I have been working as a CNA for almost 2 months. About 2 weeks ago I had a resident die. That was the first time I accually had that happen to me on my shift. I have never seen anyone die, and only had 1 great grandma die in my recent memory.
I knew that the resident was going to die any day. I could feel it. Everyone else said that she just had a UTI, that they all act like that when they get uti's. I disagreed. She was 93 years old. Anyway, when I began my shift at 11pm I went to go check on her because she had just gotten back from the hospital and she had a folley cath. put in. When I went in her room, she was sleeping (first time in 3 days) but her breathing was very forced and had a gurggley sound to it. It also smelled like she had a bm, wich she never used to do in her pants. We checked in on her every 10-15 mins that night.
Around 3am I was toileting another resident when the other CNA came in the room and said that I better come and check on this one patient
, she said that she was cold and had white foamy stuff comming out of her mouth. I grabbed the vitals kit, but knew I didnt need them. I went in her room and instantly knew she was dead. She was pale white, cold to the touch and I couldnt find a pulse. From there we called 911, they came, hooked her up, verified that she was dead, then the med examiner came, the family, then the funeral home took her away.
Ever since this happened, I have been thinking about death and dying. Mostly when I cant get to sleep. I get scared at work a lot now. I work 3rd shift, and I am always hearing things, or seeing things that scare me. I think her death did something to me. I am not thinking about her lifeless body, its more a mental picture of her lying there, taking those gurgly last breaths. We had to wipe the foamy stuff off of her mouth before the family went in to see her, The other CNA handed me a washcloth, I told her that I couldnt do it. I kept thinking she was just going to jump up and be alive again.
Will all this go away with time?
Do you ever get used to it?
Thanks for listening to me!