backstabbers, 2-faced coworkers

kukukajoo, LPN · Jan 19, 2007

When someone comes up to you to tell you what so-and-so said about you just cut them off at the pass and tell them that you don't want to participate in the rant wars, that if so-and-so would like to discuss things with you she can. Then just walk away.

Then always stay neutral and when someone is talking about another coworker you can be present, but impartial. If the conversation turns into a rantfest or gets personal and not about work then walk away.

It works wonders I promise! It may take a few times but you will notice that they will stop being that way with you and when they decide to talk about someone it probably won't be you as they would rather be causing grief and they can't seem to accomplish it with you.

bella2131 · Jan 19, 2007

I supervised a group of women older than me in a medical laboratory setting....I had 3 imparticular that were always going back and forth and the one would come to me and report what the other 2 were doing...I referred to them as my 'Bermuda Triangle'....finally after having enough..I mentioned to the informer that if she had so much time to report on what the others were doing...she must not have enough to do herself. More work was pushed her way....pretty much ended that.

Roy Fokker, BSN, RN · Jan 19, 2007

I follow a couple rules at work:

1. Don't respond in kind to provocation (I've had some staff constantly try to rib/provoke me but I just don't pay attention. One of them just observed yesterday that "he just doesn't seem to care". I had a quiet, inner chuckle at that response).

2. Don't participate in behavior you find reprehensible yourself (i.e. If you don't like gossip - don't be one!)

3. Be friendly and courteous at work - no matter what others may or may not have told you about the other person. Measure each individual as and how they behave/respond to you - not by so-and-so's opinion about them.

4. Resolve differences mutually - failing which, use chain of command.

Change begins with you...

All the best,

Kanani_Ikike · Jan 19, 2007

Ya know, I am so appalled with what I witness at my hospital. I dont trust anyone, and it is upsetting. I see 2 people talking, laughing, being buddies. The next day, one of them will be talking trash about the other one, then the next day is buddy-buddy with that person again. EVERYONE does it. A new hire just told me a few things that she heard said about me and my nursing. It really hurt my feelings and makes me question myself. I have a hard time with self-esteem anyway, I dont need that. I always pitch in to help everyone, running down their beeping IV pumps, helping their pt to the bathroom, etc. I truely try to get along with everyone. Its even worse with the "shift wars". I want a new job so badly, but its probably the same way in every hospital. I hope not. Its hard working in that type of atmosphere.

I, too, think that it is very sad that we must put up with this from our colleagues. We are supposed to be professional in the work place and united and have team work. What I see bothers me so. It seems that everyday, there is always someone trying to get someone else written up for what they might have not done. And all the time, I'm like, "If you are so busy finding what's wrong with other people's work, then how do you have time for doing your own? It's just crazy. And I wish it would end. And I think that I can say without any reservation, that this, too, contributes to the nursing shortage. And it is everywhere.

I know that other professions have their qualms, but in this profession, you are dealing with people's lives and their licenses. Just one stab in the back, and your hard work can go down the drain in a flash. That in addition to dealing with increasingly hostile family members, and you have a recipe for burn out on our hands.

The only way I see this stopping anytime soon is for the nurse managers to lay down the law. It should not be acceptable for people to "tattle" on other nurses for every little thing. If one sees something that may have been overlooked, then they should just fix it. No big, right? That's how I see it. I mean, if it happens every night, then, yeah, something should be said, but otherwise, we nurses need to stop stabbing each other in the back. :nurse:

pkurland, BSN, MSN · Jan 19, 2007

Im going through the same issues except with some CNA's they have made my week hell

pkurland, BSN, MSN · Jan 19, 2007

:chair: Im going through the same issues except with some CNA's they have made my week hell

paula:smiletea2:

SmilingBluEyes · Jan 19, 2007

I just live by the rule to MYOB and not listen to the gossip. I do fine....

Also having a really thick skin helps....alot.

vamedic4, EMT-P · Jan 19, 2007

Some of the best advice I ever got was from a female boss who everyone hated and yet they feared and respected her. She told me "You do your best and then let it go. Don't take your work home with you." At the end of the day, if I can go home feeling like I did my best to work hard for my patients and "contribute to the team", then it was a good day. All you can do is do your best. Half the time no one really knows or even pays attention to how much you do or how well you do it. But YOU will know. Yes, it's sad, but people seem to only notice what doesn't get done. Do your best, play fair even if others aren't and treat others as you want to be treated. In the end you can feel good about your own behavior. Be careful who you confide in. Don't pass on gossip, malicious or otherwise. Let it stop with you. The only exception: Let others know when you hear good, positive, uplifting things said about them. We all could use some encouragement. Don't tell others any negative things you hear said about them, that's just counterproductive and mean and quite possibly untrue. When I was a new nurse, someone who knew my preceptor when she was a student (ages ago) told me some horrible things about how terrible and incapable she was. I decided to make my own decisions about this person and ended up thinking she was the most awesome, capable, knowledgable nurse I have ever known.

That pretty well sums it up. It really isn't worth my time for me to listen to or believe all the stuff that may be said about me, and since it's never brought to my direct attention it's not important enough for me to even respond to. You don't like the way I do something? Let's talk about it. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut. All that "nanny nanny boo boo you're gonna get in trouble" stuff was fine...when we were 6. Now? I think it's time some people grew up. I truly don't care what your position is, nurse, tech, resident (as in Dr.)...if you have an issue - bring it to me. Just like you, I don't know everything and perhaps by talking to you I can figure out how I can make things better. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut and stop wasting my time.

Petty, pathetic people usually stay that way. They don't change. The best you can do is rise above, do your best, and focus on the reason you're there...to make life better for your patients.

vamedic4

Niecee · Jan 19, 2007

I am an LPN, 10 years now, I didnt have the self Esteem to work in a Hospital so decided to work in Nursing homes and salary was better too. After being back stabbed by so many other nurses and even set up which almost lost me my nursing license, I decided to go Hospice, there was no other way and I needed to work, now looking into RN home study so I can get into a hospital but heard nightmares there too. While working Hospice I met this man his father was dying, he worked in the same Hospital for 18 years, good employee, no write ups, someone had laced one of his IV's, he was a mess for almost 2 years, was terminated, turned into Florida State board, later it was discovered at the hospital that this other nurse if she didnt like you for any reason she just laced the IV's, bad thing is that he suffered and so did his family, they had to move as well and start all over. In my case I had a supervisor that disturbed me during report 17 times, she wanted the keys to my med cart and refused to wait, I got so mad I tossed them at her, latter it was discovered a NARC was taken out, I had staff search the unit 4 times and it was found untouched, yet I was fired over this and turned into state boards, this supervisor set me up and it was all over me telling her she if she was on a med cart and I was to take her hall she needed to be ready and not let me wait 45 minutes into my shift, the D.O.N. over heard me tell her so this RN got me and would you believe she still works there. I mind my own business and do my work, I am quiet and dont bother anyone else but will help out during a code or admissions, one night while working a PEDS unit, I happen to make another room check on my infants that were on Apnea monitors, all of the infants had trac's, when I walked in 6 of the infants monitors were turned off, and O2 tubing to machines had been all pulled out, one of these infants could have died and it would have been my fault, well the quiet nurse that I always was cut loose and I tore the whole staff apart, I can not say for sure because I didnt see it being done but always thought it was the RN supervisor there as she was so jealous of me and was a swinger always making sexual remarks to me (sexual harrassment) and I am a straight person, I didnt do what she wanted so she might have tried to destroy me. I ahve also heard other nightmares of nurses in the hospitals here, yet it always comes out in the wash, the person doign these things gets caught !!

elaine55 · Jan 19, 2007

ya know, i am so appalled with what i witness at my hospital. i dont trust anyone, and it is upsetting. i see 2 people talking, laughing, being buddies. the next day, one of them will be talking trash about the other one, then the next day is buddy-buddy with that person again. everyone does it. a new hire just told me a few things that she heard said about me and my nursing. it really hurt my feelings and makes me question myself. i have a hard time with self-esteem anyway, i dont need that. i always pitch in to help everyone, running down their beeping iv pumps, helping their pt to the bathroom, etc. i truely try to get along with everyone. its even worse with the "shift wars". i want a new job so badly, but its probably the same way in every hospital. i hope not. its hard working in that type of atmosphere.

do not get discouraged nursing is a wonderful profession;yes give women a little power and they go crazy(yes i am a woman) but nurses are so cruel at times i agree you should rise above it find the genuine people they are there! any travelers out there i just want to let you know i found the best recruiter i love her and she has my back at all times.

recruiter information removed. violation of the tos of this forum.

DeLana_RN, BSN, RN · Jan 19, 2007

Some people hate you because they think you are bad (compared to them - in their opinion, of course), others because you are good (threat). Some even dislike you because you help them - because they don't want to "have to" help you in turn.

Sad, but true - and everywhere I have ever worked, even before nursing. It's their problem, not yours (and yes, I'm still working on believing that myself ).

Good luck!

DeLana :)

P.S. Even in my new job - 6 weeks! - where all the nurses (inpatient dialysis) seem to get along exceptionally well, I have already heard the backbiting and gossip

BSN74 · Jan 19, 2007

Isn't it sad that humans don't revere being a decent human being the way they revere sports heros and movie stars? They could begin teaching it to small children in nursery school instead of just saying "children can be cruel" when some child accidently wets his pants or something.