I don't know what to do... - page 2
I am an LPN (older) who opted to go to school to obtain a lifelong dream of becoming an RN. Because of my age, I couldn't do the 4 year college, but I did enroll in school to obtain an Associate... Read More
Aug 23, '06I finished my Master's degree at 57 years old! I don't think you are too old, even if u are, as u say nearing retirement. So what! I have a daughter whose spouse was not very supportive, and she gave up. Don't let anyone else write your future for you, you should be the one to do that. I agree with a sit down to clear the air and perhaps a therapist to mediate if you feel it would help.
Good Good luck in your careerl; we need more of us old gals around to keep the torch lit, so to speak.
Morghan, MSN, ARNP
Aug 24, '06What is it with these men in this world? My BF did the same thing when I decided to go back to school. He tried every way he could to discourage me. Even trying to convince me that I couldn't do it. That in itself only made me want it more. If nothing else just to show him I could and would!! I'm stubborn like that....lol
It did finally come out though that he felt threatened, and was scared of loosing me. He felt if I succeeded I wouldn't want to be with him anymore, or would have some Dr. whisk me off my feet. After we talked it through and he realized this wouldn't be the case all was good.
So I have to agree, give him some time and sit down and have a heart to heart talk. Hopefully he sees things your way and you can continue on with your dream. I hope it all works out for you.
Aug 24, '06huggy, many of the posters offer the same great advice and rationale for his actions.
I know my dh had a hard time when i needed to return for my BSN..what i have done is make sure there is time for him in my busy schedule..that is what he was most worried about (took a weekend away and LOTS of talking about our hopes and dreams and plans to get to that)
chances are thats what he is thinking. good luck and please dont giveup!!!
Aug 24, '06Oh man Gator...I had a long term boyfriend that I adored so very very much. He was sweet and funny, and we really wanted to grow with eachother. All was perfect bliss, in fact...it was too perfect! LOL!
Then I chose to go to school, wasn't sure just yet what I was going to major in...but just went in for the tests to see where I placed. I scored math 20 because it had been years and I forgot so much!
He razzed the heck out of me and put me down so much, not just to me either....he made fun of me in front of his friends! I was humiliated!
So I got some refresher books and took the test again and scored higher then his current math level (after two years in enginering!!!! Whipped his arse!).
After that the razzing took a higher level of humiliation! I guess he was intimidated. Pretty soon the relationship went south, and he actually married a striper!!!! And that very striper wound up going to school and he did the same thing and she dumped him. Guess he thought he should get a stiper because they can't be intellegent right? WRONG!
Now he dropped out of school and at the tender age of 37 is still dreaming and working on making a band with his friends and doing NOTHING!
Glad I didn't listen to him, or get depressed or intimidated by his childish actions! He is nowhere, and I am a nurse...married...own land and a home...and have two great kids!
Aug 24, '06OK, I am a single gal and happy to be that way, so I feel a little funny offering my opinion. I have however, been involved with unsupportive men so that's where my viewpoint comes from. Is this a pattern with him...Are you always the one backing down, compromising, keeping the peace? I don't think you should drop out. I agree with the person that said that a person that truly loved you would be your biggest advocate. Also, when you said you were reluctant to "defy" him...He's your husband, not your father so I don't think you should be worried about that.By the way, what do you mean he went "beserk"? Sorry to pry, but does he ever get abusive. My friend had a very controlling ex-husband and that's where a lot of abusive behavior has its roots..Please, reconsider your decision to drop out-nursing needs people who really want to be there, and you sound like you do.
Aug 24, '06I am currently living away from my family, husband included, in order to attend. I have been away from my family now for the last 11 months and it has been hard. My husband and I planned this for a couple of years, knowing in the end that it would mean that he would be able to return to where he grew up and that our lives will be far more enriching. This is a plan that we made together, and if I decided to do something for myself that was change the outcome of the plans we made, he would be terribly upset. Understandably so.
I took a look at HuggyPuglet's comment about being so close to retirement. Could it be that her husband is also, if not already there, close to retirement as well, and they had, together, planned to enjoy themselves together in their retirement?
Let us not make this into a battle of the you-know-whats, for we do not know the whole story. I would expect, that as nurses, or future nurses for that matter, that we should be compassionate towards everyone, no matter who they are, and to make sure that we are obtaining all the information before passing judgement. For without the ASSESSMENT, how do we offer the CURE?
Good luck to you HuggyPuglet. I do hope this works out for the both of you.
Aug 25, '06Good for you - wanting to go back to school and fulfill a goal. It is never too late until its too late.
I am so sorry that you have found yourself in this place.
This is a place that others have been through and made it out of...so don't give up. I think that it is not uncommon for relationships to have periods "unbalance". When one person seeks additional education, new career...it does disrupt the status quo. Couples (and individuals) adapt with changes differently - there is some good advice on the thread, as to determining the specific fears of your husband, maybe a open dialogue will allow this to be worked out - (but, if at a point that is too difficult a professional makes it easier to do - keep the counseling option open.)
When I started EMS and the fire service my then boyfriend (now husband) was less that happy about it. He tried to stay supportive on the surface, but there was always the why(?) do you need to do this .... it was a really difficult concept for him to accept. I had other education/no need for the income, etc. He knew what motivated me, but it didn't make it any easier for him. Plus, I was working with bunches of other guys, etc. I made communication a priority, I tried to talk it out, etc. There was still a "connection" that was missing. Well, it all boiled over one morning, I'd arrived in as he was getting ready to go to work. I'd been out all night on one EMS call that turned into another --- plus, the volunteer fire company had called (via phone) in the middle of the night for additional manpower - well, he told them I was on an ambulance and they could reach me there. He knew some bad things were happening, he knew I was involved with at least some of them - so he spent the night listening to the scanner. I was usually too busy to talk much on the radio, so ....He was sick with worry that I was safe. BOOM! There it was. That was the fear we had been working around for many months - finally said out loud. "I just didn't know that you were okay?" The scanner met the living room wall and I made every reassurance that in as much as he loved me ---he would need to trust in me -- but, this would be my promise. That to the point that I had any control, I would do whatever it took to make it home. We acknowledged that although I worked smart and was fairly skilled, but sometimes things do go wrong and really bad things happen. He said it, we worked through it (and it has never gotten easy). Sure, there were rough spots - but, we came out stronger for them.
Good luck to you, I believe that any mountain can can be conquered! You can climb it with the right equipment, make a path around it or if necessary move it one rock at a time! Any way you do it, the other side is waiting...
Aug 25, '06Most likely, her husband is just going through a phase( I've heard it called "manopause") but I wasn't being judgemental. Some things in her post just triggered some red flags and it is also a part of nursing to be able to identify when patients are in a potentially dangerous situation. Sorry, but a grown woman being afraid to "defy" her husband sets off warning bells. I also stand firm in my belief that a person who truly loves you will support you, not try to tear you down. Healthy relationships consists of BOTH people compromising, not one person pitching a hissy fit to get the other person to do what he/she wants. Just my 2 cents...To the OP, I still think you should pursue your dream. Have a long talk with your hubby and let him know how important this is to you. Your feelings and needs matter too! Best of luck to you.:spin:
Sep 24, '06Wow...I'm sorry your husband disappointed you with his attack on your return to school, and even sorrier that you stopped AND are considering staying out. Sounds like a pattern may have developed in your marriage, where he barks, and then you comply. I can understand your not wanting to rock the boat after such a long marriage, but the fact that he stopped you from returning to school will eat away at your marriage and feelings towards him, as surely as going back ate away at your husband's self-esteem or something...marriage counseling perhaps?