Definitely True Medical Stories - I'm not kidding!

  1. A 28-year old male was brought into the ER after an attempted suicide. The man had swallowed several nitroglycerin pills and a bottle of vodka. When asked about the bruises about his head and chest he said that they were from him ramming himself into the wall in an attempt to make the nitroglycerin explode.

    This young woman brought her child into Children's Hospital for a routine check-up. On the records, the nurse saw that the child's first name was Urine (pronounced Urin-ie). Not wanting to be rude, but wanting to know why this woman would name her child this, the nurse asked her how Urine got her name.

    The woman explained, "Well, my baby was born premature and had to stay in the special nursery. She was real sick and they didn't know if she would make it. I couldn't decide what to name her, but the nurses said they would pray for her. One day I came in and the nurses had already named her. There was this paper on her incubator that said 'Please save Urine', so I knew that they had named my baby."

    One of the nursing students from the local community college was supposed to collect a sterile urine specimen from her patient. Imagine the surprise on the staff nurse's faces when they found the student sterilizing the urine in the unit kitchen - by boiling it on the stove!


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    Working as a supervisor in a long-term care facility for a short while I ran across this tale.

    A patient with a trach had become dehydrated as they often do in nursing homes and had IV hydration ordered.

    Well, this brilliant angel of death connected the IV tubing to the trach cuff inflation port instead of her Groshong and couldn't understand why the patient became progressively shorter of breath until she finally died.

    She was terminated on the spot but is still working to my understanding.

    A young female came to the ER with lower abdominal pain. During the exam and questioning the female denied being sexually active. The doctor gave her a pregnancy test anyway and it came back positive. The doctor went back to the young female's room.
    Doctor: "The results of your pregnancy test came back positive. Are you sure you're not sexually active?"
    Patient: "Sexually active? No sir, I just lay there."
    Doctor: "I see. Well, do you know who the father is?"
    Patient: "No. Who?"
    Last edit by betts on Jun 14, '02
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  2. 7 Comments

  3. by   Gomer
    Here's one that happened in my ER a few years ago.

    Young woman comes in with server abd cramps. MD performs a pelvic exam. During exam MD observes a purpleish discharge. Asks the woman about sexual history. Pt. states that she has been using a diaphram and had been instructed to use jelly with it. So she used Welches' Grape Jelly.
  4. by   colleen10
    True story!

    An acquaintance (sp?) of my family is an L&D nurse. She was helping a mother deliver a baby girl. Afterwards she asked the young mother what she would like to name the baby. The mother said "Le-tu-che".

    The nurse asked her how she would spell it.

    The mother said "L-E-T-T-U-C-E"
  5. by   GPatty
    Oh geez!
    And I'm just a beginning nurse.....this stuff really happens?

    Julie
  6. by   Sleepyeyes
    Ohhhhh yeah! I actually had a neighbor of mine tell me her family's secret formula for preventing crib death was

    --GET THIS---

    keep the newborn in a dresser drawer for the first 3 months. :spin:
  7. by   BugRN
    In a Family Plannng clinic, nurse getting frustrated w/ pt.'s lack of understanding the workings of a diaphragm. " Just put it in every night before you go to bed and take it out in the morning" Pt. agreeable to this. A few months later, she's back and pregnant, "What happenned didn't you use the diaphragm every night?" Pt. said she did, but she failed to mention her husband worked the night shift!!! True story!!
  8. by   sunnygirl272
    had a friend doing a family practice rotation to gyn clinic... a woman came in c/o "mah l'il manin da boat...heyitches...." kept repeating this...(she was from wv, rural) finally reached down b/t the stirrups and whipped her labia apart.." my l'il man in da boat..he itches"...dx....yeastie-beasties...

    also was a woman came in w/ foul vag d/c....on exam a matchbox car was found....shown to the woman who states"little johnny leaves his toys everywhere....

    then in my hometown er one of the local nutcases came in and demanded his wife be given a pelvic exam..the family pet (small rodent of some type) was missing and he was convinced it had crawled up inside her...
    :imbar
  9. by   Brownms46
    Originally posted by Sleepyeyes
    Ohhhhh yeah! I actually had a neighbor of mine tell me her family's secret formula for preventing crib death was

    --GET THIS---

    keep the newborn in a dresser drawer for the first 3 months. :spin:
    This used to be and may still be an actual practice in some areas.

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