A family so nasty, I feel like quitting

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I had a family yesterday that was so beligerent!

We have this "Yes I can" thing going on d/t reduced pt volumes, but these people were asking for things we just don't have/do. Then yelling, "well who do we have to talk to to get xyz?"

I won't go into all the details, but somehow I came home feeling really bad. Didn't sleep. Still in my robe in the middle of the afternoon.

I just don't know how to handle people like this. I brought in the charge, but then she left, nothing really resolved, family still browbeating me to have everything happen right now, and to get them things we don't have.

We don't have great resources on the weekend as it is, but people just don't want to hear that.

Sorry for the rambling, but this is really making me depressed.

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You need a break, if only for the afternoon and evening. This type of problem should be left at the job. When you are thinking about it at home, it is harming your mental health and your family life. This family would be rolling in the aisles laughing if they were to find out how much they have upset you. Please find something to make yourself feel better and don't let them have any more of your time and energy. They, despite their inflated opinions of themselves, are not worth it.

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what did the cn say/do?

how did they react when basically told, "sorry, i can't help you"?

if all else fails and family gets too disruptive, you call security...

and write a detailed note.

leslie

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Specializes in Critical Care - Cardiac Medical ICU, GI.

Sorry you had such a crappy day! It sounds like you acted in the most professional manner with a family that would make many people react angrily and emotionally just like them. I can understand why you might feel drained and upset after a day like that. But their crazy is not your fault! We tell patients and families how things are in the hospital, and how they react is up to them. Clear boundaries are important, "Yelling at me is not acceptable behavior." Social workers are great, but not always available to help.

I try my best to limit my review of my work day to the drive home, and maybe an hour after I get home. Then it is me time, and time for my family. Of course sometimes I slip, but we've got to keep trying! :innerconf

Hang in there!

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Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

You can't take it personally, you're dealing with the public, they can be irrational at times.

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Specializes in ER.

A manager I know once explained saying yes and meaning no way, or get it yourself.

Do you provide meals for families?

Yes, if you go to the ground floor and walk towards B street you'll find the cafeteria.

Can I call and check on Mom?

Yes call anytime, we'll be happy to give her the phone if she's awake.

Can anyone call, anytime?

Sure, as long as she's up I'm sure she'd be happy to hear from you. Keep in mind that sick people need their rest, but we'd be happy to pass on your messages if she's resting.

Would you take my blood pressure?

The hospital provides that service but you need to go to the ER so that if you need someone to explain an abnormal reading, or if you need more investigations you don't need to wait or go through more paperwork.

Can I have 10 visitors today, it's my birthday and we're planning a party?

Sure- have as many as you like, but I'm concerned so many people at once will be a strain. Why don't we plan on getting all your treatments done this morning while the first few arrive, and tell them you'll need to rest an hour after lunch. If you look tired I'll scoot them out for coffee, or you ask me for grape juice (we don't have any, so I'll know you're tired). I'll see if I can reserve the lounge area, they won't be comfortable all cooped up in your room.

then again some families just push to find out where the boundaries are.

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Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

Very good Canoehead!!! :up:

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Specializes in ER.

Got to add, sometimes I list, again, everything I've done to solve the problem, what we're waiting for, and sometimes ask what else they suggest I do.

Like- I've gotten cold packs, and hot packs

assisted with repositioning

gone for more warm blankets

and extra pillows

given all the medication you can possibly have

monitered vital signs in case you could possibly tolerate more drugs without arresting

paged the PCP

talked to my charge nurse

contacted social work about home care

reviewed the options with your family

Is there anything ELSE you would like me to do?

Frequently they'll suggest something out of my pay range, or something crazy, like phone the CEO, or move all the other patients over to maternity where no one minds noise (heehee). I tell them they are welcome to try it, but my employer, my license, or federal law prohibits me doing that particular thing. Then I beat a quick escape and chart my little hinie off.

If you take 10 minutes and go through EVERYTHING with a family step by step, and they get confident answers, they'll usually pull back a bit and save the next real assault for the next shift.

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Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

YOu are good, canoehead! You always sound so smart and down to earth!

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Specializes in ER.

I can't wait for that year before retirement when I can tell people what I really think.

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Got to add, sometimes I list, again, everything I've done to solve the problem, what we're waiting for, and sometimes ask what else they suggest I do.

Like- I've gotten cold packs, and hot packs

assisted with repositioning

gone for more warm blankets

and extra pillows

given all the medication you can possibly have

monitered vital signs in case you could possibly tolerate more drugs without arresting

paged the PCP

talked to my charge nurse

contacted social work about home care

reviewed the options with your family

Is there anything ELSE you would like me to do?

Frequently they'll suggest something out of my pay range, or something crazy, like phone the CEO, or move all the other patients over to maternity where no one minds noise (heehee). I tell them they are welcome to try it, but my employer, my license, or federal law prohibits me doing that particular thing. Then I beat a quick escape and chart my little hinie off.

If you take 10 minutes and go through EVERYTHING with a family step by step, and they get confident answers, they'll usually pull back a bit and save the next real assault for the next shift.

This is really helpful. I think a big part of the problem is that I wasn't as confident as I could have been. They were asking for things I was pretty sure we didn't have/couldn't do, but I couldn't easily verify because it was the weekend. By the time I did verify, the situation was quite escalated. They went on to refuse diagnostic testing, demanding to see docs every 5 minutes, etc, etc. The real kicker is the patient was not really very sick at all, probably went home today. And I had other (less stable) patients get their meds late, etc. because of them.

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Yep. This (bullying and/or passive aggressive family) is probably the only reason that I genuinely and truly hate my job at times. (and normally I like what I do, though other things can make me frustrated, but these people make me HATE it..) And I gotta be honest, there will be people who defend these types, saying "oh, give them a break, they're just stressed out..it's a difficult time for them because their family member is hospitalized.." :icon_roll Meh. Save it. Cuz you know what? They're stressing me out, and making me have a difficult time..Do I get to be an a$$hole to them now?!

(Can you tell I've had a rough couple of days?:chuckle)

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