. I know how dark this all must seem to you right now, but as a woman who has been through enough to drive the average person insane, I can tell you that time heals.

Tammy

[RebeccaJeanRN]

...i work 11p-7a as the supervisor of a nursing home. last sunday night i worked. monday morning after work i went to visit my grandmother in georgia, not intending to be gone all day. she has been diagnosed with a brain tumor and has decided to refuse any treatment- she wants to let it take her course and rejoin my grandfather who died three years ago. this is devastating to me because i am very close with her. i ended up being with her all day and getting home around 9pm. i had to be at work at 11, so i decided not to sleep since it would make me more groggy to get less than an hour of sleep than it would if i just stayed up. despite my best efforts, i fell asleep around 9:30 and when my alarm went off at 10 i was in bad shape- disoriented and nauseous. i decided to take an ephedrine tablet and set the alarm ahead 20 minutes so that when it went off the ephedrine would be in my system. i hardly ever take it but when i do i take an atenolol with it because it makes my bp go up and my heart race. the atenolol was prescribed to me a year ago, but since losing almost 100 pounds my bp has been normal and i haven't had to take it regularly. anyhow, when the alarm went off again i was still really nauseous and tired but i got ready and went to work. i felt weird- sort of detached and sluggish but i figured it was because of lack of sleep. i'd gone without sleep before so i thought i'd be fine.

at about 3am, however, my don showed up. i was surprised to see her, but she told me she just had paperwork to do. it seemed like she was observing me though, and soon the truth came out- someone had called her at home, woken her up and stated that i seemed impaired. after watching me, she declared probable cause and accused me of being on drugs. i was shocked and scared and denied it- i have prescription narcotics for my back ( i broke it 7 years ago and am trying to avoid surgery for as long and possible) but i never take them within 12 hours of work- never. i was made to feel like a criminal. three days later i found the bottle of atenolol in a totally different location than i thought. apparently i took an ambien instead...once i figured this out, i tried to explain it to her, but since the drug test had already been sent out i still couldn't work until the results came in. it took eight days instead of three because of the positive for opiates resulting in a differentiating test. the only thing that showed up (of course) is one of my prescription narcotics (lortab). the lady from the drug testing center called me this morning and i had to bring over my prescription bottle to confirm it...

lori- my heart goes out to you, it really does. you have a boatload of pressures (financial, your grandmother, your back problem, and now morale too!)- but i'm thinking that maybe there is an unacknowledged drug problem here too. i hope you will be open minded to this, should i be correct...according to your post, the reason the don was called to observe you is because you were acting impaired and acknowledge feeling impaired. in addition, you acknowledge taking an ephedrine to wake up, using ambien and taking that in error along with it, and having a routine prescription for lortab. not only that, you say that the drug test was positive, and everyone here responded to your taking ambien and telling hr that, but nobody seemed to notice that your drug test was positive for lortab- and yet you said that you never take it within 12 hours of your shift. well your drug test was at 3 am. if you didn't take it within 12 hours of your shift, and the test wasn't done till 3 in the morning on top of that, then the half life would have put your level at too low to be picked up on a urine screen. can't help being suspicious that you really do have some drug issues that you are in denial about. you were behaving on the job in such a way that the don was called to observe you- that alone means that you really were putting your patients at risk that night, even if it was an isolated event. and yet your greatest regret seems to be the mixup of your medications and your subsequent conclusion and admission of maybe accidentally taking an ambien before work. anyway, we can all help you here to put a good spin out for a new employer, and to help support you in morale- but part of that support means giving you honest feedback. [and i think that you really must want honest feedback because you are brave enough to share your story here with everyone!] with that intent, i pray that you look into your own heart and explore the possibility that this action was a real blessing because it prevented you from making an error that could have harmed a patient and cost you your license. if you think that losing a job is a big problem (and it is !!), just consider the other possibities, which are far worse!! in that regard you were given a second chance actually. and part of that second chance is the opportunity to honestly consider the possibility of a drug problem and what you should/can do if you think it may be true. i wish you the best and really promise that i'll keep you and your grandmother in my prayers!

[UM Review RN, ASN, RN]

I hope this question doesn't upset anyone...not ment to, anyway, but how can a person confuse an ambien with a bp pill? Ambien is a tiny, thin, oblong tablet that doesn't look like any other pill I've ever seen. The shape alone should have a been clue.

I take many pills each day: hormones, 2 different bp meds, antidepressant, and on occasion will take an ambien for sleep. I've also passed hundreds of drugs during the course of my employment as a nurse, and I've learned to recognize many just by their shape, color, and markings, although I always double and triple check what I am giving. I'm so use to utilizing the 5-rights of medicaiton administration, that I find myself doing the same with my husband and children.

Scarta, this is excellent advice, I agree. But I have to tell you that when I'm sick, exhausted and at home, I've done the same thing Lori did. I've overdosed myself by accident on my BP med because I took it, fell asleep, woke up a few hours later (sick with a temp), forgotten that I took it, and took another one along with my other pills and Tylenol.

Well, my heart rate dropped to the 30's and I felt like I was going to pass out for about 10 hours, and I felt like you-know-what. But it was a B-Blocker and they're kinda known for that, so I never caught on until the next morning when I counted my pills and realized that I must have taken an extra one.

I called off that night because I discovered that I had a temp at some point. It was just by chance that my husband was home that night and when I told him how I felt, he handed me the phone and insisted that I stay home.

So it could've happened to me. I'm totally goofy when I get a temp over 99.

My point:

We simply cannot have our lightswitch in the "On" position all the doggoned time. We're human.

Any job that doesn't get it, isn't worth it.

Lori, you just take it one day at a time and it'll all work out ok. I've read your posts and you're an experienced, thoughtful, excellent nurse with too much to offer to be stuck home for very long.

Take care, and keep us posted, OK? :icon_hug: