How would you have handled this???? - page 5

I had something happen to me today that has never happened to me in my 21 years of nursing and I pray that even though I was very angry inside that I handled it right. Please note right up front... Read More

  1. by   SKM-NURSIEPOOH
    ...for you've obivously & quite wisely made the right decision on not reacting to this lady...& i use the term very loosely.

    i, too, fear that your patient's daughter had some personal issues going on here.

    • first, i too believe that she had guilty feelings going on here.
    • second, she may feel overwhelmed in caring for both...it's hard enough to care for one elderly person.
    • third, maybe the daughter has no bedside experience what-so-ever & is "out of her element".
    • maybe she's not used to being a caretaker or she's just self-centered as evidenced by the lack of immediately asking for water for the pet dog...i'd bet she had something to drink though.
    • perhaps she was jealous of you because of her parents open esteem & affection towards you...maybe she never got a pat on the back from them regarding her nursing abilities as they probably never seen her in action...or maybe she's daddy's only "little girl" or should i say..."brat".
    • lastly, maybe she's not even a bsn nurse, diploma nurse, or aas/adn nurse at all...but a nurse impersonator...lol!


    as you can see, it's difficult for me to try to understand this woman without me getting unprofessional about it...grrr - for this i must appologize!:imbar
    Last edit by SKM-NURSIEPOOH on Apr 3, '02
  2. by   RNPD
    Duckie, you handled yourself far better than I would have, like a true lady and a real professional. As Gary said, breeding tells. First of all I would have gotten angry and when I get angry I cry. I hate it because it is difficult to remain professional when you have tears swimming in your eyes and really can't see who you are talking to! So then it is hard to be articulate, as you were. You were able to make your point, stand up for yourself and your profession, and make your "Buddy" feel comfortable about you, and uncomfortable about his own daughter's actions-all with dignity.

    I agree with so many of the other posters who said this daughter has other issues-guilt appears to be the biggest. But as others have also said, some people just need to tear others down in order to build themselves up. A fragile ego, insecurity in her role, and guilt all probably played a part in this woman's unkind words. And even though I dislike generalizations, I have run across a few (very few) BSNs who think this way (sorry Susy K, I am NOT generalizing here!). But in all cases, it was the personality of the nurse and not the degree that caused this attitude, They were also the ones that didn't remain long at the bedside, as they felt it was 'beneath them'. I don't care if someone finds that the bedside doesn't work for them, but for God's sake, don't cut down others for whom it does work. Most of us remain at the bedside because we LIKE it there-not because we don't have the means (either intellectual, academic, or financial) to do something else. And as a doggie person myself, I am so happy that this little guy was there to help you & the daughter reach a place where you can begin to respect each other as poeple who have different roles, but common goals-the excellence of care of those 2 beloved residents.

    PS: Thank you SKM-NURSIEPOOH. This thread was heartwarming and did me a lot of good. It was wonderful to see how all types of nurses, and even non-nurses came to this LPN's defense with encouraging and kind words. THAT is how our profession should always be-caring and supportive of each other as well as our patients!
  3. by   Huganurse
    Quote from SKM-NURSIEPOOH on another thread about this thread,
    "I noticed many replies lending support to Duckie except for some usual key people absent posts replies...which is a loud & clear message in of it self!"
    Now I am really confused! What message? I read Duckies post, saw that others supported her and posted early in the thread supportive messages. They said the same things I thought. When this happens I don't usually post because it has already been said. Since when does not posting something to a thread send a message????? I am considering leaving this BB if that is the message that people get when I don't post! I don't have time to keep up with every post and respond to them all. I am ready to leave due to the assumptions that I see all over this BB. It's gotten a little too deep for my waiders.

    But, now that I am here I'll go ahead and post this message
    to Duckie: You go nurse!!! You can be my nurse anytime! You are obviously an outstanding nurse with excellent communication skills, creativity, intelligence, patence, understanding,...I could go on but lets just say you probably have ALL the ingredients that make a great nurse! You handled the situation like the pro that you are and I only hope that I too would handle similar situations like you did and rise above the nastiness that was thrown you way!
  4. by   RNFROG3
    MAYBE WE SHOULD CHANGE THE SAYING TO DOGS ARE A NURSES BEST FRIEND
  5. by   LasVegasRN
    Greetings to all from the Entertainment Capitol of the WORLD! Woo! Woo!
    Everything I know and everything I owe is to the CNA's, LPN's, LVN's, technicians, housekeepers, security guards, and anyone else I've ever had contact with in the health field. Each and every one of us, no matter which area, has contributed something to the nurse and his/her evolution into becoming one. Think about it.

    Much Love!
  6. by   SKM-NURSIEPOOH
    originally posted by huganurse
    quote from skm-nursiepooh on another thread about this thread,
    "i noticed many replies lending support to duckie except for some usual key people absent posts replies...which is a loud & clear message in of it self!"
    now i am really confused! what message? i read duckies post, saw that others supported her and posted early in the thread supportive messages. they said the same things i thought. when this happens i don't usually post because it has already been said. since when does not posting something to a thread send a message????? i am considering leaving this bb if that is the message that people get when i don't post! i don't have time to keep up with every post and respond to them all. i am ready to leave due to the assumptions that i see all over this bb. it's gotten a little too deep for my waiders.

    but, now that i am here i'll go ahead and post this message
    to duckie: you go nurse!!! you can be my nurse anytime! you are obviously an outstanding nurse with excellent communication skills, creativity, intelligence, patence, understanding,...i could go on but lets just say you probably have all the ingredients that make a great nurse! you handled the situation like the pro that you are and i only hope that i too would handle similar situations like you did and rise above the nastiness that was thrown you way!
    ...my point on another thread, "proper entry level for nursing....post #105", was that duckie so eloquently expressed her experience as another example of how some people think & or act about lpns. i only cited her thread there as further proof that there are plenty of people whom are against this type of unprofessional behavior...all having various range of speicality. that other thread was becoming a tit-for-tat bashing between certain individuals & was getting out of hand. i just wanted the thread to become civil so that the topic problem could be discussed in a professional manner so that some suggestions could be made towards a solution.:zzzzz

    in no way did i intend to bash, disrespect, or insult any supportive posters here. if i left that impression...let me be the first to say...i'm truely sorry!!!:kiss sometimes when i get on my "soap box", i tend to get carried away.

    again, i would like to thank duckie for sharing & venting her experience...i hope she & her buddy's daughter relationship develop into a real friendship. good luck duckie!

    love - moe:kiss
  7. by   CindyCCRN
    Duckie, Hi!
    I too am so sorry that you were talked too and treated so unfairly by "the BSN Daughter alias Nut"... I certainly think you must be a sort of saint for not retaliating... I'm not so sure I would have done half as well...
    Obviously, "Daughter/BSN/Nut" was desperate to feel bigger or better in front of Mommy and Daddy... Looks to me like she has alot of issues with Mom and Dad being in a LTC - probably feels really inadequate as a nurse and daughter... and guilty that she's not the one taking care of them - after all I'm sure they took care of her a long time... It's really hard to accept the fact that your parents are aging and can't care for theirselves, anymore...
    Good chance too that innocently Mom or Dad raved about you and told her what a good kind, caring, nurse you are and how much they like you - which would most definitely only further fuel her insecure fire...
    I think you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and what she said to you was intended more to make her feel/look better with her parents... Sounds like for some reason she's in so much pain that she's not even considering anyone's feelings but her own - again no excuse for her totally inappropriate behavior and abuse to you...
    Again, I think you're right and most probably Mom, Dad, or both let her know that her treatment of you was not acceptable...
    so, if she has any kind of a conscience or heart, maybe she'll actually take responsibility and apologize to you ...
    I am sure that when she comes to her senses, she will feel even worse than you... maybe she'll apologize to you...
    ...anyway, just pity her and let it go...
  8. by   mc40421
    Everytime I see or hear something like this happening I get so angry I want to scream! I'm so sorry you had to go through that but the way you handled yourself was perfect. The daughter apparently has some self-esteem issues to deal with and likes to put herself on a pedestal. When I started out working on a busy med-surg unit as a GN/RN, I was so fortunate to work with a good mixture of RNs, LPNs, CNAs, and orderlies. I hadn't had very good clinical rotations while in school so I even had trouble with some of the basic skills and my nerves made things worse. I learned so much from all of the LPNs, CNAs, and orderlies that I can honestly credit them with getting me through a very tough first year. Many times I went home after my shift and cried myself to sleep. I think that with all of the labels put on people and all of the "letters" that follow some of their names, that we sometimes forget that we have to look past all of that and find out what that person is capable of doing before making such judgements. I've worked with many nurses that had a higher degree than me but in the end the only thing that will impress me is how well they do their job and treat their patients.
  9. by   SKM-NURSIEPOOH
    Originally posted by RNPD

    PS: Thank you SKM-NURSIEPOOH. This thread was heartwarming and did me a lot of good. It was wonderful to see how all types of nurses, and even non-nurses came to this LPN's defense with encouraging and kind words. THAT is how our profession should always be-caring and supportive of each other as well as our patients!
    I want to thank you too RNPD for reading this thread & understanding what I was trying to say on another.:kiss
    Last edit by SKM-NURSIEPOOH on Apr 3, '02
  10. by   LibertyRN
    Outstanding!! As an ADN RN I am ashamed that this RN represents us and has this type of attitude. Sometimes people, no matter what profession or level, have a very stong need to build themselves up at the expense of others. You are to be commended and honored for the way you dealt with the situation. My RN hat off to you.
  11. by   YukonSean
    Regardless of which nursing programme one attends (LPN, RN, diploma, degree, etc.), he or she acquires nursing abilities specific to the course requisites. While these skills are largely technical, there is also an attempt to impart objectivity and professionalism through studies dealing with ethics, world religions, or whatever. Sadly, no matter how liberal the elective- or professionally-related parts of the curriculum are, there is no way that I can think of, to force one to learn courtesy or decorum. We (i.e., the public, consumers) often criticise physicians for lacking "bedside manner" (read, "personality"), and yet this is not peculiar to medical doctors. Perhaps your friend graduated with a baccalaureate, and then went on to pass her NCLEX exams. Unfortunately, civility is not included in board tests! Well done, in managing this woman and her displacement.
  12. by   rebel charm
    I'm just wondering- if this RN thinks her parents aren't being taken care of by "qualified" nurses, why doesn't she take them home and take care of them herself????
  13. by   rnoflabor2000
    I'm an ADN RN, no better and no worse than any other "Nurse". I am appalled that you had to have gone thru that. Whether LPN, ADN, or BSN; your qualities as a nurse depend not on a degree but how you care. And caring is our forte. Level of expertise is gaining thru experience. I'm surprised that nurses cannot gain higher degrees with level of experience. Such as an LPN working for over 5 years should be granted an ADN (for an example). Or an ADN working for over 5 years should be granted a BSN. I mean they hand out PhD's for such a thing. So fear not, many nurses feel for you. And that one or two "bad" apple place to much status on degrees. It is an embarrassment to us all.

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