Need Encouragement/To Vent

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Dec 3, 2015

It is tough to be on your own for the first time.

You need to join a group. Book club, knitting club, volunteer...that kind of thing. I swear one of the kids worked as a server in a local diner type of coffee shop/bakery from 7a-11a on the Saturdays she had off. Made some friends, talked with people, got the "in" on the artsy kind of get togethers (that she loves) as well as made cash tips--which used for gas money extra money to go out to lunch--whatever. The same could be done with a book store, the local consignment shop--not cash that day, but a little extra money and a little extra in a paycheck....

Best wishes, and it will get easier!!

calivianya, BSN, RN · Dec 3, 2015

An hour and a half is an easy drive - you can go home in the morning, visit all day, and come home at night. You are in easy reach of your family and friends. If it's the first time you've lived by yourself, it's really not the distance. I suspect you could be living within a ten minute drive of family/friends and feel the same way. If you're used to a full place and you're coming back to an empty one, that's what the real root of this problem is.

Would you consider getting a pet? Having a warm fuzzy who greets you at the door after a long shift helps a lot when you live alone.

emmy27 · Dec 4, 2015

It just takes time. Striking out on your own is a big transition for nearly everyone- you just happen to have undertaken it at the same time as your new grad job, which is also a very stressful thing. Even good changes are stressful- that's something that's important to remember. So you've got a one-two punch of being on your own AND starting a new career and job simultaneously. It's gonna be rough for a bit. But it does get better, I promise!

My husband is military, and even after many moves, I still feel a little bummed at each new place at first- when it's just a strange town with no connections, memories, or friends. But any place can have those things with a little time and effort.

Try to remember that it's normal to feel a little adrift, and do your best to shut down discouraging self-talk. It's normal to feel a little sad about changes, especially changes that involve giving up daily access to people you love. But it helps a lot to reframe it- when you live a little bit away from someone, seeing them becomes a much more special occasion- you have more to talk about, and it's a treat- and now you have your own place and control over your own schedule. That's not exciting if all you do is go to the store on your day off, but you can change that, one baby step at a time. You can decorate your new place the way you want, host your family and friends, find things that you discovered to show them when they visit, try out a new hobby that you might not have considered before without anyone asking/teasing about it, schedule your days the way you like... these are positives!

It will help a lot to have loving faces and a sense of community locally, too, so check out the website meetup.com, craigslist community page, and the bulletin boards in your hospital. Join a gym (or even better, a studio-style workout facility, like a yoga or barre or crossfit place). Find a charitable organization that you're passionate about and that needs volunteers (shelters nearly always need dog walkers/bathers- and being around dogs is kind of inherently cheering, I think). Ask one of your coworkers- especially another new grad who might be in similar shoes- to get lunch or go to a continuing education seminar. Get a library card, visit all the parks in your area, check out performances/lectures/concerts or community events at the local colleges.

You can feel at home in your new town, too, and sooner than you think, but it will involve putting out a little bit of effort. Pencil in one or two things a week- not everything will be a perfect fit, but you'll find things you like and meet people you click with eventually. And having things to do other than "stress" and "go to the store" will make your days off more fun and less sad. Don't think of it as "exploring alone" think of it as "scoping out awesome stuff to show visitors when they come." It'll also help take your mind off the stress of work and role transition.

I've had places I've lived for years that never felt like anything other than a grim stopover on a road trip, and places that I lived for a shorter time but still think of as a sort of "home" and go back to visit. It's really what effort you put out that affects how much you enjoy and identify with a given place.

Tumbler · Dec 4, 2015

I could have written this, only I'm further away (too far to drive back for a day) and further into my 1 year residency. I've thought about moving back home. I don't mind living alone (really!), but I miss the comfort of just calling up someone in my family whenever there's a movie I want to see or just stopping by the house because I never seem to have the right food to cook something. The only problem with moving back? Work. The hospitals at home are small and anything really interesting gets sent away to a bigger market. There's also no where to go for further education.

vulupure · Dec 4, 2015

I drive 1.5 hours to work and 1.5 hours back each day [emoji85]

not2bblue · Dec 9, 2015

I live in such a big town that it is literally an hour just to get "across town". Seriously, my high school (only 25 straight there but with stops) and college (without stops) were an hour drive each, in opposite directions. You aren't that far away. It is living on your own the first time. I've been out of the parent's home for 20 years-haha at this point, going next door is like "oh, I have to get dressed and walk all the way over there, it's not worth it", but I'm older than you and was always a lone wolf type.

You will get used to, and even like, living on your own. This is time to learn to love your own company:inlove:. Go see a movie, out to eat, go for walks, join a gym, make a list of things you always wanted to do but didn't have time for when you were in school like read all the Harry Potter novels or watch every episode of specific shows. Netflix and Hulu are cheap. Make friends with a co-worker. This may seem silly, but maybe even offer to babysit for one of them with little ones so s/he can have a night out. You would be surprised how much fun you will have watching the kids and how busy you will be doing it. Sitting with the kids may lead to great and lasting friendships with the parents and couples to go out with when your boyfriend gets there. If you aren't too tired, get a fun little part time job just for activity of it, not for the money (save all the "extra" you get from this job so you can get a new car, take a great trip, put a down payment on a house....). And yes, get a pet. Cats are great for nurses (if you aren't allergic) because they don't need to be walked if you have a super long shift. Parakeets, finches, or cockatiels are fun to talk to, though they can be noisy and messy. Dogs are best if you want a cuddler, not all cats like loving on and you can hire someone to take them out in the middle of your shift so you don't come home to piddles and puddles. It gets easier, dear. It really does. You have a lot of changes all at once. But I'm sure your friends and family would say you are an awesome person, so you are already someone great to hang out with. Hang out with yourself!

annabash_rn · Dec 15, 2015

Sending you a big hug. I have no advice to offer other than things that have been said by posters above me. I moved 3 hours away from home right after graduation for a new job. My first couple months were so lonely. Four months later I'm finally starting to adjust. The nurses I work with aren't very friendly and I haven't made any friends yet in my new town. So I totally understand how you feel. But stay positive. Relationships take time. That's what I keep telling myself, anyway. And it helps :)

You are only and hour and a half away from friends and family though. That's really not that far. Hang in there :)