phone calls no outsider would believe

Specialties Emergency

Published

Got a call the other night, demanding to know if a man could still have an erection when he was dead, if it happened automatically.

I told him that was not something I was going to answer, he demanded to know why I didn't know, wasn't I a nurse??!! Go get another nurse!!

Told him again, this is not something I was going to discuss with him, so he told me he would be reporting me to both our local newspapers!

What's yours?

Specializes in gen icu/ neuro icu/ trauma icu/hdu.
Just wondering...I'm not an ER nurse - still a student but I cringe whenever I see the recent asthma medication commercial. It is the one where the mother says "I called the hospital and told them 'get ready, my son is having a severe asthma attack'". All I can think of is people calling the ER saying 'get ready my husband is having a severe hang nail' etc.

Sure but it is nice to get prior warning for a cat 1 enroute (particularly kid with compramised airway (mind you calling for the ambulance would have been a smarter move)

Also worked in a remote rural location (1 RN 1 EN o/night staffing the hospital and ED) Sure was great to get the call to let me know when to unlock the place.

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Specializes in Rehab.

I graduate Summer '07 and am now convinced I have to work in the ER just for the phone calls ! :lol_hitti

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I used to take call for MD's. One night a woman called from the ER waiting room to ask me to call the ER and get her seen ahead of the crowd. She way over-estimated my influence!

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Actual patient - husband "eating" the Fun Size Snickers out of her ___ , the melting rate of the candy, exceeded the husbands appetite - so, panic over "lost" peanuts set in. 10 liters of lady partsl irrigation later the ER doc suggested to the hungry hubby (yep, he stayed for the whole sticky mess) that Milky Way bars may be a better choice. :idea: :)

OmG....LOL! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: I can't figure out what is funnier - the actual phone call or the doctor's advice!!!

~J

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Lol THESE ARE TOO FUNNY

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Specializes in LTC, Peds, CCU, HH, Rehab.

LMAO!

This is actually the first time I am posting. I usually just read and laugh to myself but I had to comment on this!

I used to work in the Communications Department at a local hospital and my main job was to answer the main phone lines, look up pt., page dr's, page emergencies, & connect callers to anywhere BUT the ER. Well I have heard some stories during my time there! One that sticks out;

CALLER: "Hi...I umm let my child drink bleach because she was curious about the taste & I am wondering what could happen in result of that?"

ME: "I am sorry but we can not give medical advice over the phone & we ask that you contact your doctor for any health related questions you may have."

CALLER: "Oh well I wouldn't want HIM to know...or actually he works in the ER...could you just connect me?"

ME: "I would but unfortunately all of our doctors in the ER are specifically hired as ER doctors and do not have patients of their own, if you would like to tell me who your PCP is then I would be glad to look him up and help you get a hold of him or whomever he is checked out to."

Needless to say she hung up.

Then there was another one...

CALLER: "Ya hi...I ummm was having sex with my girlfriend and decided not to use a condom...can I bring her up there for the morning after pill?"

I went through the whole ordeal as above with him and I remember him saying "Oh but I cant call her doctor because she is 14 and I am somewhere in my...ummm....20s." :no:

WOW. The worst part about this was the guy seriously sounded like he could be her father. Sick & sad.

Sorry mine are not as funny...

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Amen! Maybe she should have called her vet!!!:eek:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

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Usually when we answer the phone and someone starts with the "Can I talk to a nurse, I have a question" we just politely say "we can't answer medical questions, let me transfer you to ask a nurse" But for some reason this guy just sounded frantic...

him-my wife is having a baby and we need to find a good midwife.

Me...Have you tried "women's health associates"

him...yes, they aren't in today (keep in mind it is saturday at 5pm)

me...Well, give them a try on monday-they have some great midwifes.

him...I don't think we can wait that long, my wife decided today that she wants a home birth and her contractions are about 4minutes apart and her water just broke!

me...:smackingf sir? you need to hang up and either get her straight to the hospital or call 911.

him...She is really serious about not leaving. She watched a show on a home delivery and wants to have the baby in the bathtub. They showed the midwife come to the house and deliver the baby! She decided this would be the best way to give birth.

me...She decided that AT LEAST 3 months too late...PLEASE get your wife to the hospital.

I explained that no serious professional would even consider a home birth for a pt she JUST MET at 5 o'clock on a saturday night...He finally convinced her to get in the car...I have no idea what eventually happened.

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ooops...double post

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So, on a busy night in the ER I answer the phone, like an idiot. This woman asks if we do artificial insemination in the ER. I told her that this was not an emergent procedure, that she should call her PCP or OB, discuss it with them, and be referred to a fertility specialist. She said she didn't have a PCP or OB (CLUE!!!!!), and said that she and "the ol' man" had been trying for some time, and just wanted to have a baby. At this point, I just wanted her off the phone, so I suggested that she look in the phone book for a fertility specialist and contact him for an appointment. (Here's the punchline.) She says "Great idea, how do you spell "fertility"? Classic ER phone call.

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Specializes in peds, OB/L&D, ER and peds ER.

Hi Guys---Back in the 70s when I worked in the Johns Hopkins Pediatric ER we had MANY volumes of ridiculous/audacious calls on the poison control phone as well as regular phone. Being a teaching institution, pediatric interns rotated through monthly. Some of these docs were not very street smart, having had their heads in textbooks for a long time. One of my favorite calls that I witnessed went as follows: Caller-Hey, doc, our baby ate my girlfriend's diaphragm: what we gonna do? Intern-What do you MEAN the infant ATE your diaphragm?!?! Caller-He's 2 years and has teeth and he ate the diaphragm; now what're we gonna do? Intern-Well, you'll have to watch his stool and check for it to come out the other end. Check through it and it should show up in a day or two. Caller-Yeah, but what 're we gonna DO, doc? Intern-I tell you, he'll pass the thing. If he doesn't, bring him in and we'll x-ray him to locate it. Caller-Yeah, doc, but what're WE gonna DO???.......... Never dull!-----Patrice in Alaska

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Specializes in ER, ALF.
Just wondering...I'm not an ER nurse - still a student but I cringe whenever I see the recent asthma medication commercial. It is the one where the mother says "I called the hospital and told them 'get ready, my son is having a severe asthma attack'". All I can think of is people calling the ER saying 'get ready my husband is having a severe hang nail' etc.

OMFG... seriously! I hate the commercials anymore today. People self-diagnose too much, or they sit there(ala jeff foxworthy's wife) and think they have whatever malady this drug treats. It gets really frustrating. Just over the past couple of weeks, we have had an elderly lady come in SEVERAL times for generalized malaise but comes in and DEMANDS to see a few docs who are not even on call. Just a totally frustrating situation... People

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