Just finished my last 12 hr shift this week...I'm sleep deprived and I've been bouncing around between Med Surg and ICU. A brief background: I graduated in 2010 and it took me 9 months to land this job, which I've been working for about 3 months, only a couple of weeks on my own between 2 depts. I did my immersion in a trauma stepdown unit and the ICU where I work also includes stepdown - mostly medical.
Today, I simply wasn't on my game. I had two pts, including a transfer up to MS, as well as a fresh GI post-op in addition to my stable lady w/a GI bleed. Not a problem, I thought...nothing too complicated and I've encountered these kinds of pts before. The day was kind of busy, I felt a little out of sorts because I hadn't worked ICU in a couple of weeks. Everything went alright I guess, although I did make a med error that I told my supervisor about. I also needed help hanging blood, but it all got done. Except some of my charting
When night shift comes on, a seasoned nurse took over my stable lady and asked me a couple of simple questions about her labs. Turns out I didn't really look at her Kardex all day because I was so busy getting my post-op set up and hanging blood, or helping the stable lady with toileting, that I didn't look at the big picture going on: why was stable lady here? Did her troponin peak? What about her H&H?...this is all stuff that I...spaced. I just didn't think of it. I didn't think about what the "plan" for her was...and I feel like a total failure. The seasoned nurse was understandably annoyed at me and I felt like a piece of garbage. Another older nurse had asked me at shift change why stable lady was here in ICU. I just blinked and said, "I don't know. I should know this." Her reply was "Hmph."
I'm starting to wonder if nursing was the right career choice...this is a second (or is it third?) career for me and I suck at it. I truly do, I'm not just saying that. I need to have a heart-to-heart with my manager, who has been extremely helpful and supportive. Most of my coworkers are supportive, for which I am truly grateful. But I'm just afraid this isn't going to "get better" with time...I don't know if I'll EVER get this.
You know how Dan Savage started that whole "It Gets Better Project" for LGBT youth? Do we need to start one for new nurses?
Does it get better if you start out the way I'm starting out??
Thanks for listening...:redpinkhe
Quote from Karl Farmer
Nurses eat their young, always have, and always will. It's party due to envy (you may be prettier than they are, or rebuke their advances), partly job security fear (they can fire tham and hire new grads cheaper), and other reasons, and I'm sure we all could name a few?
It doesn't have to be this way. Not all places are like this and if being a new nurse is so bad I highly doubt the experienced nurses are "envious" that they can't be a new nurse again.
OP I am sorry you are having such a bad experience. Hopefully the time flies and once you are no longer considered a new grad you can try and find a better position or a better hospital. Don't give up and believe in yourself. You will gain more confidence and your skills will get better and your time management and so on. Everything you are feeling are echoed all over these boards by other new grad nurses that are working. :heartbeat
Last edit by ~Mi Vida Loca~RN on Jul 8, '11