I went into nursing not because I wanted to but because my family decided that it was the best major to choose for money and job stability that did not require a master's degree or higher. I thought I could give it a try because it was the logical thing to do. I did not like nursing school and I dreaded anytime I had to go to clinical. The only thing I liked was talking to patients and being helpful. I never said a thing and kept pushing through suppressing my feelings and doing what I was expected to do. I had so many moments where I want to change my major but I did not want to disappoint anyone. As I got closer to senior year I was excited to finish school but not to become a nurse. I worked hard, never had a problem with my grades or failed any classes. I finished my bachelor's program with a 3.5 GPA.
I remember my family being so excited and pretended like I was so happy but inside I was terrified of being a nurse when I knew it was not what I wanted. I passed my NCLEX first try 75 questions. I had a job lined up the week after I passed my NCLEX. All the while feeling guilty that there were people who wanted this so badly and did not make it. Fast forward to today I'm three months into my new job and I cry every day. I feel so stuck because outside of nursing my degree is useless. Its not a matter of trying different areas of nursing because I know I wont like it. In school I did not like any of my clinical rotations.
I feel like a fraud pretending to love my job when I much rather be doing something else. My patients deserve a nurse who has a passion for what they do and wants to be there. The only thing I like is talking to the patients and being helpful. I don't care for hands on nursing part. Basically I feel stuck and don't know what to do. I cant continue on like this I'm a shell of my former self and just going through the motions. Perhaps someone out there will read this and learn to never make the mistake of picking a career they don't like for money, stability or their family. You will regret it unless you are built to handle a career you hate just for the money. You are better of living below your means and picking a career you can live with. We spend too much of our adult life working to be miserable every day. I feel like such a fool and ashamed for wasting 4 years of my life for something I did not want. My problem is I don't know what I could possibly do now.
