Your last day in the ER, what will you say to some of those patients, who ask the stupidest quetions. What would you like to say when there is no more fear of getting into trouble.
Q. pt asks how long is the wait.
A. Hang around and find out,duhhhhhh
Q what is the doctor going to do????
A. whatever it is, I am sure you desreve it
Q. Do I have to wait much longer
A no, you can leave anytime you want
Q is it going to hurt
A Im sure it is.
Q how much longer before I get called back
A there is a 30 minute penalty everytime you ask me that question.
Q. Will my cut leave a scar
A yes, duhhhhhhh
Q. How long before I get my shot
A I am waiting for it to be delivered from Egypt
Q how do I take this pill
A rectally
Q how do I take this suppositiry
A orally
Q do you take my insurance
A if I say no will you go away
Q I know the sign says no cell phones back here, does
that include me?????
A YES, who did you think it meant, dummie!!!!
Q everytime I turn around to look at my heart monitor it jumps all over the place, am I all right.
A, No !! its trying to tell you that if you move again you will die certainly.
Q is he going to be able to play soccer.
A, I dont know can he now.
What gems have you ever thought of saying, to some of the questions pts ask.
To the drunk patient that I was drawing blood on who so tenderly reached up and grabbed and held onto my breast..rather than calmly saying "Sir, if you don't let go of my breast I am going to push this needle through your arm since there is no way I am going to get stuck with a dirty needle". I would have pushed the needle all of the way in and grabbed him by the ba**s..carried him by the ba**s to the front door and flung him outside...okay we are dreaming here and no one said we couldn't have super human strength!!
As it was he did let go and started crying and said, "I am such a drunk a**hole" to which I calmly replied.."Yes, I agree..you are a drunk a**hole..:)
I really enjoy the drug addicts who come in for whatever pain related issue. When you ask if they have taken anything for the pain, they tell you, "Oh I don't believe in taking medicine. I can only smile and look at it this way. This persons stupidity is MY job security. What would you like for pain? Care for a turkey sandwich and Sprite while you are waiting?
so much about the ER I don't miss, & I think you all have hit on all of them, esp. the part about the cigs, sodas, & chips ---when their kid has a fever & "they can't afford tylenol"....grrrrrrrrr! (did I say Walmart is 1 block from the ER I worked in? open 24/7)...
My last day would have choice words, also, but I would have to direct them to administration, upper management, stupid er docs and units that can't take the patient now becuase the nurse is "on break". Somedays, I don't think there actually would be WORDS, actions really do speak loudly! Most of the actions would be only to have them work two shifts from freaking hell in the ED. Some would get more...:)
I really enjoy the drug addicts who come in for whatever pain related issue. When you ask if they have taken anything for the pain, they tell you, "Oh I don't believe in taking medicine. I can only smile and look at it this way. This persons stupidity is MY job security. What would you like for pain? Care for a turkey sandwich and Sprite while you are waiting?
No offense, but we're being taught in nursing school that "pain is what the pt says it is" I work in an ER, so I have seen my fair share of drug addicts coming in "seeking" (or at least it seems that way) However, who are we to say that drug addicts don't have pain?
Anyway, I agree with the ones who come in "sick" and then go out to smoke. Drives me CRAZY!! I've seen my fair share of those who are SOB, chest pain, etc. and the first thing they ask when I tell them to have a seat after I register them is "Do I have time to go outside and smoke?" Of course, I always tell them that "the waiting room encompasses the inside area and the nurses WILL NOT come look for you if you don't hear your name called. They'll move on to sicker people and you're name will go to the "end of the line" to be called back to a room"
Most of the time, they just look at me like I'm crazy and go outside and smoke anyway!!!!
I am still a student, havnt worked in ED but I have to add to the commentary. I have a distant relative, hes early 20s and very messed up individual. He goes to the ED regularly to get drugs. I am always asking my sister (who knows him better than me) what does he do? She said once he came in there with a gun being very beligerent and that they sedated him just becuase they thought he was going to hurt someone and he may have I imagine. She says he generally comes in talking nonesense and telling them that he is going to hurt himself or someone else if he does not get a shot. I think he has also done the fake seizures too. I am so amazed that he gets meds most every time he does this and he hasnt been sent to jail or a psych ward. I dont know quite how EDs handle this sort of situation but kudos to you guys for what you have to go through. It is sad that they ruin it for people who might be in legitimate pain though.
When my least liked frequent flyer comes in with a sore throat that is a 10/10 on the pain scale, I would put his thumb on the overbed table, hit it as hard as I can with a hammer, then say: That was a 10/10...tell me again the number for your sore throat??
:roll :roll :roll :roll :roll
Please, please, please can we include the ones who look at me blankly and say, "Well, I don't know...... 8 or 9 maybe??"
Most of the actions would be only to have them work two shifts from freaking hell in the ED. Some would get more...:)
MAGIK GIRL
299 Posts
how about just "we were all in the nurses station making fun of you!":devil: