dealing with critical personalities

[DnCali]

I recently started a new job. I am not a new nurse and have worked in a variety of settings. My preceptor for the past several weeks has been in the same job for many years, and thus is unaware of the variety of skills and disease processes outside of this speciality setting. Since she has been at this setting for so long she has made it clear that there is an "us" vs. "them" thing going on. She has a buddy that is her BFF and they must always be scheduled on the same days, sit together, and take lunches together. Some of that is not important, but when you take a lunch based on your buddy and not when is the best time based on patient care, then that is not good judgement. I sometimes feel so middle school when she does this whole BFF thing. I go to work to take care of the patients and pay my bills, not to make it out like a middle school BFF thing or gossip sessions. The "us" meaning older nurses that have been there many years, versus the new nurses that are young and just starting their careers. On my first week with her she would complain that she does not see how the young nurses are completing their work so fast and appearing to have more down time. For the record, I am in my 40's, and in-between the ages on the unit. I really don't fit into either category. The following weeks she has made comments regarding several staff members. These comments include they are lazy, not thorough, etc. She says all this about them and acts pleasant and cheerful to their face. I have also noticed her personality is one that demands to be the focus of attention and she wants to be the "super" nurse. She is one who wants to out nurse everyone and talk about it...laying claim to how much better she is and why...when in reality others are good too, but many just go about things differently. When I precepted with a few other nurses (including the "young" ones)....I realized that they are focused, do the charting at the bedside, and get a good game plan laid for the day. I picked up many tips from them that assist me in being more efficient with time. They do spend time with the patient but also multi task and complete things real time at the bedside...this is how they complete things quicker. When I attempt to incorporate things I learned from others while with her she seems annoyed and tries to set me up for failure just so she can say...see I told you my way is better. I am starting to get worn down by her constant critical comments and superior aura. I try to ignore her when she engages in conversations about others but can tell she wants me to nod and agree with her. I am just getting quite over the situation. I do not want any hard feelings toward her but need to focus on keeping things professional but it is just so difficult! I will be on my own soon and grateful for that. One other thing that bothers me is her constant talk about patients. Many of the patients are on the floor in excess of 30 days, so there is that bond that develops BUT in my opinion we still need to set boundaries and keep a certain professional distance. She gets too chummy with them and then discusses things with other nurses who have cared for them. Recently, she told me that one patient is famous in a certain sport and she confided in her young adult daughter that he is her patient. I just don't agree. How does one handle this? Should I tell the educator what is happening? How do I continue on when I am nearing my breaking point? Any tips would be gratefully accepted.

Thanks!

[edmia, BSN, RN]

Let it go. You're not going to change her attitude as she seems inflexible. Finish your orientation and then do your own practice as you see fit.

Also, if you're on a self-scheduling unit, put yourself on as many of her off days as possible.

Sent from my iPhone -- blame all errors on spellcheck

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

In my personal experience, people with the most critical personalities often lack the ability to criticize themselves. They almost always judge others more harshly than they'd ever judge themselves. They never engage in introspection and self-reflection.

Hence, this preceptor will never comprehend how she comes across to others, but she'll find plenty of fault with people who aren't in her inner circle of pals.

My advice is to drop this issue because it will serve no purpose other than to rent some of your valuable head space. She is never going to change. Trust me.

[DnCali]

commuter--you nailed that to a T! What you described is her....

[icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN]

Obviously you dislike this woman, which is understandable, but you can not let it show. We all have to work with some not so great personalities. She has shown you that she is cliquey, gossips, and is critical of her coworkers. You can not fix her insecurity and her superior attitude. She is desperate for validation, I think you should compliment her and thank her when appropriate. Do go for a walk at lunchtime in order to get some fresh air, to regroup and to avoid the negativity.

You probably do not realize it but you have been sucked into the growing monster of negativity that exists in some units. That divisive mentality can be the ruination of a workplace. It would serve you well to show your manager that you have the maturity to create a harmonious team. Make it your goal to avoid the negativity.

It is not your responsibility to critique your preceptor.Are you absolutely sure that you heard her break confidentiality? You can not report something that you did not personally hear or witness, or that you can not prove, at this point in your probationary period.

If I were in your situation, I would absolutely focus on the patient care and learn everything that I could from my preceptor about the hospital's systems and processes. Thank her for sharing her expertise. I would have all of the paperwork signed off and then ask to come off of orientation immediately with her approval and written positive performance appraisal. Keep copies for your records.

[DnCali]

Yes she told me that she and her daughter were discussing this sport and the patients name was mentioned and she then said she told her daughter that she cared for this patient. She told this to me directly. I agree with you that she will not change and she is very gossipy and critical of her co-workers. I have been polite and will continue to be so. I am counting down to my days not being with her! I do not want to become prt of an "us" vs. "them" or be part of the gossip chain. I prefer to do my work and go home. Thank you for your response.

[Pangea Reunited, ASN, RN]

Nothing you describe sounds too horrible to me. She may not be ideal in every way, but no one is. Focus on what you can learn from her as opposed to what you don't like about her. If I had a competent orientee, I would go to lunch whenever I felt like it, too.

[DnCali]

It is not horrible and certainly not toxic, but it is however annoying to hear negative comments about several people....I shall continue to stay focused and ignore her. As another suggested, I shall try to not schedule myself when she is there.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

I am wondering why you are so focused on the behavior of your preceptor. Ignore her behavior, get off orientation, and then maintain a professional relationship.

You are wasting precious energy, when you have better places to spend it.

Good luck, let us know how it's going when you are on your own.