This is my first post after many years of reading allnurses posts written by others. I'll give a brief background on myself... I've been an RN for 11 years, working in both the OR and home health. I never had any interest in critical care nursing as I know how sensitive I am and that I would likely not be able to cope with amount of loss associated with critical care. With that said, I'm having a hard time coming to terms with my grief over a recent incident that occurred outside of work and I'm hoping someone can offer some advice.
Six days ago, I was visiting my cousin and her new baby at their home. We were sitting in her living room, which overlooks her backyard as well as the backyard of her neighbor. Her neighbor has a large inground pool and there were 4 children (teens) playing and swimming around the pool while an older woman sat and watched them. At one point I glanced out the window and noticed that the older woman appeared to be attempting chest compressions on one of the children who was laying on the ground but she obviously didn't know CPR and was frantically screaming for someone to help her. I took off out of my cousins home, jumped over the fence between the two yards and began assessing the young boy. He was not breathing and had no pulse so I immediately began CPR. Between breaths, while doing chest compressions, I attempted to gather information from the woman, who turned out to be the boy's grandmother.
Me: "What happened? Did you call 911?"
Grandmother: "I don't know! He said he couldn't breathe and then just collapsed! Yes I called"
Me: "Any health problems?"
Grandmother: "He had heart surgery when he was born but he's been fine since then!"
Me: "How old is he?"
Grandmother: "10"
And so on... After a couple of minutes of CPR, the boy took a few shallow breathes on his own and I was able to feel a weak pulse. I rolled him onto his side hopeful he would regain consciousness but as soon as I did this, his breathing and pulse stopped. I then resumed CPR until EMTs arrived about 10-15 minutes later. I stayed with the family for about 30 minutes after the ambulance left, attempting to comfort the other children that were present- his 13 year old sister and 13 & 15 year old male cousins. The boy's aunt arrived at the house just before the ambulance left and was also comforting her sons and niece. I left my phone number with the aunt and asked her if she could update me on his condition when she knew more which she promised to do. I then returned to my cousin's home briefly before heading home. Later that evening, I got a call from the boy's aunt informing me that the boy never regained consciousness and died in the ER. I offered my heartfelt condolences and my support in any way needed. When I hung up the phone, I fell apart, sobbing uncontrollably for a long time. I felt like a failure- even though I know that's not a logical reaction. And now, 6 days later, I can't seem to let this go. I think about it constantly and wonder if I could've done more or done something differently. I really want to reach out to his family but I'm not sure if I should. I would like to know if there was an underlying cause of death that was beyond my control. I want to know if his sister is ok and the other 2 boys that were there. I would like to meet his mother and father since they weren't at the scene and tell them how sorry I am that I couldn't save their baby.... I just want to be at peace with this but I don't know how.
He didn't die after you did CPR. CPR is only done on dead people. He was a child and he was dead for at least a few minutes before you arrived.
CPR works less than 10 percent of the time when not in a hospital setting. Being there was a delay in starting iy would have been nearly unbelievable if he recovered.
I'm so sorry. I know kind of how you feel--I spent years in a Level 2 PICU and have participated in several unsuccessful resuscitations (and a few successful ones--yay!). Nothing but time makes it feel any better for me--it just always feels wrong when children die, like they were cheated out of their chance at life. And nurses usually go into the profession to help, to save, to be heroes; when we give it our best and it doesn't work, we sometimes feel like failures.
But you were there for him, and you did all you could. It's awesome that you jumped in and tried. Trust me, no one blames you--I'm sure the family is more than grateful for your efforts. Keep reminding yourself that you're not a miracle worker--you're just a good, caring nurse who's not afraid to jump in and give it her all against the odds; I'm proud of you--be proud of yourself.
I agree with other posts. As a former CPR instructor, I had many people question me when I would give the statistics for CPR survival. They're abysmal in the field, and not that great in the hospital.
This wasn't a witnessed event. You don't know how long the child was down before grandma noticed, how long before she got him to the stable surface, and how long her efforts were before you took over. The rate of survival drops every minute.
You said you performed CPR for over 10 minutes? This child was in a bad situation. Given that timing, I would guess that the EMS didn't have many runs with children on board either.
It sounds like you did everything you were supposed to do. I wish we could give you a real hug. Doing CPR on a child is never a situation that anyone wants to be in. I've been there and it didn't go well any of the times I did it.
I don't agree with calling the family, or making other contact yet. Your grief is still too fresh, and so is theirs. Let them approach you.
I also agree you need to talk to someone about what happened. It really does help. I did CPR on a 16 year old boy a few years ago whom I had helped draget out of his car, no seat belt, head-on collision at about 60 mph each car. No skid marks. Boy had a flail chest. Our ER doc did a post-mortem CT. It was ugly, but he was able to help all of us who worked on the boy afterwards see that while we did everything, we were fighting a lost battle.
Specializes in Huntingtons, LTC, Ortho, Acute Care.
I'm so sorry that happened to you... There was nothing more you could have done. You were in a private home there was no crash cart or AED you did basic first aid to the best of your ability.
A word of caution though, I would be careful identifying myself as a nurse if I were you. Their greif can either be sad but thankful you tried, or angry you couldn't save the child. And if you meet them don't say you're sorry you didn't do more, leaves the door open for them to question what screw up you did... Even if you didn't.
Deep down you know and we all know how that family is "doing". Their world and lives are upside down. Don't let your quest for your own personal closure intrude on a family's time of greif. The family has your info, they called you to tell you he didn't make it. I honestly don't feel you are owed much more from that family right now. If it's a public funeral certainly go but don't pry when a wound is so fresh.
To be honest when my father passed away a couple of his ICU nurses were at his funeral. I understood why they were there, but didn't like the idea or felt comfortable with it, as much as I love the care they gave him and my family as a whole... I still mentally associated them with the loss of my dearest best friend, and I know they fought tooth and nail for a better outcome.
You need to let go of the things you cannot change, which is hard. Every nurse is guilty of a few deaths haunting them, but please... Don't question yourself or your skills, you did the right thing. If you over analyze you'll never get past this.
You did your best to help the situation. His death is not your fault. If the family did not request a autopsy they have accepted the fact that his heart was the cause of death. I am sure they understand that you did your best under the situation. Seek out counseling to help you cope with the lose.
I'm so sorry, for the boy, obviously, but for you too. And all others involved. You've got my sympathy. I had an equally-horrible incident at work a ways back, where I did everything I knew to do, others helped, or tried to help, and it wasn't enough.
Specializes in SIV/VMER Nurse [Portugal], SubAcute [US].
I can relate to this OP oh how I feel for you. I go through this so often being a critic care trauma and LTC nurse and I am sensitive too. My therapist. Calls it ptsd-esque symptoms. I wish I had answer for you because I need one too. I bring work home with me on off time and sad I feel so much. I can't give advice for better but I relate I am sorry
I know it's been a long time since I posted this and I'm sorry it took so long for me to respond! I just want to thank you all for your kind words and support! I did not attend the boy's funeral but I did send his father a message on Facebook just stating that I was at the scene and wanted to extend my condolences; he replied, thanking me for helping (his sister had told him my name and about the CPR prior to my message) and sent me friend request on Facebook. It felt good to at least see some of their happy family photos and see his father's posts as he continues to go on day to day. Although this experience will always remain with me, the acute devastation has subsided. But I will always carry him in my heart â¤ï¸
DPalmieri
10 Posts
I'm sorry you had to experience this and hope you find peace in your heart knowing that you did what you could. I will keep you in my prayers!