blended families

Nurse Hag · Jan 21, 2003

Hi, I am a step mom and "MY KIDS" think the world of me. I was in the delivery room when my grandson was born, "ON THE BUSINESS END" as my daughter stated. Well he had 10 fingers and 10 toes but grandma was not happy with her apsar score and needed one from someone who does not deal with only the elderly. I could read the monitor that we had distress and finally figured out it was just not me :). Not everyones grandchildren are born to the weather channel. My Step kids come to see me every week so I hope this is a good sign when I'm in the home they will come then.

renerian, BSN, RN · Jan 21, 2003

That is good. When I had surgery none of my stepkids asked about me, would help me when I came home, called me or anything. My kids did though.

renerian

zudy · Jan 24, 2003

I WAS in a blended family. I had 2 boys , he had 2 girls. His first wife had died before we met. They made my life a living hell. I walked out of that house with my kids, no money no furniture, rented a duplex and started over. I still see my ex, but there is no way I would ever go back to that living hell.

JedsMom, ASN, RN · Jan 24, 2003

We too, have a blended family. My husband has a daughter (24) and a son (21) from a previous marriage. We have one son (18 still at home) together. It was NOT easy in the beginning. There was resentment on their part and mine too at times. We went through all the usual struggles with the ex-wife, child support and visitation. But now they are grown and can see all that we did for them and continue to do for them. All three of the kids get along great and love each other very much, there has never been any reference to being "half" siblings.

All in all it has been a learning experience that I think has made our relationships stronger. They all congregate at our house on holidays and call almost every weekend to see what we're doing and usually show up to at least eat:)

babynursewannab · Jan 24, 2003

I do. I brought my 6 yo daughter into the marriage with me. It's really strange how I still am not comfortable with asking him to take care of her solo. It's been really hard with school, too because I often feel like it's me and her and then, oh yeah, there's my husband too. I think a big part of it is he is more than happy to play spectator. Her biological father lives nearby and we switch her on weeks/weekends arrangements so the interaction is often. Maybe my husband feels there is no need for him to play a fatherly role. I've spoken to him about it and told him the opposite was quite true. He doesn't appear to be making any great efforts in that direction, though.

From what I can sum up, I think the hardest part is I feel like a single parent who happens to have a husband. Does that make sense?

Rustyhammer · Jan 25, 2003

Wow!

The things you learn on this BB.

I had never even HEARD of a blended family much less considered one.

Hmmm....I wonder....I don't think I know any blended families personally.

Thanks for the education.

-Russell

renerian, BSN, RN · Jan 25, 2003

Russell we are a blended family. I have two bios and three stepkids who live with us. Definately a challenge. Power struggles and lots of sibling competition.

Did you get your truck back yet?

renerian

Rustyhammer · Jan 25, 2003

We (Robin and I) thought of someone we knew in a blended family. She had 2, He had 2 and they had 3 together.

And all under the same roof.

-R

ggfifirn05 · Jan 25, 2003

Renerian -

I grew up in a blended family (myself, two step siblings, three half siblings), and repeated family history by marrying (2nd time) a man with 2 kids each from his marriages 1 & 2; and I had a son and daughter from my first marriage. So we were "the Brady Bunch", with four of the kids ages 5 and younger! Fortunately, only his youngest two and my daugheter lived with us when we were first married, and then we had my son with us every other weekend. After two years my husband's oldest son decided he wanted to come live with us, too (he was 14 at the time). And all this was going on while my husband finished up his last sea duty in the Navy before he retired in '92 (during Desert Storm and the aftermath).

The good thing was that the four youngest kids had known each other their whole lives (my husband and I were friends before we started dating), so they didn't really need to adjust to each other. They get along (and fight) just as if they were biological siblings. They are now 20, 19, and two 17 year olds, and are all very close. We never used the word "step-" anything, and refused to let anyone else (family members, friends, etc) use it to describe us either. We have always described ourselves as "The Fantastic Fifi... Family", and have really stuck together, especially when my husband's older son committed suicide at age 19, back in 1996 (that's a whole 'nother thread).

Unfortunately, my husband's oldest daughter was the one child who never really joined in our family...she was estranged from her father (primarily due to her mother's "brainwashing") from long before we were married until just the last year or two. It seems like her reconciliation with him directly coincided with her having her 2nd child...I guess it took being a parent to make her understand her father's side of the story, which up until then she had never known. Unfortunately, she and her family moved from Florida to Montana about a year or so ago, so the chance of my husband getting to know his grandsons is rather remote...

Coming from a large family myself, I've been thrilled to raise a large brood myself. There have been some very challenging moments, with the ex-spouses, kids with ADHD (my son), and especially when Brian died, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. They are all great kids, and I'm very proud of them. I don't feel exactly the same emotion for my husband's biological children as I do for mine, but I do LOVE them, and think they love me, and I know I will always be "Mom" to them. Ironically, it turns out that the younger two of my husband's kids have a half sister, who just contacted them this week - she's twelve, and wants to meet her half siblings (their mother walked out on them and my husband when they were 3 1/2 years & 16 months old, and hasn't had any contact with them since their half sister was born!). More blended family!

By the way, my husband and I have no biological children together (we felt we had both already "multiplied" enough)although we do have to very spoiled Shetland Sheepdogs that are treated as if they are our "babies"! I can't imagine life without all these kids, and feel like I'm a much better person (and hopefully, will make a better nurse) because of my experiences raising them.

renerian, BSN, RN · Jan 25, 2003

Susan I am so glad to hear people success stories. We have been together 6 years. Lots of acting out.

renerian

KaroSnowQueen, RN · Jan 26, 2003

Postscript to my story:

We also had about eleven unofficial foster children along the way.

One was my ex's niece, two were this husband's niece and nephew, and the rest were other people's kids who didn't get along well at home, and for whatever reasons came to stay the night at out house and didn't go home for one to five years!!

All but one still keep in touch with us and I wouldn't have done it any other way, although I am SO glad all those years with wall to wall children are over!!!!!!!

So were blended and reblended some more!!!

Nurse Izzy · Jan 26, 2003

We're blended, too. I'm a step-mom to a wonderful (mostly) 4-year-old boy. At first his mom and I didn't get along well - we tolerated each other and that was it. Strangely, though, we started exchanging E-Mails and things have been easier. We're getting to know each other better (but you have to be very careful what you say via E-Mail because you lose facial expression, inflection, intonation, etc, so it's very easy to be misunderstood!) and it's helping. I hope it continues along this path, especially since we both agree that we're in this for the long-haul and it will be for the best if we can get along - for our own sakes as well as the boy's!