Dealing With Aggressive Coworkers

Mistorri · Dec 24, 2004

Seems like there is a coworker like her in every facility. She does sound like she could become dangerous. Then too, maybe she is trying to sound loud and in control to hide her nervousness. She may not be sure of herself and is trying to hide behind that assertive behavior. You say she is in her forty's. I get the feeling that you are younger. She may feel threatened by that. But, she needs to work that issue out herself. She has no business putting her hands on you in any way. That is cause for assault charges. I think you need to talk to her calmly and let her know that you are not trying to be bossy, but that things run a certain way there and it is not permissable to put your hands on others without their permission. She needs to conform to the way the ship is being run, not try to sink it. Let her know in a kind way that you have been there longer and she is a new graduate. If this doesn't work, you need to take her in and talk with a Supervisor and get this straight before it escalates into something that could have been prevented. God bless you. I know it is hard to have to confront others. I have been there. But sometimes it is necessary. By the way, I am in my forties and have met a lot of young nurses with attitudes too! LOL. But, most are sweet and helpful. Now, you go get her! LOL!:)

LucieRN · Dec 24, 2004

Hi
We can all learn something from this forum. There are different ways to handle personalitys and there is a reason behind all behavior. Why not find the reason for it before going in for the attack?

The key to resolving an issue is "communication.By providing the appropriate forum in which the approach presents itself as "problem-solving " and not accusatory is 99% successful.

Good LucK..

qje999 · Dec 24, 2004

I'm new to this forum, as of today. I would like imput on dealing with aggressive personalities.
We have a new per diem nurse where I work. She is also a brand new RN in her forties. She has a very aggressive personality. She hits me on the shoulder when she talks to me, makes announcements as to who will get the next admit, is bossy about whom I should give information to, makes patronizing comments to me, and generally is offensive, abrasive and obnoxious.
I'm quite taken aback by her behaviour and realize that I generally have a hard time with agrressive personalities. I dislike confrontation and generally like to put people at ease. I've had to point out some mistakes to this new gal, because she still has a lot to learn, being a new grad, and I try and do it very gently.
Now, I realize that I'm going to have to somehow establish my authority with this woman. I have a feeling that her behaviour will escalate since she is already so cocky. I'm hoping that she doesn't get an FTE. I spoke to one of the nursing supervisors whom I'm friends with, and she said that others have noticed this and this woman has actually been spoken to by our manager about this tendency to be too aggressive and that she isn't too open to the fact that she has a problem.
Should I confront her next time she tries to boss me around? Theoretically we are professionally equals, but in reality she is a newbie and I'm an established nurse. I was thinking of writing her a note, outlining the problem, since my manager suggested that when I had a problem with one of the CNA's and didn't want to talk face to face. It worked well. My other option would be to speak with her whenever the behaviour occurs. What do you guys think?

I would not put anything in writing. talk to her face to face and have a 3rd person there when you do, so it doesn't come back to bite you. I also have very pushy people on my unit, and i try to avoid them when i can. they make for a very uncomfortable day.

fiestynurse · Dec 24, 2004

It is tough to start a new career when you are forty. She may have been in an authoritative role and at the top on her game in her previous life before she decided to become a nurse. Now she has to start all over as the neophyte. She may be having difficulty taking directions from a younger nurse, whom she knows has more experience than she. The aggressiveness may be covering up some deep seated insecurities that she is feeling. Seek first to understand where she is coming from and get to know her a little better. Being a new nurse is hard. One of the local hospitals just created a new grad support group, as part of the new orientation program. It is run by a licensed therapist and has been very successful.

You need to speak to her directly. You are contributing to this situation as much as she is. I like the suggestions that b9rn gave - I need to follow some of that myself. I feel that certain people come in to our lives because we are meant to learn something from them. Hang in there with her!

Mystery5 · Dec 24, 2004

You guys are very helpful, but if you read the whole thread you'll find out exactly what ended up transpiring. I'm older than this woman by about 5 years I think, btw. But all your comments are interesting nevertheless, even though the problem has been dealt with.

Fun2, BSN, RN · Dec 24, 2004

I'd let the person know that you are not comfortable with her aggressive nature, and do not like it when someone touches you.

With that, now that you have spoken to your manager, it has been documented that there is a problem. If "Laura" continues to act in this nature, and reacts in a negative way to your comments, I wouldn't hesitate to go straight to the manager again. Agressive people like that have NO business working with patients. How does she act towards the patients?

(I'm so glad my name is not Laura!) :chuckle

barefootlady, ADN, RN · Dec 25, 2004

Mystery, it sounds like you took the situation well in hand after much thought and consideration and beat this bully to the punch. Yes, I said bully. I have seen this type before and I am sure I will see them again. Sometimes it just takes a gentle reminder to bring the behavior in line, but mostly, a bulldozer will be needed. She may lay low for awhile but rest assured, someone else will be complaining about her soon. Anyway, good luck on the job when you are working with her.

jeepgirl, LPN, NP · Dec 26, 2004

maybe not everyone would agree with me on what i'm about to say, but I think that maybe, just maybe you're making a moutain out of a molehill. well, i should clarify that. at least at first maybe you were. I read this thread a few days ago... but did you ever actually sit down and tell her you had a real problem with her actions before writing her a letter? personally, if someone had a problem with the way i acted and didn't come out and tell me... i probably wouldn't have a clue. i'm kind of dense like that :imbar. if that were me, and all of a sudden i received a letter... i would probably be quite upset.

she probably freaked and didn't know what to do, and then felt quite bad. then she probably tried to make herself feel better by trying to get the spotlight off of her and on to you by making it your problem (fussing to the other people at work with her about it). now, that is wrong. even though leaving her a letter and not talking to her in person probably wasn't the nicest thing to do, she shouldn't have gone and aired the issue out with other people. that's a professionalism issue.

i'm just wondering how things would have turned out if you had tried to approach the issue with her in a non-confrontational and face to face manner. However, congrats to you for having the guts to at least try to confront it. Let us know how it works out.

qje999 · Dec 26, 2004

usually if i have a problem with a co-worker i will take her aside and have a talk with her. sometimes a third person sits in, so she can't say i said something i didn't. I have noticed though alot of nurses are so aggressive and also bossy as heck. They want to be in the limelight, and some think they are right all the time and there not. If the talk doesn't work then i take it to the next step.