for the longest time and until recently i felt the same way and just prayed that nobody would see thru my facade of profeciency.
i can remember my first semester in school and thinking i would never be able to be a nurse. most of my classmates had some background in medicine. mostly working as aids in nursing homes.
i didnt. the skills came slower to me.
once in clinicals i began to cry with frustration and my instructor had a long talk with me. she told me i was going to make a great nurse. of course, i disagreed because it seemed like i just wasnt as good as my classmates skill wise.
she said that i had the most important attribute to make a great nurse....critical thinking skills. she said that anyone can learn to bathe, make beds, give meds, ect. but not everyone has the thinking part down. she went on to tell me that out of all her classes my papers were the best. (care plans
, etc. ) and that she was going to use them in other classes for examples. she said skills will come with practice and just to hang in there.
from then on, anything that happened in our clinicals she made sure i was a part of....complicated dsg changes, death, anything i could get a different kind of experience with.
if not for her i probably would have dropped out.
later that year with another instructor i made a med error. that did nothing to boost my confidence.
my very last semester i had the instructor from hell. she used to choose one student every year to pick on. i was the chosen.
at first i didnt believe it but it didnt take long to see it was true.
this particular instructor tried her best to make me fail. she absolutely confirmed my feelings of inadequacy. at one point she told me straight up that she was going to make sure i didnt pass.
at that time i was having some health problems myself and had to be hospitalized twice. the second time, two weeks before graduation, she told me i missed too many clinicals and i would fail. this came to me as i was in the hospital. i was devestated.
my mom reached the head of the nursing program who knew all about this instructor and what she did to the students, but she said there was nothing she could do, and we threatened with an attorney.
the head of the program called a meeting with every instructor i ever had and they voted whether or not i should be allowed to graduate, if i made up my clinicals of course.
every one of my instructors, except her, voted for me to graduate. my best compliment came from the instuctor of ICU.
she was a no ******** kind of person. she said that during my entire stay at ICU i was great. never any problems and i knew exactly what i was doing. she suggested that maybe the problem wasnt with the student but the instructor.
after my second clinical makeup the makeup instructor told me that the one trying to get me told her that i was incompetent.
she said...youre not incompetent at all...wonder why she said that...lol
i told her why.
i graduated with my class and then quit nursing for a few years.
all the things that happened in my last semester reenforced my feelings of inadequacy. i didnt want to do it anymore. i was afraid.
finally i took a refresher course and went back.
im working now and getting more assured with every shift.
i know im not incompetent and i wont let anyone try to make me look that way.
you will get over those feelings with experience. now instead of looking at the other nurses and thinking i am lacking, i look at them as role models who can teach me to sharpen my skills.