Bathing a 7 y/o

Energizer Bunny · Apr 20, 2004

We went over the whole "good touch, bad touch" thing when they were very small. We still talk about sexual matters now, even with (especially with?) our 16 year old girl. Yes, it is a good idea to be safe and take precautions. You hear so much these days about pedophiles.
There is also something to be said about being comfortable with your body and sometimes I think that kids might be under (media) pressure to NOT be comfy with who or what they are.
-R

We started with Trey when he was two and also with Piper this year. We talk about it almost every day during a diaper change or when being bathed so that they do not forget. I don't want them to run scared, but I do want them to be aware. I think many parents (including my own mother) do not think about these things or at least not until they are much older. For myself, my abuse started at age four, so if I had been taught young, there is a chance it could have been avoided or at least stopped.

I agree with you about the media. Look at all the skinny supermodels. I'm not saying that they themselves think everyone should look that way, but when that is generally the size you see on television and in movies, then kids pick that up. So, if a child is a little larger, they feel ashamed of their body? I know I did. But, some of mine was teasing at school to, to be fair. It wasn't all media....there are just soo many factors to consider.

bungy · Apr 20, 2004

...to me it seems that you may have some OCD issues.

I get the feeling it's not just nurse2be's ex who has OCD issues. Come on, people, even a little amount of nursing education lets you know that over-bathing is BAD FOR YOU. Clean face, armpits and crotch is as much as is needed most of the time, and a (not too hot) shower every 2-3 days is heaps if you have dry skin.

As to the more important issue, if Nurse2be wasn't aware of the possibility of abuse she wouldn't have brought it up on the forum, but being uncomfortable - at 7 - to shower in front of a male parent does not necessarily mean that she has been abused. More likely - as has been suggested - he is almost a stranger to her, and he doesn't understand the issues involved. It is possible that there's more to it, but by being open to hear what is happening, and ensuring your daughter knows that you'll hear her, you're doing as much as any mother can, and more than many.

CCU NRS · Apr 20, 2004

I get the feeling it's not just nurse2be's ex who has OCD issues. Come on, people, even a little amount of nursing education lets you know that over-bathing is BAD FOR YOU. Clean face, armpits and crotch is as much as is needed most of the time, and a (not too hot) shower every 2-3 days is heaps if you have dry skin.
As to the more important issue, if Nurse2be wasn't aware of the possibility of abuse she wouldn't have brought it up on the forum, but being uncomfortable - at 7 - to shower in front of a male parent does not necessarily mean that she has been abused. More likely - as has been suggested - he is almost a stranger to her, and he doesn't understand the issues involved. It is possible that there's more to it, but by being open to hear what is happening, and ensuring your daughter knows that you'll hear her, you're doing as much as any mother can, and more than many.

OK I agree whole heartedly that it may be nothing and dad may just be a dork! But sometimes abusers use things that make children very scared, Like telling her that if she ever tells she will be taken away from her Mommy!! I just think besides letting her know you are listening you have to go that extra mile to make sure she understands that if something bad is happening it is not her fault and she will not be punished and she will not be taken away or any threat that daddy might have made to make you keep a secret!!! Better safe than sorry

sashibeak · Apr 20, 2004

Dear All,
I have a 7 y/o daughter who sees her dad once every two to three months. He picks her up on Saturday and drops her back off on Sunday. She has a shower the morning of the day she goes to visit him; but he insists that she needs a shower the next morning too. Not only does she have dry skin, she expresses that she doesn't like to take a shower while she's with him. I typically give her a shower every 2 to 3 days. Am I showering my daughter too infrequently? Just curious how often you all bathe your kiddos. I've asked him to please not give her a shower while she's with him - and he's insisting that he'll need a doctor's note to that effect if that's what I want to happen.
Anyhow - thanks in advance for any input.
Emily

Wow! You know this just goes to prove how differently we are all raised. I was always taught to shower/wash EVERY day....... full body wash in the morning and at least face and hands at night. Now I'm "grown-up" I am a clean-freak and need to shower/bathe twice a day!

terri0318rn · Apr 22, 2004

I am responding to you not only as a nurse but as a woman and mother of a 7 yr old, although my child is a male. Girl or boy, if the child feels uncomfortable they feels uncomfortable, plain and simple. Also, if they don't want to talk about it it may be that simple because 7 yr olds are beginning to express themselves and make decisions for themselves. It could be because they are intuitive and are tired of hearing about the issue and don't want to "go there" anymore. But there has to be a time to discuss it. My son says that and I insist that it is time to talk about it....because I say so and I am the mother. I think it is easier when you get down on a 7 yr olds level and think like a 7 yr old for a while. You don't have to make the child feel uncomfortable, bring up the topic casually and make it sound like it has nothing to do with her..You might start off by saying "you are getting to be such a big girl. you know, when I was your age...." and use examples of how you were so indepentdent and never needed help with certain things. Maybe this is the time to talk about how a girls body changes as she starts to mature and how important modesty and privacy is. Talk about how noone but you or the doctor should never see her with her clothes off as she grows up. At 7 she should probably be able to bathe herself as I am sure you have tried to instill independence. My son likes to lock the bathroom door now (although I advocate against it). I have told my son that it is HIS body and no one but him has the "right" to see him without reason (and as a mother I always have a reason because if he turns up with bruises or scratches I want to know where they came from.....maybe he has had an altercation at school and I look stupid if his dad should ask what happened and I cannot provide an adequate explanation) I too was abused as a child, physically, emothionally and sexually and my first thought was ofcourse molestation on the fathers part (because I have been there and victims of abuse always see that first) I would like to give the father the benefit of the doubt here and think that he just has fatherly concern for cleanliness, however a 7 yr old should certainly be able to wash themselves. She should have been taught by now how to adjust the water for a bath on her own, however not all showers or bathtubs are universal in the temperature of water and I wouldn't want a child to get burned while doing it. I turn on the water for my son before he gets into the tub or shower and then have him call on me when he is done. I will help him dry off, but I don't touch his private parts (I have told him noone but the doctor and himself should be touching him there now unless he has indicated a problem and then I might pay more attention) We observe and promote modesty in our home, but we do not shun nudity as if it were tabu. Certainly the insistance of the father to assist in bathing raises a red flag, however it may be innocent and he may not have considered that you may suspect abuse.

As for bathing as an issue......I have discussed the reason why my son needs a bath daily with him and he tries to argue that he doesn't feel like it every day (exibiting independence). I have told him that a shower helps wake me up in the morning, as well as rid pillow head hair. I personnally shower daily as a personal preference. (some nationalities have different types and don't partake in this and that is all well and good) I have told my son that as long as there is a shower available he should take advantage of it because there are others who are not forturnate enough to have that luxury and then we discuss the homeless. The arguing stops there and he then complies with my wishes.

I hope that I have conveyed the non biased response I intended without being condesending to you. You have the right as a mother if nothing else to express your view to the father about bathing. I do not think you should have had to resort to a physicians letter uness there is truly a medical issue and concern for her skin care. Certainly if abuse was in question I would have gone to the authorities and had an investigation launched. The letter sounds to me though like a deterant from the bathing issue instead of going with your instincts. The letter was an easier way out than the accusation. I was in law enforcement before nursing and also have a degree in psychology so I would like to think I have examined all the angles.

Please respond by private email if you like, I would like to hear if the issue has actually been resolved and what you did (after the intervene from the physician with the letter) :rolleyes:

[Nurse2be]Dear All,

I appreciate everyone's input. I have gotten a letter from my doctor, and if the showers do not cease at this next visitation, then we will be going back to court.

Thanks everyone, I appreciate you all.

Sincerely,

Emily

EarthAngel · Apr 23, 2004

Eh.. as far as Im concerned, every other day is fine, but "top and tailing" done morning and before bed time. (washing faces, hands and in the summer barefeet etc) In my experiences, any time Ive met a person that made such a big deal about daily baths and how *clean* they were, were always the ones with the messiest houses and habits. To each their own I guess...

powel_44 · Apr 27, 2004

A normal person should bath daily.... If i were a parents will bath / let bath my kid routinely. It feels really good when someone is clean. No "odors", no flies will fly over you. It is odd not to bath a child in a day.

One of the users of this Nursing Discussion suggested the use of eucerin lotion and elidel cream. Pls. look those in yahoo search. you will find which is not good for your child's dry skin.

If condition doesnt improve or worsen, pls consult a help of a specialist.

I dont want my child to grow who doesnt do personal hygiene. It is odd.

Well, that's only my view. You are free to react.

:nono:

Dear All,
I have a 7 y/o daughter who sees her dad once every two to three months. He picks her up on Saturday and drops her back off on Sunday. She has a shower the morning of the day she goes to visit him; but he insists that she needs a shower the next morning too. Not only does she have dry skin, she expresses that she doesn't like to take a shower while she's with him. I typically give her a shower every 2 to 3 days. Am I showering my daughter too infrequently? Just curious how often you all bathe your kiddos. I've asked him to please not give her a shower while she's with him - and he's insisting that he'll need a doctor's note to that effect if that's what I want to happen.
Anyhow - thanks in advance for any input.
Emily

Energizer Bunny · Apr 27, 2004

I have always been told by my peds. to not wash them every day unless they desperately need it. All of my children have very sensitive skin and even the medications out there don't help most of the time. I do wash their privates and of course their faces every night...that's a given. If my kids didn't have sensitive skin, I probably would wash them every day just because I wash myself every day and would like to instill the habit in them. However, they DO see me taking a shower every day so they know that is the way "big people" do it. I don't think they will ever have a problem being clean as adults.

eltrip · Apr 27, 2004

Let me echo what a number of other posters have expressed. Seven year-olds can bathe themselves on their own...even with long hair (My 7 y/o daughter washes her own during her showers). I have taught my daughter that it is inappropriate for a seven year-old girl to be bathing with either of her parents. The fact that the OP's daughter is having to shower with her father during their visits raises a huge red flag for me as both a mother as well as a survivor of sexual abuse. I dunno, perhaps he doesn't know any better...perhaps he does. Hey, my father told me that my mother wouldn't believe me (and she didn't until I was 30)...and told her that I was "enticing him." I am naturally suspcious.

Please schedule an appointment as soon as possible with your daughter's pediatrician for an evaluation. If need be, take her to a counselor. Do not delay. Just my "gut response."

Take care,

eltrip

Shotzie · Apr 27, 2004

You must have missed something, Eltrip.

This child wasn't shopwering with her dad, he was helping her with her shower and it sounds like, (from all the precious posts) mom has a handle on this situation now.

eltrip · Apr 27, 2004

You must have missed something, Eltrip.
This child wasn't shopwering with her dad, he was helping her with her shower and it sounds like, (from all the precious posts) mom has a handle on this situation now.

...which is why I edited it. Still raises my hackles, though