Rules for the ER (long)

HAHA - I don't work in the ED, but some of them can apply to ICU patients. Can we post these in the newspaper or somewhere in public? HAHAHA

if you want to smoke, you'll have to sign out ama, go smoke and start all over again.

and this is the truth where i work folks! nj is SMOKE free. if you leave to smoke... you're leaving and your room gets quickly filled!

And for the upcoming weekend:

Did you seriously call 911 because you smoked some pot a little while ago and now you feel funny? Seriously? What kind of effect were you going for, then?

Crack tends to cause chest pain. And yes, it can be serious. Life-threatening, even. When I told you the last weekend when you were here that you needed to quit smoking crack, it wasn't because I am personally morally opposed to drug use. I told you that because smoking crack has some adverse effects on your health, and I was hoping not to see you again this weekend.

People tend to throw up when they consume large quantities of alcohol. No, I don't think it was something you ate. I think it was something you drank.

We have a fairly limited drug screen here in the ER. If you think that a friend of yours slipped something into your drink, then I suggest you start hanging out with different people. Because unless it is one of 12 or so substances, I'm probably not going to be able to tell you what you were given, or even if you were given anything at all. And I certainly am not going to be able to tell you who gave it to you.

Do people really order pizza, chinese food, etc? Which really gets confiscated and consumed by staff?

These are hilarious....I can SO relate to every one of them......

Here are a couple:

~Standing and glaring at the door of the exam room only makes us move slower. And for every crossed-armed, squinty-eyed, throat-clearing, heavy- exhalation....there will be another 15 minutes added.

~PLU--EZZEE leave the attempts at humor home. For every goober head huckleberry that quirps "needles" when asked about allergies, there is a nurse tasting her own bile.

~Do NOT tell me that 98.9 is a fever for you because you "run low" and do NOT tell me that "they" can only use butterflys on you.....if only knew how much we hear that.....ggrrrrrrrrr.........

~Do not let your nasty little hellion kids breath Funyuns on me in that tiny little Triage room. ughh...I hate Funyuns and Doritos.

Like I said, we can all relate to these....but everyone KNOWS what is coming....lol...... just get ready to be chastised..(surprised no one has given us a nice healthy dose of righteous indignation yet)
badBAD ER nurses....ya'll should be ashamed!!

Hello all, I am starting nursing school this fall and I am very excitied. These postings are very funny but it makes me a little nervous. I guess after so many years in any job you will have some complaints.

Not so much complaints but observations on behavior we ER nurses have seen time and time again. There's a little bit of truth burried in each of these quips. It's letting the frustrations out- you could have a trauma code in one room and in the next room you have person with a sore leg (x1 week, walks fine) writhing in agony when you walk by but carries on conversations using her cellphone...

After a good night sleep, I have a few more (and yes, I'm starting to scare myself).....

Do not pull the race card. Yes, I am a white professional, but I did not go into nursing to discriminate against anyone. Well, actually, the only people I discriminate against are the stupid and non-sick. Rest assured, if I haven't been into your room yet, it has nothing to do with the fact that you are black/asian/indian/etc and everything to do with the fact that a)ER is no place for hangnails b)you've been glaring at me from the doorway (do you really think making me feel "threatened" is going to get me in there any faster?) c)there are other people here who are SICK (see definition of sick in post 1) d)I know you were out in triage irritating my friends out there....yes, they are my friends, and yes we talk.

Please say "hello" to me and allow me to actually get within 3 feet of you before screaming "We want plastics" or "Only anesthesia can get my blood"

If I am in your room, I am in earshot of you. Please don't scream.

Your "migraine" complaint loses all validity when you are in the room with the lights on, the tv on, on the cell, and laughing loudly with your friends. If you're going to be a drug seeker, at least be a smart one.

Just because your stomach gets a little upset when you take Advil does not mean you are allergic to it. When I ask you what kind of reaction you get when you take a drug you are allergic to, please answer....I'm not asking because I'm really interested, I'm asking because I worked hard for my license.

Don't get upset if I ask you if you have any allergies every time I give you a medicine. See above re: my license.

Kids fall down and go boom all the time. Most of them do not need a CT. I'm sorry your pediatrician's nurse told you to come here to get one.

Not necessarily...I am allergic to pretty much anything besides fyntilal (sorry dont know how to spell it) I am allergic to morphine, dilaudid, and oxycodine so if i need a STRONG pain reliever I think that is the only one I can take. and i am NOT a nurse yet or a nursing student