Best ER Nurse quotes

Specialties Emergency

Published

To the loudly snoring ETOHer found in an Auto Repair Shop: "Maybe she needs her air filter changed."

To the drug seeker throwing out his best pseudo-seizure: "Sir, that's not a seizure. Stop shaking." Response by pt: Immediately sits straight up and says, "I'm fine... sometimes that happens."

From security guard to combative ETOHer being introduced to his very first Foley: "Just relax and enjoy it!"

Triage nurse note: "Pt presents with L wrist pain, fell while off-road unicycling."

Charge nurse to triage nurse: "I think that 'member suture removal' needs to be upgraded to a level 1."

I think this could turn into a good thread. :wink2:

Specializes in Emergency, Critical Care (CEN, CCRN).

Elderly diabetic dementia patient came in via EMS for ALOC r/t hypoglycemia (why the nursing facility staff couldn't have attempted some oral glucose before calling 911, I have no idea). When she arrived on our team, she was perseverating badly, repeating "Why am I here? When can I go home?" over and over. We explained to her repeatedly that she was in the Emergency Center for low blood sugar, which made no impression - she just continued to repeat "When can I go home?"

One of the medics decided to be a smart-ass and replied "In 30 minutes or it's free." Not a smart thing to say to a dementia patient, as she immediately started perseverating that...

"30 minutes or it's free! 30 minutes or it's free! 30 minutes or it's free!"

For the rest of the night, we answered our phones by saying "Thank you for calling Domino's EC, home of the thirty-minute guarantee!"

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Specializes in Emergency.

My personal favorite line which is surprisingly effective with folks who are reluctant to provide a urine sample is to walk into the room with a cup in one hand and a cath kit in the other, hold 'em up and say:

"we need a sample. You can provide it or we're going in after it. We don't need much but we need something."

The usual response is they want the cup and 5 minutes later, I have my sample.

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Specializes in Emergency, Critical Care (CEN, CCRN).

I've done that before too. Works like a charm. I've also used the reverse trick on patients who want to be cathed for, ahem, reasons of personal gratification.

"It's our department policy that genitourinary procedures are done by same-gender staff, so Joe here will be doing your cath..."

"Uh, right. Could I have a cup, please? I think I can go by myself."

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Specializes in EMS, ED, Trauma, CEN, CPEN, TCRN.

I love how the magical cup of water can make someone produce about 80 ml of urine in about five minutes, after they swear up and down that their bladder is like a desert. :D

My favorite recent exchange ...

Registration: "The self-pay co-pay is $400. How would you like to take care of that today?"

Patient/frequent flyer: "$400???? That's crazy!!"

RN: "The walk to the door is free."

:D

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Specializes in burn ICU, SICU, ER, Trauma Rapid Response.

RN: Here let me help you stand up, wouldn't want you to fall.

ETOH patient: Ya I might get hurt.

RN: Well that and it's an UNBELIVABLE amount of paper work for me if you fall.

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Specializes in ED.

From an ER doc entering the room on an EMS code blue pt: "Yep, he sure is dead." After which he turned and calmly walked out of the room.

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Specializes in Emergency Nursing, Cardiology.

First time I assisted with rapid sequence intubation. My adrenaline was flowing. I drew up all the meds, finished giving etomidate and was about to give the succinylcholine. I said, "I've always wanted to give succs!"

Everyone paused, the room got quiet, then everyone started laughing at the same time (except the patient). I was horrified, but laughed about it later. You never forget your first RSI!

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We have a husband and wife who are frequent flyers. One night the husband came in for coffee ground emesis. The wife was wearing a pair of hospital pants we had given her THE NIGHT BEFORE. It seemed that throughout the day she had used the "bathroom" without ever pulling her pants down. She kept asking her husband for his pants because they were cleaner. We had given her numerous gowns, pants, blankets, etc. during her frequent visits to our ED so the charge nurse refused to give her yet another pair of pants. Another nurse explained to the wife "You are given just so many pairs of pants in your life. Don't s*** in them!" Wife looked at her husband and said in a hoorifice whisper "I hope you diiiiieeee." Obviously she didn't grasp what the nurse was saying.

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Specializes in ED, L&D, ICU, Charge.

"My (narcotic) fell in the toliet." When will they stop storing them there? ;)

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Specializes in ER.

From my ER doc, "Prostatitis is the common cold of the pelvis."

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We had an older couple last week - wife was the patient, and husband couldn't seem to go 5 minutes without tottering out to the nurses desk for SOMETHING. Coffee, a sandwhich, a warm blanket, all one request at a time. As the doctor was writing up her dispo, he came back out to ask for an ice water for his wife, a coffee for himself, to which our charge nurse responded, "Have a seat sir, your waiter will be right with you!"

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Specializes in ICU, ER.

My favorite thing to say to the medicaid mom who brings (via EMS, of course) the youngest of their brood to the ER with "troble breath".

Me: Mom, do you smoke?

Mom: Yes, but we never smoke in the same room as him.

Me: So, if we are in a pool together, is it okay if I swim to the other side and poop?

It's amazing to see that even the least educated have "light-bulb" moments.

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