The Humorous Nurse Speaks - page 4

by VivaLasViejas Guide

17,115 Visits | 34 Comments

As a lifelong student of human foibles, I often find myself marveling at the number of undignified situations we blunder into on any given day. I mean, have you ever been so excited to meet a celebrity that you had to glance down... Read More


  1. 5
    another time, on Cape Cod, i'd misunderstood a patient saying he wanted "shorts" (boxer underwear), due to his New England accent, i was thinking he was talking about "shots" (injections).



    He said, he needed some more shorts, and hopes his family comes soon. I think he said "shots" not shorts, see?

    I became concerned, "Your family is bringing you shots?"


    Patient, "Oh, i hope so! I feel terrible and need some more shorts."


    "Well, you should not be taking any medicine whatsoever, from your family, only what we nurses bring in. Why do you feel terrible, what is wrong?"

    "I told you, i need some shorts! I am out of shorts now. My family isn't bringing in pills, they are bringing me shorts. But, now i need more shorts. I don't like these gowns, they make me nervous, but, if i have my shorts, i am fine."

    "What kind of shots has your family been bringing you?"

    "Why does that matter?!"


    AT THIS POINT, my patient decides i am either very dumb, or very nosey.

    on and on,
    till finally, i realize, he is saying shoRts, only without the "R"




    rofl.
    Another time, i had never heard 'gowns' be called "johnny" the way they are called on Cape Cod,
    and when a patient asked for a clean johnny, i thought this must mean "bedpan", like "go to the john" kinda thing.

    i just washed out his bedpan very very well, and came back with his bedpan. Patient was baffled. Another chuckle once we sorted that one out, too.
    Last edit by somenurse on Dec 11, '12
    Orange Tree, Kdrenee, VivaLasViejas, and 2 others like this.
  2. 2
    Quote from VivaLasViejas

    My personal favorite is the story of Margaret, a nursing home resident who had a habit of "going" only once a week on average, with predictably large results when she finally did produce. She also had a sharp mind and a very, very dry wit. One night after she had her milk of mag, she gave birth to an eight-pounder in the shape of an exclamation point. I couldn't help asking Margaret to tell me how she'd done that. "Big deal," she sniffed. "I was actually going for a bow, but didn't make it."
    Years ago I worked as a psychiatric aide in a state hospital in a midwestern state. We had a patient who was the male equivalent of Margaret. This guy also went about once a week, and his feces was legendary. One day he "gave birth" to a "child" that was approximately the size, shape and color of a football. We put it on a towel and put it on a scale, and it weighed out to just over seven pounds.
  3. 1
    Yes, definitely there are humorous times in nursing! I've got lots of stories about cute things that my Peds kids have done or things that my dementia pts have said that anyone can appreciate.

    However, my favorite story (as I've unfortunately learned) is only humorous to those of us "in" healthcare!

    In the PICU we had a 7 y/o male with accidental GSW to the head. He was vented, sedated, and had a crani and an ICP monitor. He was actually making stellar progress and the entire team was thrilled with how he was progressing. However, we had gotten a new batch of residents that week. During rounds, the senior res and the Intensivist were pointing out how far this little guy had come, and were joyfully describing all of the complications they had managed to avoid so far. One resident though, was not convinced. She kept nervously looking at the monitor screen, then finally brought up her concern: "I don't think this kid's ok. His ICP waveform is really flat! It's practically non- existent."
    Without saying a word, the Intensivist leaned forward, gently pushed a few times on the forehead over the crani, and nodded his head toward the monitor.
    Beautiful waveforms. The resident just looked at him in astonishment. Without saying a word, the Intensivist grinned at us all and left. Had the entire staff ROLLING and the resident just standing there trying to decide if it was funny or not!
    VivaLasViejas likes this.
  4. 0
    [QUOTE=Kunzieo;7069467]Yes, definitely there are humorous times in nursing! I've got lots of stories about cute things that my Peds kids have done or things that my dementia pts have said that anyone can appreciate.

    However, my favorite story (as I've unfortunately learned) is only humorous to those of us "in" healthcare!

    In the PICU we had a 7 y/o male with accidental GSW to the head. He was vented, sedated, and had a crani and an ICP monitor. He was actually making stellar progress and the entire team was thrilled with how he was progressing. However, we had gotten a new batch of residents that week. During rounds, the senior res and the Intensivist were pointing out how far this little guy had come, and were joyfully describing all of the complications they had managed to avoid so far. One resident though, was not convinced. She kept nervously looking at the monitor screen, then finally brought up her concern: "I don't think this kid's ok. His ICP waveform is really flat! It's practically non- existent."
    Without saying a word, the Intensivist leaned forward, gently pushed a few times on the forehead over the crani, and nodded his head toward the monitor.
    Beautiful waveforms. The resident just looked at him in astonishment. Without saying a word, the Intensivist grinned at us all and left. Had the entire staff ROLLING and the resident just standing there trying to decide if it was funny or not![/QUOTE

    I wish I had some idea what that means lol I'm a poor old cardiac nurse who has never had any training in neuro...want to explain it?
  5. 1
    Quote from Orca
    Years ago I worked as a psychiatric aide in a state hospital in a midwestern state. We had a patient who was the male equivalent of Margaret. This guy also went about once a week, and his feces was legendary. One day he "gave birth" to a "child" that was approximately the size, shape and color of a football. We put it on a towel and put it on a scale, and it weighed out to just over seven pounds.
    That's sad, there should be some kind of Hall of Fame or Award to give Patients

    Even Buffalo Wild Wings has this for eating their Hottest Wings!!
    VivaLasViejas likes this.


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