I shaved off a patient's mustache. Was I wrong?

Nurses General Nursing

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I was written up yesterday for shaving off a patient's mustache. I don't understand what I did wrong. The man has had a stroke and has trouble feeding himself. He was getting food all over his mustache and face because of weakness in his right hand and arm. I come in to work the last two days and find all kinds of food particles in the hair and it just looked horrible. I couldn't clean the food particles out. I told two different charge nurses about this. I finally got so disgusted with it that I asked the man if it was OK if we shaved the mustache off. He nodded it was OK. Then, his daughter came in and raised the roof about it. I hadn't seen her visiting him the two previous days. She demanded to talk with the supervisor and told her she was going to sue the hospital! She said her father had this mustache for years--years! and was known among his family for his pride about the mustache. She said he would wax it up into elaborate curls. She told me that I should have called her first before doing this because the man's had dementia for some years. Well, no one told me that. I told the daughter that I had gotten her father's permission to shave the mustache off and he was very cooperative about it. I haven't been able to sleep at all tonight I've been so worried about this. I think I'm in big trouble and scared to go back to work today. What should I do? Should I call a lawyer?

I completely got your point, but the first sentence of your post with the "daddy" was really condescending.

Why do you automatically assume the wordy daddy was used in a condecending way. I was raised in the south and have never called by father anything else. I see the poster is in TX so he may not have meant it that way. I found the post to be very funny. Your da**ed if you do, and da**ed if you don"t

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Specializes in Telemetry, OR, ICU.
I"m not.

I don't fault the daughter at all.

I'm being sarcastic towards management's attitude that all complaints must be the nurse's fault.

And I'm being sarcastic towards that attitude that the OP should ask the daughter's approval for things the pt already approved.

Look, I can understand that shaving a mustache can be a 'big deal'. But there are 'big deals' and there are 'BIG DEALS'. This is no big deal.

~faith,

Timothy.

The patient has dementia!

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Specializes in Telemetry, OR, ICU.
The patient approved so I do not see where the daughter could sue.

I get aggravated with the complaints when we do not shave the patient, but then when we do, it is "Oh, the side burns are too short, the goatee is wrong", yada, yada.

Facial hair is to men what hairstyles are to women...very intensely personal and frequently a defining feature to many. Children of an elderly lady might be ticked if she agreed to cut her hair and the nurse did so. Yet, I have had elderly patients ask me to do so, or chemo patients losing their hair ask me to trim it short for comfort.

If a patient has had a specific style for most of their life, the change can be scary to those around them. Many women of my kin do not ever do more than trim their hair lightly during much of their lives. If someone cut a loved ones hair short, someone in the family would probably raise Cain, whether the patient requested or not.

I personally cannot abide kissing men with abundant facial hair, unless it is very soft......I get serious whisker burn. And I have had men that absolutely adored me, but I could not be close to them without developing a rash from their facial hair. Yet, some could not stand the thought of shaving their moustaches off, thus the relationship ended. I know women that will cut/grow/ dye their hair for a man but men that will not shave their moustaches for them.

The patient has dementia! Yet, I seriously doubt any grounds to sue are legitmate here.

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The daughter is upset on the grounds that taking away the man's mustache (with his consent) is taking away his dignity. Ironically, I think more of his dignity would have been lost should his consent for a shave been ignored in lieu of getting his daughter's consent. Even if he has dementia. You allow people with dementia to keep as much of their dignity as possible by allowing them as much decision making and self care as possible.

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Specializes in ER.

There's dementia that keeps people from handling their own finances, and there's dementia that keeps them from picking out their own clothes. I'd be interested to know where the patient was in this spectrum. If he was with it enough to realize his moustache was dirty I'll bet he was with it enough to consent to shaving it.

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I was written up yesterday for shaving off a patient's mustache. I don't understand what I did wrong. The man has had a stroke and has trouble feeding himself. He was getting food all over his mustache and face because of weakness in his right hand and arm. I come in to work the last two days and find all kinds of food particles in the hair and it just looked horrible. I couldn't clean the food particles out. I told two different charge nurses about this. I finally got so disgusted with it that I asked the man if it was OK if we shaved the mustache off. He nodded it was OK. Then, his daughter came in and raised the roof about it. I hadn't seen her visiting him the two previous days. She demanded to talk with the supervisor and told her she was going to sue the hospital! She said her father had this mustache for years--years! and was known among his family for his pride about the mustache. She said he would wax it up into elaborate curls. She told me that I should have called her first before doing this because the man's had dementia for some years. Well, no one told me that. I told the daughter that I had gotten her father's permission to shave the mustache off and he was very cooperative about it. I haven't been able to sleep at all tonight I've been so worried about this. I think I'm in big trouble and scared to go back to work today. What should I do? Should I call a lawyer?

You needed family consent.My dad has a moustache and even being a nurse I would not be happy if I went to the nursing home and they had shaved his moustache.He may say yes but not know what he is actually saying yes to.Could you not have just trimmed it or do you just not really like moustaches? Also there is the patient rights advocate to think about.

I would talk to the social worker and have them smooth this out for me.

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Specializes in home health.

Why is it OK to accept a patient's consent for a choice of OJ or cranberry juice; to accept his decison when he says NO! to the blue shirt or YES to having her hair washed, but NOT OK to accept a consent for shaving a mustache? If the patient had indicated NO, the OP would not have shaved him..

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IMO, the daughter did overreact. Mountains & molehills come to mind her.

I agree with all the opinions about loss of identity. I think the nurse should have just explained her reasons and apologised and managment should have supported her more. This is not an irreverible situation & the moustache will grow back.

But, just a thought about obtaining the patients consent... my dad had a right-sided stroke at the age of 46, seriously affecting his speech. For the rest of his life (he died aged 74) he would frequently say yes when he meant no and vice versa. Or he would ask for a coffee, when he meant tea. He would also call me Audrey (his sister) but I got used to it!

Could this have been the situation here? Although the patient said yes, he actually meant no?

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.
The patient approved so I do not see where the daughter could sue.

I don't see where see could sue either. Any decent judge would laugh her out of the courtroom, saying "um....it'll grow back".

But the patient was demented, so asking his permission might not have been appropriate.

Of course in a nonverbal patient who comes in without a history that was passed on, I'm supportive of the original poster.

I'm empathetic to the daughters shock at seeing her dad without it after him having this trademark for long, but not supportive of her behavior.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.
Why is it OK to accept a patient's consent for a choice of OJ or cranberry juice; to accept his decison when he says NO! to the blue shirt or YES to having her hair washed, but NOT OK to accept a consent for shaving a mustache?

I don't know why, but that's the way it is, and it's frustrating where the line between allowing the person with dementia choice.

Probably the answer lies in the reaction of the daughter.

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Specializes in MS Home Health.

Nebby I think you were acting in the patient's best interest. YUCK who wants rotten food stuck in their facial hair.

renerian

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The only portion that is possibly correct is the next to the last statement. Timothy, I do not know if you have or have ever had a beard and/or mustache but somehow I get the impression that facial hair is not an important part of your life. For some men and their families, facial hair is an important part of the self. Grannynurse:balloons:

That is far out and solid and right on. It obviously seems trivial to some people, but there is more to the picture than meets the eye. You might think of shaving the head of a femal patient who had always taken pride in her hair.

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