Dealing with family complaints

Nursing Students CNA/MA

Published

Here is the current issue I am dealing with as a recently certified nursing assistant. I accepted a job from a major company in a skilled nursing facility, it's a bit of a shady place when it comes to a lot of issues that are presently there. I've been seeing a lot of things going on, that shouldn't be going on, I've reported things, but not too much has been done. I've been looking for another job, but I as a new CNA, nothing offers me the good hours and the good pay I have at this job.

Anyways, we had a meeting last week about a family complaint. A family member said that a CNA was toileting, and changing her mother without using gloves. The meeting was just basically saying, that if there's ever a family member present, and you're going to provide care, ask them to leave because of the patients right to privacy, unless the patient says they can stay, and if that situation comes up, to always get someone else in the room as a witness. I said to myself, "that's a little bit gross, who changes someone's brief without using gloves?" Although where I work is a bit shady, I really honestly don't see someone not using gloves while changing a dirty brief.

Later that day my supervisor came up to me, and asked me where my gait belt was. When I was trained, the person that trained me, lifted someone without using a gait belt, and I asked her where her gait belt was, she said she never uses one, and she didn't know where to get one. She has worked there for two years. There's usually one down by the nurse's station, but that day I didn't grab it.

My supervisor says to me, "I swear to god if I get in trouble for you guys not doing your jobs correctly..." A patient was in the hallway, and she asked the patient if anyone ever put one of them on her. The patient said, "that goes on your foot, right?" which made me giggle because it pointed out to me my supervisor was clueless as to which patients were mentally functional and which ones weren't.

My supervisor goes on to say, she was putting a particular gait belt in the patient's room, so everyone knew to use that gait belt on her.

I said to myself, okay, well, when I went to school, I was taught how to use a gait belt, so I should do everything the way I was taught, but at the same time, the person that trained me, had worked there for two years, and didn't know where one was, so this issue in my opinion should have been fixed a long time ago, not when a family member complains, so they can cover themselves up.

Now, keep in mind the family members are a little bit demanding when it comes to how they want things, which is fine, because I can understand their frustration, of their mother being sick and all that.

We gave her a brand new chair to suit her needs, special cream to help her itchiness. We moved furniture over(there's two to a room) so they could have extra room, so they could put a chair beside the bed for them to sit down.

The other day, her family members were there, and I made it a point to tell them that I didn't want to bother them, so whenever they were ready to leave to let me know, so I could get her ready for bed, to avoid providing care while the family member was there.

She let me know her mother was ready for bed, and when I entered the room, they were complaining about her new wheelchair and how big it was, and asking why she needed that particular gait belt. I said, that if there were any questions to ask my supervisor. She than left, I gathered my supplies to prepare her for bed...and the gait belt had gone missing. I checked all her drawers, dressers, bathroom, even her roommates drawers and dressers. I notified my nurse, and wrote a letter to my supervisor.

I said to the patient, "where's your gait belt?"

she said, "what's that?"

I said, "you know that thing that I put around you when I pick you up?"

She said "My daughter took it."

I said, "where'd she put it?"

She said, "I don't know."

Weather or not her account of what she saw was correct or incorrect in unknown to me. But this is very frustrating, because I have a strange feeling, that this family member is trying to get me in trouble for whatever reason it is. I feel like she took it because she didn't want her mother to use it, after she made all these complaints.

I called the CNA who worked during the day shift to try and figure out at what time this gait belt went missing, I'm not trying to jump to conclusions. There was no response. But she obviously at some point during my shift, saw this gait belt.

Has anybody else had to deal with family members like this? Possibly trying to lye about nurse's or CNAs?

Can anybody tell me some personal experiences they went through, and how they handled it? Any responses would be great.

I recently got written up and suspended because of an issue with a family member. A resident in the Alzheimer's unit (known for throwing away her dentures, taking off her brief, pooping on other resident's beds and smearing it all over the walls, etc) had lost her dentures. My partner that day and I looked everywhere for them. Our lunch time came, I left, and when I came back from lunch, my partner went on break. While she was gone, this particular resident's daughter came in. She asked me where her mother's dentures were. I told her how we had looked for them and couldn't find them. She was ****** off.

A few minutes later, it was time to pass lunch trays and my partner came back from lunch. The daughter stormed out of her mother's room, holding her mother's dentures, screaming at me. She called me lazy, she called me a liar, she got in my face. My partner had found her dentures while I was at lunch. The resident wouldn't let her put them in, so she put them in their cup in the bathroom cabinet.

My partner tried to explain this, multiple times, to the family member, but she ignored her and kept yelling at me. I was dumbstruck. I apologized for the confusion, but she kept yelling. So I just kept passing the trays for lunch. The nurse had come in to pass meds in the middle of it, and she just ignored the whole episode. I asked her to talk to the family member, and she told me to just keep my mouth shut.

The family member went to complain to the administrator that her mother had been neglected, and I was given three day's suspension to appease her.

I hate where I work.

Specializes in LTC, Home Health, Hospice.

I hear each and every one of you loud and clear! boy do these stories bring back memories. I had this one patient, He, end stage alz. in a SNF, the wife a MENSA speaker (bright individuals..so they say, almost all have phd's in something) any how, the wife would come in at 4 pm daily, ask her husband who always says no if he had lunch...NO...are you wet..no...do you want to go outside...no. get the pic. when dinner came she expected us to feed him by him self in the room so he could eat in peace, then complained that the food was cold or looked bad (she is right there, she could feed him) then when it was time to get him ready for bed, she STUCK HER FINGERS UP HIS RECTUM TO ENCOURAGE A BM....she did this every night. Then she would complain that we were not encouraging him to have a bm...ummm lady his bowls work fine I would say, he has a bm every night that I am there, at 4 am..clock work, there is no need for digital stimulation. She said that she knows more than the Nurses and she is gonna do it her way....I wanted to say, well then take him home with you and do it your self!

Specializes in Med-Surg/urology.

Why are family members so mean? I thought they would be thankful we are providing care to their loved ones.

Why are family members so mean? I thought they would be thankful we are providing care to their loved ones.

Guilt.

Specializes in LTC, Home Health, Hospice.

Unfortunatley, I've been on the family side of the bed, with both of my Grandmothers which is why I choose to stay at the Hospital with my Gmas 24-7. I know Nurses are busy, they have many things to tend to. So, I stayed. One evening though, I left for an hour, had to get out of ICU. I needed a quick break, needed to walk and think things through. Told Gma, gonna put the restraints back on you, Im gonna leave for a walk. when I get back, I will take them off. Gma nodded with agreement. I condfirmed with her that I was going to the beach, she shook her head NO, then I said walk, she nodded yes. She had been intubated for 8 days. She was coherent, but emphasema got the best of her and we were waiting for cxr, labs etc to decide what direction to go next, not a pleasant thing to do. Any how, the nurses knew me and my aunt, one of us was always there, and were caring. This one night, when I left, they decided to give my Grandma ativan, IV push for agitation, when I returned, the activity that my Gma had was gone, I asked what happened, why didnt you call me..what did you give her. they told me that she was agitated and they tried to calm her down, but could not so they gave her the meds...HUH?...upon further examination of my G'ma, I discovered she had a BM, when I brought that to their attention they said...oh did she?....after that ativan adminstration, my Grandma never came out of the coma and subsequently died. So what do you do? What does a Family Nurse member do? I helped...I was there. I did the work so they would not have to...all they had to do was chart. I turned, I medicated at the requested intervals, I calmed my Gma, I did rom, I bathed..why? can someone answer that.?

G'ma #2...Im her DPOA, in Calif, she in Pennslyvania. we had no choice but to place her in a snf. It came time to talk Hospice placement (I hated to hear those words) so I had to fly to Penn. Meet with the fam there who was lookin over her, meet with the md, then discuss placement. We decided on in home hospice, ie Hospice at the SNF, they were to come in 5 days a week to provide intermittent care, I know this. I do it. One day I decide to go visit my Gma, by my self, I need quality time, no one else around, just her and me. I hear this lady howling down the hall..is that my Gma? whats up? I go and there she is, balled us on the foot of the bed, she is a quad, she had a stroke that took everything away but her ability to moan, groan, grunt, yell, cry. The curtain was pulled way down, so no one could see her when passing by. No one even went to check on her, I assumed by the way she looked. Her diaper had yellow/brown ring..way large with bm smear. Face had food all over it. What the heck? I pushed the call button, no one came, went to get the Nurse, she and 4 others were sitting there talking about their up n coming weekend. I said dont you hear the call light for room?...they had the nerve to tell me that it is always going off. that patient is always wanting something...I said Huh? do you know about that patient? have you read the chart? why dont you come with tme to see this patient who happens to by my Grandmother...they refused to! I called the DON and Admin to come at once to see how my Gma had been taken care of and what the Nurses had said to me...did I like getting them into trouble NO WAY, but what was I to do. No one would have been able to get my grandma straightned out by them selves she was that bad. I was never the i know it all nurse granddaughter from ca that only comes to complain...It took 4 of us to get my Grandma cleaned up and pain free. I was a frequent visitor there, I did all I could whenI was there, they would not allow me to sleep there, so I was there during the day. ONe day I had to take care of paper work for her so I was not able to come in, I advised the staff that I would not be able to come in, but would be in the next day and thanked them all with cookies n soda for helpin over the past 10 days. Well, I finished my paper work earlier than planned and my uncle (her son) said lets go see Momma, ok, Im game, Im tired, but Ill go. Once again we find her in the same predicament...almost the same positioning. I moved her out of there 3 days later. She passed 13 days after I moved her from an infected stage 4 decub to the cocycx region that went MRSA and traveled to her kidneys. My Grandma, who I am named after, died a horrible painful death.

I had always vowed to never ever treat anyone like that from the day I got my nursing license. I always vowed to treat my patients like they were my family.

So, kudos to you that are out there, taking good care of the Family. I love each and everyone of you.

One day...you many be on the Family side of the bed, Its hard, because we know..we know the difference, I never expected first class service, but did expect dignity.

Specializes in Med-Surg/urology.
Unfortunatley, I've been on the family side of the bed, with both of my Grandmothers which is why I choose to stay at the Hospital with my Gmas 24-7. I know Nurses are busy, they have many things to tend to. So, I stayed. One evening though, I left for an hour, had to get out of ICU. I needed a quick break, needed to walk and think things through. Told Gma, gonna put the restraints back on you, Im gonna leave for a walk. when I get back, I will take them off. Gma nodded with agreement. I condfirmed with her that I was going to the beach, she shook her head NO, then I said walk, she nodded yes. She had been intubated for 8 days. She was coherent, but emphasema got the best of her and we were waiting for cxr, labs etc to decide what direction to go next, not a pleasant thing to do. Any how, the nurses knew me and my aunt, one of us was always there, and were caring. This one night, when I left, they decided to give my Grandma ativan, IV push for agitation, when I returned, the activity that my Gma had was gone, I asked what happened, why didnt you call me..what did you give her. they told me that she was agitated and they tried to calm her down, but could not so they gave her the meds...HUH?...upon further examination of my G'ma, I discovered she had a BM, when I brought that to their attention they said...oh did she?....after that ativan adminstration, my Grandma never came out of the coma and subsequently died. So what do you do? What does a Family Nurse member do? I helped...I was there. I did the work so they would not have to...all they had to do was chart. I turned, I medicated at the requested intervals, I calmed my Gma, I did rom, I bathed..why? can someone answer that.?

G'ma #2...Im her DPOA, in Calif, she in Pennslyvania. we had no choice but to place her in a snf. It came time to talk Hospice placement (I hated to hear those words) so I had to fly to Penn. Meet with the fam there who was lookin over her, meet with the md, then discuss placement. We decided on in home hospice, ie Hospice at the SNF, they were to come in 5 days a week to provide intermittent care, I know this. I do it. One day I decide to go visit my Gma, by my self, I need quality time, no one else around, just her and me. I hear this lady howling down the hall..is that my Gma? whats up? I go and there she is, balled us on the foot of the bed, she is a quad, she had a stroke that took everything away but her ability to moan, groan, grunt, yell, cry. The curtain was pulled way down, so no one could see her when passing by. No one even went to check on her, I assumed by the way she looked. Her diaper had yellow/brown ring..way large with bm smear. Face had food all over it. What the heck? I pushed the call button, no one came, went to get the Nurse, she and 4 others were sitting there talking about their up n coming weekend. I said dont you hear the call light for room?...they had the nerve to tell me that it is always going off. that patient is always wanting something...I said Huh? do you know about that patient? have you read the chart? why dont you come with tme to see this patient who happens to by my Grandmother...they refused to! I called the DON and Admin to come at once to see how my Gma had been taken care of and what the Nurses had said to me...did I like getting them into trouble NO WAY, but what was I to do. No one would have been able to get my grandma straightned out by them selves she was that bad. I was never the i know it all nurse granddaughter from ca that only comes to complain...It took 4 of us to get my Grandma cleaned up and pain free. I was a frequent visitor there, I did all I could whenI was there, they would not allow me to sleep there, so I was there during the day. ONe day I had to take care of paper work for her so I was not able to come in, I advised the staff that I would not be able to come in, but would be in the next day and thanked them all with cookies n soda for helpin over the past 10 days. Well, I finished my paper work earlier than planned and my uncle (her son) said lets go see Momma, ok, Im game, Im tired, but Ill go. Once again we find her in the same predicament...almost the same positioning. I moved her out of there 3 days later. She passed 13 days after I moved her from an infected stage 4 decub to the cocycx region that went MRSA and traveled to her kidneys. My Grandma, who I am named after, died a horrible painful death.

I had always vowed to never ever treat anyone like that from the day I got my nursing license. I always vowed to treat my patients like they were my family.

So, kudos to you that are out there, taking good care of the Family. I love each and everyone of you.

One day...you many be on the Family side of the bed, Its hard, because we know..we know the difference, I never expected first class service, but did expect dignity.

First off , I offer condolences to you for your loss.

Its sad that some LTC facilities are like that. I too worked in a facility that was like the one you described. But I did not get into the cliques that were there. No, I'm there to do a job & care for my residents. Period. No one wanted to answer their call lights & they disappeared for hours.Often times I had to perform two person lifts by myself just because no one wanted to help. Out of the two months I was there I only took a real break(and by real I mean, I'm not on the floor) twice. I think its disgusting & sad that all the money these facilities receive from Medicare, family,etc..that they are so poorly run.

Specializes in LTC, Home Health, Hospice.

Thanks mizzkimberly....Gma Number one, Nora passed away Jan 11, 2006, Gma Number 2, jAnna passed away August 12, 2008....

keep up the good work. I appreciate all you do.

I understand about the break thing, I dont think i ever took a break when I worked, except to use the restroom...does that count.

Specializes in Med/Surg, Peds, Cardiothoracic/Stepdown.

I love it when patient's families make up lies.... ha ha NOT! Such as " I have been trying to talk with a doctor since Fri" (and it's Wednesday the following week. After being with for father for 12 hours yesterday, you did not say anything to the RN.) It gets better folks! After I explained that surgeon has already been in for the day and you can talk with the PA who are on the floor all the time and bring the PA to the bedside to talk with the family. The family member leaves and /or acts rushed to leave and wants to be called on the phone. Then another visitor comes and complains about the same thing. The I grab the PA to talk with the visitor. I understanding families are stressed but please prioritize better!

I had this one family who was plainly trying to start something at the facility by incorrectly telling another family information. So given the information the other family member comes in mad. So after correcting the family member who is a nurse, I explained that I did not state that to her mother and I actually offered other alternatives for the family but they declined. Then also makes a comment about the patient's breif not being changed so this nurse being upset started changing her brief and at that present time the patient was still moving her bowels then realized we were providing good care to her loved one. Both of the family members spent less than an hour combined. Please be informed before making false accusations.:nurse:

Specializes in Med/Surg, Peds, Cardiothoracic/Stepdown.
I recently got written up and suspended because of an issue with a family member. A resident in the Alzheimer's unit (known for throwing away her dentures, taking off her brief, pooping on other resident's beds and smearing it all over the walls, etc) had lost her dentures. My partner that day and I looked everywhere for them. Our lunch time came, I left, and when I came back from lunch, my partner went on break. While she was gone, this particular resident's daughter came in. She asked me where her mother's dentures were. I told her how we had looked for them and couldn't find them. She was ****** off.

A few minutes later, it was time to pass lunch trays and my partner came back from lunch. The daughter stormed out of her mother's room, holding her mother's dentures, screaming at me. She called me lazy, she called me a liar, she got in my face. My partner had found her dentures while I was at lunch. The resident wouldn't let her put them in, so she put them in their cup in the bathroom cabinet.

My partner tried to explain this, multiple times, to the family member, but she ignored her and kept yelling at me. I was dumbstruck. I apologized for the confusion, but she kept yelling. So I just kept passing the trays for lunch. The nurse had come in to pass meds in the middle of it, and she just ignored the whole episode. I asked her to talk to the family member, and she told me to just keep my mouth shut.

The family member went to complain to the administrator that her mother had been neglected, and I was given three day's suspension to appease her.

I hate where I work.

Find another job, you don't need to deal with a facility who responds in this nature. You are a valuable resource.

+ Add a Comment