phone calls no outsider would believe - page 5

Got a call the other night, demanding to know if a man could still have an erection when he was dead, if it happened automatically. I told him that was not something I was going to answer, he... Read More

  1. by   RN BSN 2009
    Lol THESE ARE TOO FUNNY
  2. by   TBird81
    LMAO!
    This is actually the first time I am posting. I usually just read and laugh to myself but I had to comment on this!

    I used to work in the Communications Department at a local hospital and my main job was to answer the main phone lines, look up pt., page dr's, page emergencies, & connect callers to anywhere BUT the ER. Well I have heard some stories during my time there! One that sticks out;

    CALLER: "Hi...I umm let my child drink bleach because she was curious about the taste & I am wondering what could happen in result of that?"

    ME: "I am sorry but we can not give medical advice over the phone & we ask that you contact your doctor for any health related questions you may have."

    CALLER: "Oh well I wouldn't want HIM to know...or actually he works in the ER...could you just connect me?"

    ME: "I would but unfortunately all of our doctors in the ER are specifically hired as ER doctors and do not have patients of their own, if you would like to tell me who your PCP is then I would be glad to look him up and help you get a hold of him or whomever he is checked out to."

    Needless to say she hung up.

    Then there was another one...

    CALLER: "Ya hi...I ummm was having sex with my girlfriend and decided not to use a condom...can I bring her up there for the morning after pill?"

    I went through the whole ordeal as above with him and I remember him saying "Oh but I cant call her doctor because she is 14 and I am somewhere in my...ummm....20s."

    WOW. The worst part about this was the guy seriously sounded like he could be her father. Sick & sad.

    Sorry mine are not as funny...
  3. by   Happy2Beme
    Quote from scaredofshots
    Amen! Maybe she should have called her vet!!!
  4. by   scrmblr
    Usually when we answer the phone and someone starts with the "Can I talk to a nurse, I have a question" we just politely say "we can't answer medical questions, let me transfer you to ask a nurse" But for some reason this guy just sounded frantic...

    him-my wife is having a baby and we need to find a good midwife.
    Me...Have you tried "women's health associates"
    him...yes, they aren't in today (keep in mind it is saturday at 5pm)
    me...Well, give them a try on monday-they have some great midwifes.
    him...I don't think we can wait that long, my wife decided today that she wants a home birth and her contractions are about 4minutes apart and her water just broke!
    me...:smackingf sir? you need to hang up and either get her straight to the hospital or call 911.
    him...She is really serious about not leaving. She watched a show on a home delivery and wants to have the baby in the bathtub. They showed the midwife come to the house and deliver the baby! She decided this would be the best way to give birth.
    me...She decided that AT LEAST 3 months too late...PLEASE get your wife to the hospital.

    I explained that no serious professional would even consider a home birth for a pt she JUST MET at 5 o'clock on a saturday night...He finally convinced her to get in the car...I have no idea what eventually happened.
  5. by   scrmblr
    ooops...double post
  6. by   fmcrnwannabe
    So, on a busy night in the ER I answer the phone, like an idiot. This woman asks if we do artificial insemination in the ER. I told her that this was not an emergent procedure, that she should call her PCP or OB, discuss it with them, and be referred to a fertility specialist. She said she didn't have a PCP or OB (CLUE!!!!!), and said that she and "the ol' man" had been trying for some time, and just wanted to have a baby. At this point, I just wanted her off the phone, so I suggested that she look in the phone book for a fertility specialist and contact him for an appointment. (Here's the punchline.) She says "Great idea, how do you spell "fertility"? Classic ER phone call.
  7. by   patricelynne
    Hi Guys---Back in the 70s when I worked in the Johns Hopkins Pediatric ER we had MANY volumes of ridiculous/audacious calls on the poison control phone as well as regular phone. Being a teaching institution, pediatric interns rotated through monthly. Some of these docs were not very street smart, having had their heads in textbooks for a long time. One of my favorite calls that I witnessed went as follows: Caller-Hey, doc, our baby ate my girlfriend's diaphragm: what we gonna do? Intern-What do you MEAN the infant ATE your diaphragm?!?! Caller-He's 2 years and has teeth and he ate the diaphragm; now what're we gonna do? Intern-Well, you'll have to watch his stool and check for it to come out the other end. Check through it and it should show up in a day or two. Caller-Yeah, but what 're we gonna DO, doc? Intern-I tell you, he'll pass the thing. If he doesn't, bring him in and we'll x-ray him to locate it. Caller-Yeah, doc, but what're WE gonna DO???.......... Never dull!-----Patrice in Alaska
  8. by   CeeKayRN
    Quote from Fazed
    Just wondering...I'm not an ER nurse - still a student but I cringe whenever I see the recent asthma medication commercial. It is the one where the mother says "I called the hospital and told them 'get ready, my son is having a severe asthma attack'". All I can think of is people calling the ER saying 'get ready my husband is having a severe hang nail' etc.
    ****... seriously! I hate the commercials anymore today. People self-diagnose too much, or they sit there(ala jeff foxworthy's wife) and think they have whatever malady this drug treats. It gets really frustrating. Just over the past couple of weeks, we have had an elderly lady come in SEVERAL times for generalized malaise but comes in and DEMANDS to see a few docs who are not even on call. Just a totally frustrating situation... People
  9. by   CeeKayRN
    I know I just posted, but I had to share this phone call. I was either helping out behind the desk because we were short secretaries, but at any rate I took this call.

    Me: Good morning, Emergency Department, this is Carrie, how may I direct your call?

    Caller: Um, Hi...i have a question. May I talk to a nurse?

    Me: Sure, what's you're question.

    Caller: Well, you see, my husband usually wakes up with an erection every morning, and for the past three days he hasn't.

    Me: (By this point I"m trying really hard to stifle a laugh) Let me transfer you to our charge nurse.

    Now this may be a really SIMPLE *DUH* kinda question to answer, but I was pretty new, but my charge nurse even asked our physician who was a male because she wasn't sure either.

    I'm sure there are more, but I don't carry around the charge phone...EVER!(too new to be charge... for now)
  10. by   LeahJet
    I once talked a woman through a trauma assessment on a cat.
  11. by   bethin
    Quote from TBird81
    LMAO!

    Then there was another one...

    CALLER: "Ya hi...I ummm was having sex with my girlfriend and decided not to use a condom...can I bring her up there for the morning after pill?"

    I went through the whole ordeal as above with him and I remember him saying "Oh but I cant call her doctor because she is 14 and I am somewhere in my...ummm....20s."

    WOW. The worst part about this was the guy seriously sounded like he could be her father. Sick & sad.

    Sorry mine are not as funny...

    That is so sad. Age is just a number WHEN you get into your twenties. What was this guy thinking? He could be arrested for statutory rape. Must be love, huh? Sorry, some may disagree but a 14 year old does not realize the true meaning of sex. It's not just fun, and all about orgasms. It's about being close to the person you love, knowing that that love is returned. It's giving a part of yourself to the one you love.
  12. by   bethin
    Quote from LeahJet
    I once talked a woman through a trauma assessment on a cat.
    Did the cat make it?

    First thing I thought of when I read your post.
  13. by   inanna
    i can relate to the underwear thing. i've had an x-boyfriend who accused me of the same thing, cheating on him, because i had the normal female discharge in my panties that all women have. i was like, "are you stupid? didn't you know all women have a normal white discharge at times? he tried to tell me that i was lying and just making it all up. needless to say, that is why he is now an X-boyfriend!

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