Help for parents that experiece neonatal death?

[GiantHeart21]

I was wonding what is done in yuor hospital for parents who lose their babies. Like support groups, pictures, hand and foot prints ect. And do you let the parents hold and bond with baby before and after death?? What has been yuor experience in this situation?? Also at what gestational age would you typically say that a baby can be saved ( I realize all cases are different) But just in general.. I would love to hear the practice of yuor hospital in this situations and your personal stories!!

I am dating a guy who's ex wife had a baby at home in her bathroom at 20 weeks (not sure if measured from LMP).. Anyways baby was delivered and mom and baby were at hospital within 15 mins by EMS (kaiser hospital)... Cord was cut at hospital and baby was breathing... Baby was 3.5 lbls and skin was not transparent... Hospital staff did nothing but cutt the cord and tell parents that baby would not make it.... parents were in a panic and did not know what to believe or what to do they were in shocka nd delerium....No effort was made to care for or save baby and no reason was discussed with parents!!! Baby died a little over 3 hours later in dad's arms she was never even put on a monitor!!!! I was wondering what your thoughts are on this as I am not an experienced nurse nor an OB nurse.... in addition to this story mom had a 3 year old healthy son at the time ( 4 yrs ago ) but was diagnosed with incompetent cervix.... Mom was never treated for this in any way and was not on bed rest at all!!!

Looking forward to your advice.. Thanks in advance!!

[Jolie, BSN]

GiantHeart21,

I am sorry for the grief your boyfriend has experienced over this sad situation. It sounds like a complex set of issues having to do with far more than the loss of an infant.

The information you are getting is second hand, and clearly not accurate. I am not trying to imply that he is deliberately mis-informing you. I doubt that it the case. But he is grieving, emotional, and probably not in posession of accurate information himself.

20 weekers do not weigh 3-1/2 lbs. It is not possible. They are not born with normal-appearing skin. That isn't possible either. The baby was either not a 20 weeker, or not of the appearance described to you. There may have been an error in the dating of the pregnancy, or the mother may have been deliberately misleading him on the length of gestation, but there is simply no way that a 3-1/2 lb. baby with non-transparent skin was 20 weeks in gestation.

The circumstances surrounding the delivery are also questionable. It is possible that a severely premature infant would live for a number of hours after delivery, and that the hospital staff would decline to attempt extra-ordinary measures to save such a baby. But it is not within reason to believe that an otherwise healthy 3-1/2 lb. infant delivered at home and transferred to the hospital with the cord intact would be denied treatment and "allowed to die". That would only occur in the event of obvious, fatal anomolies.

The two descriptions given (gestation vs size and appearance) simply do not jive.

It sounds like your boyfriend has some serious issues that remain unresolved regarding his former wife and the loss of his baby. Bless you for trying to help him with this. Please suggest that he seek counseling.

[TazziRN, RN]

Something else: if EMS picked up a mom with a baby that premature, it would be a code three transport with respiratory support, etc. even if the baby were breathing on its own. I guarantee the medics would have been scared to death of something that small and would have hauled hiney.

[prmenrs, RN]

I agree that your description doesn't seem logical.

This is something HE must deal with, WITH THE HELP OF A QUALIFIED THERAPIST.

You can be supportive, but insist that he gets professional help. He needs to resolve this, you can't fix it for him.

He can get more factual info from the MDs that treated the child and, possibly, the social worker(s) attached to the unit where the child was cared for. That might help give him more factual information, but he still needs counseling.

Encourage him to get help. Don't hypothesize what happened to the baby, just continue to tell him to go to counseling. Perhaps you can research available grief counseling in your area to give him the resources he needs.

[SmilingBluEyes]

Some resources for grieving families/ loved ones enduring perinatal/neonatal loss:

http://www.thelaboroflove.com/forum/loss/lateterm.html

http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/572_4150.asphttp:

http://www.shareatlanta.org/

[SmilingBluEyes]

There should also be grief counseling just for occasions like this in your area. Check with your local hospital/labor and delivery unit to be linked with a support group and meetings nearby.

[Trs024]

I am so amazed with this story. I plan to apply (again) for a nursing program soon but its so hard. My heart and passion is in babies and my biggest desire is to work in the neonatal. I just cant seem to get there. I hope to hear more about how this works out.

[GiantHeart21]

Thank you to everyone for the responses!! I was thinking that mom was very likely to have been more than 20 weeks along for the reasons that were mentioned. EMS did haul hiney but they were not called till after baby was fully delivered hance the 15 mins, baby was not intibated but it was lights and sirens code 3. And his family feels the sam as nursecriss about him having another child and that helping. I too agree but we are not at that point.