Graduating soon, did nursing kill my relationship?

Nurses General Nursing

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Hi guys.

First of all, I have to say how proud I am of being where I am. I am on my last semester of my BSN and regarding my carrer, I am as happy as anyone about to graduate can be. My background before all started: I have a previous degree in culinary arts but was never truly satisfied. I decided to pursue what me at 10 dreamed, be a nurse. I met my boyfriend when I was 26, by then I was already enrolled in classes to get my prerequisites. I got pregnant that same year but managed to work full time and take 4 classes each semester and summer. I never stopped working towards my nursing carrer, but took a break during the first year of my baby's life. I got into pre-nursing and then nursing on the first try, balancing motherhood, house chores and work, always trying to give enough time for my boyfriend. Now, at the end of this journey, my relationship is so strained that I feel we won't make it to pinning ceremony. Was it me, him, school, stress? Have you guys been through something like this? If so, what happens after?

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I would say being in your 20's is a difficult time for most people to weather in a relationship since you both are yet still developing as people. Add a child prior to setting your life foundation compounds the complexity of the issue.

When it comes down to it you and your boyfriend determine if you will stay together, not outside influence. Some couples grow closer with stess, some father apart. I am of the opinion that until you have weathered true unbearable stress together you never really know if you are a good match for your partner.

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Specializes in CMSRN, hospice.

This is an impossible question for anyone other than the two of you to answer. Here ate the questions I would ponder to figure this out: What are the specific issues that have stained you two? For example, child care, time together (or lack thereof), finances, communication, life values and goals, etc. Are those problems fixable, and if so, how? Do you WANT to fix them together?

Nursing school and having your first child together ate both wonderful things and huge stressors. They can put pressure on the strongest of your relationships. You both need to examine whether these circumstances have made things more difficult than they are at baseline, or if you are ill-suited to handle similar challenges together in the future.

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If this is the person you are truly suppose to spend your life with NOTHING can separate you, but if it is not then it will not last, if it wasn't school it would be the job, a weight change, the way you clean house, your hair turning grey. My point is it will not be school or nursing that ends the relationship it's just an excuse he will use.

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

This is impossible to say. Another factor that is a death knell for many relationship is also having a young baby or child, whether there is a nurse in the family or not. You didn't mention that one. It could be any, some or all of those factors. It could also be you just grew into different people. The truth is, not all relationships are meant to stay permanently. We all hope for that...about half of us get it.

I hope things simmer down for you. Sorry you are hurting.

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Specializes in Maternal - Child Health.

I won't attempt to answer your question, because like the posters before me, I simply can't.

Congratulations on your accomplishments, and my heartfelt best wishes that you and your boyfriend are able to work together to overcome the challenges in your relationship.

Not to be negative, but to be realistic: This is only the beginning. When you graduate, there will be a new set of challenges: NCLEX, job search, adapting to the full-time workplace, changes in childcare needs, financial and housing decisions, etc. Please anticipate these, and work to find healthy ways to address them, possibly via counseling.

My very best to you.

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Don't blame Nursing for the demise of your relationship. Blame yourself for not prioritizing your relationship where it should have been during nursing school.

If you feel it's worth it, I would take the time to make your relationship number one and fix it now. Sit down and have those hard conversations and see if it's salvageable.

Many people have gone to nursing school and came out with relationships intact. In my cohort, many got married, had babies, juggled single motherhood. It's all about organizing your time.

FYI, nursing school is no where near as stressful as the first year on the job. I'm several years in now, and my first year was stressful and difficult. It was a hard adjustment. I often thought, I wish I was back in school.

But I never put my husband on the back burner. Nor my kids. Not in nursing school, not on the job. It's a balance.

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: What are the specific issues that have stained you two? For example, child care, time together (or lack thereof), finances, communication, life values and goals, etc. Are those problems fixable, and if so, how? Do you WANT to fix them together?

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My frustration lies in him being unwilling to help out at home. His frustration is that I rushed into nursing school too soon. He would have rather have me working for 5 years, save money and then, when our soon was older, start school again. Now, I managed to get a scholarship that paid for books, a small percentage of tuition but most importantly: full day care costs. My loans after graduation will be of 6,000, which I figure is not too much. I managed to get into an intership with job placement after passing the NCLEX. I worked during prenursing, 5th semester and quit mid 6th semester to pay in full. I quit to spend more time with my son and him. Are these problems fixable to me? Yes. To him? Apparently rushing to finishing nursing school is something he cannot let go.

Thank you for your response

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Did he voice his concerns before you started? How did you talk through it?

Maybe it's not rushing to nursing school per se, but that he feels you guys didn't make that decision together. It's a big decision, honestly.

Sounds like you two could benefit from counseling?

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His words were: if you want to be a nurse, you will be a nurse.

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His words were: if you want to be a nurse, you will be a nurse.

That's not really a give/take conversation. I know you're not going to post every single detail of your conversations here, but from the little posted, it still sounds like you both may need some assistance communicating your needs and negotiating decisions. If he's up for it, I would still look into counseling. Best of luck.

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I agree with getting some counseling. It sounds like he thought you were going to nursing school whether or not he thought it was a good idea. And it wasn't that he wasn't going to support you, he just wanted you to wait a bit.

Take it from a married twice person, communication is the key to marriage. Making decisions together. My first marriage, we had terrible communication and it got in the way. I'm now married to my best friend, and neither one of us makes major decisions without the other. Heck, we discuss andagree upon dinner every night.

I learned many, many lessons from my first marriage.

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