Got offered my dream job today...

SummerGarden, BSN, MSN, RN · Apr 8, 2011

actually your post leaves a lot to the imagination and is not summed up very well, but it is ok. it is not necessary for you to tell us all of your problems.

to tackle this decision list the pros and cons of taking the job offer. if the pros outweigh the cons then take it. also, if your father is a major issue that stands in the way of you feeling that you can take the job, maybe there are alternatives to his care? again, i do not know your situation, but if you have immediate family that needs you to take this job, then you may need to find other care providers for your dad. i know that these choices are not easy... i have a sick grandmother who needs 24 hour care, but i also have immediate family that i need to care for as well. so i am working with other family members to care for my grandmother because i cannot do it alone. gl! :twocents:

Midwest4me · Apr 8, 2011

Congrats! I've been working at a psych hospital for 5 years. Interesting, challenging work. HOWEVER, be prepared to be verbally assaulted on a daily basis(mostly by pts but also by staff) with occasional physical assaults. Hope your hospital has a training program in which you're taught physical moves to deal with the physical assaults. Most times when assaults occur, the staff are to blame and then investigations ensue which can take months to resolve. Is there a union you will belong to? Join it! Best of luck to you. It can be a rewarding job.

classicdame, MSN, EdD · Apr 8, 2011

Why did you apply there if you did not want the job? Your post sounds like you do not want to work there

SweettartRN · Apr 8, 2011

Why did you apply there if you did not want the job? Your post sounds like you do not want to work there

Quite the contrary actually. I have wanted to work there since I became a nurse.

I just don't want to start and then have family issue start popping up, having to miss work, and looking badly. I want this to be IT for the long haul, and I want to end up as an NP at this facility.

SweettartRN · Apr 8, 2011

actually your post leaves a lot to the imagination and is not summed up very well, but it is ok. it is not necessary for you to tell us all of your problems.
to tackle this decision list the pros and cons of taking the job offer. if the pros outweigh the cons then take it. also, if your father is a major issue that stands in the way of you feeling that you can take the job, maybe there are alternatives to his care? again, i do not know your situation, but if you have immediate family that needs you to take this job, then you may need to find other care providers for your dad. i know that these choices are not easy... i have a sick grandmother who needs 24 hour care, but i also have immediate family that i need to care for as well. so i am working with other family members to care for my grandmother because i cannot do it alone. gl!

he doesn't need 24 hour care, but he currently is in chf and has a lot of medical issues that need to be monitored. he is an illiterate, so i am his poa and have to sign all of his paperwork and attend some of his medical appointments with him. i just don't want to take on the responsibility of landing my dream job and then look like the world's worst employee having to leave to go fetch pop.

i have a twin sister but she is currently 6 months pregnant with twins and has a 14 month old at home, so she is about useless. pop is not married either, so me and my husband are all he has.

i really want this though! man, do i want this!!

NPinWCH · Apr 8, 2011

He doesn't need 24 hour care, but he currently is in CHF and has a lot of medical issues that need to be monitored. He is an illiterate, so I am his POA and have to sign all of his paperwork and attend some of his medical appointments with him. I just don't want to take on the responsibility of landing my dream job and then look like the world's worst employee having to leave to go fetch Pop.
I have a twin sister but she is currently 6 months pregnant with twins and has a 14 month old at home, so she is about useless. Pop is not married either, so me and my husband are all he has.
I really want this though! Man, do I want this!!

I understand that you feel like you need to do it all, but keep in mind pregnancy, even with twins, and having a small child at home DOES NOT completely mean your sister is out of the question. Sure, it wouldn't be easy, but she can take your father to his appointments on occasion as well. Also, you should be able to schedules some of your dad's appointments so they at a better time for you, schedule them around your job, or take half days if possible.

My mother was caring for her father and sharing the responsibilities with her brother. My uncle was not good in the doctor's office with remembering what was said. My suggestion was to use a digital recorder to record what the doctor said and if my mother had questions she needed the doc to answer, she would make a list and send it with my uncle. My mother would listen to the appointment, hear my uncle ask the questions and hear the doc's answer. IF she needed more info, she simply called the office later to clarify. It worked out well.

So, if you're worried about you not being able to ask the doc things or even if your sister can't be in the exam room with your dad, he could take a small recorder, explain the situation to the doc and record the visit. You could also send a list of questions with your father if need be and have the doc address them in the visit.

You shouldn't put your life aside, especially if it's your dream. Let your sister help, or ask her if she can on occasion if she hasn't volunteered, and she may not have since family always thinks things like this should be "the nurses job". Remember too, that there will always be something to get in the way of something else. Right now, your father is not requiring 24 hr care, but what if in another couple of years he is? How long can you put off living your life?

I know he's your father and I understand your thought process, but a job that you want is important...there is more than 1 solution.

SweettartRN · Apr 8, 2011

I understand that you feel like you need to do it all, but keep in mind pregnancy, even with twins, and having a small child at home DOES NOT completely mean your sister is out of the question. Sure, it wouldn't be easy, but she can take your father to his appointments on occasion as well. Also, you should be able to schedules some of your dad's appointments so they at a better time for you, schedule them around your job, or take half days if possible.
My mother was caring for her father and sharing the responsibilities with her brother. My uncle was not good in the doctor's office with remembering what was said. My suggestion was to use a digital recorder to record what the doctor said and if my mother had questions she needed the doc to answer, she would make a list and send it with my uncle. My mother would listen to the appointment, hear my uncle ask the questions and hear the doc's answer. IF she needed more info, she simply called the office later to clarify. It worked out well.
So, if you're worried about you not being able to ask the doc things or even if your sister can't be in the exam room with your dad, he could take a small recorder, explain the situation to the doc and record the visit. You could also send a list of questions with your father if need be and have the doc address them in the visit.
You shouldn't put your life aside, especially if it's your dream. Let your sister help, or ask her if she can on occasion if she hasn't volunteered, and she may not have since family always thinks things like this should be "the nurses job". Remember too, that there will always be something to get in the way of something else. Right now, your father is not requiring 24 hr care, but what if in another couple of years he is? How long can you put off living your life?
I know he's your father and I understand your thought process, but a job that you want is important...there is more than 1 solution.

Thank you for this, I needed to hear it. :)

And the sister thing- she's pretty useless even without children, so I just don't count on her for anything.

I am taking Pop's health care one day at a time right now- every moment is another moment I have him, so I try to keep that in mind. We'll cross the other bridges when we get there.

But you did bring up something. There is no reason that we couldn't put some POA stuff in my husband's name and let him help out from time to time. :)

RehabRN1 · Apr 8, 2011

Possibility #1 - ask if they will hire you part-time with benefits.

Possibility #2 - ask if they will give you a regular schedule, work weekends and ask that other family members help your dad on the weekend.

Possibility #3 - work nights only

Or...combine all three of these for a schedule that works for you. Hospitals are usually more than happy to take someone who is willing to work the off hours.

Remember, if the demands get to great you can claim family leave for an ailing parent, which is federally protected - they cannot fire you for taking time off for your Dad - get this through human resources once you've been hired. You may not get paid if you have no sick/vaca time saved up for it, but you will have a job to return to. Also, family leave does not have to be contiguous, from what I've experienced you can take one day of leave per week and work the other two.

Hope this helps.

BrookeeLou_RN · Apr 8, 2011

Been there down that.. everyone REFUSED to help.. so I gave up good job to do it all.. Never regretted it but then 1 month later got another job and then Mother was terminal. Again asked sister for help.. " Got the go to he!!" . Gave up new job.. had barely gotten started. Now both are dead and wonderful sister is suing as 1/3 of liquid asset is not enough she wants house my mom gave to me.. And she own horse farm worth well over a million with Firestones as neighbors and she still has her good engineering job! She tells others I am totally irresponsible about working!! Now recession so no job offers yet.

So I totally get it. My kids were grown so I did not have to worry about that.

I can not even suggest what you should do.. it is so personal. Do agree even pregnant sister can help if she will?? And don't be a hero let her do it if she will? Can you hire help? My parents would only allow family to help. which meant only me. I know I could have insisted but I am old fashioned enough to believe I should be there if I could so I was.

I feel your pain. may prayers be with you and you be able to work this out. Bless you.

classicdame, MSN, EdD · Apr 8, 2011

You sound like soo0000000 many nurses who feel it is their responsiblity to care for everyone. If you were out of the picture your family would come up with a plan. I recommend you take your job, assume all will work out and, if issues arise, tell family members you have limits just like they do. Everybody pitch in. Don't forget home health providers & nurses. Good luck!

oaktown2 · Apr 8, 2011

Thank you for this, I needed to hear it. :)
And the sister thing- she's pretty useless even without children, so I just don't count on her for anything.

Obviously, you need to decide what is best, but maybe not counting on her is part of the problem. If she isn't expected to do anything, what is her motivation to help? Maybe having someone start to expect things will be a change for the better for all.

Not an easy decision, but don't forget about yourself. Good luck!