I am friends with a very impulsive friend who is a dedicated RN. She is friendly with a person who seems to feel that my friend is her handmaiden nurse. This person is very well off, has a HUGE house, both, she and her husband make over $400,000 per year. When "Ms. Rich" was pregnant and on bedrest, she called my friend to come visit and when my friend got there, Ms. Rich wants to go shopping, saying "I'll be okay with you because you are an RN". This set warning bells through me and I told my friend that I would beware, because this woman expects superhuman intervention if something happens to her. She went anyhow, no incident involved. There are a few more stories like this, where she seems to think that my friend is her wet nurse, basically, and I feel that people like this are trouble.
Now, close to a year later, Ms. Rich's mother is diagnosed with lung cancer and is admitted to a rehab center or nursing home, I believe. My friend goes with Ms. Rich often to visit her mom and went yesterday evening. My friend calls me this morning and tells me that she is very uncomfortable about something. She said that the mother was crying and saying that she was VERY uncomfortable. My friend turns her over and sees feces, and immediately, she can tell that this woman was severly impacted. Ms. Rich is crying her eyes out, and my friend proceeds to digitize her. A huge load of feces comes out, mom feels better and is able to sleep. I tell her that she is INSANE!! I said to her that she had no chart, no history of this woman, no doctor's orders. What if this woman had a cardiovascular problem that she was not aware of, and was digitized? I told her that then, Ms. Rich would have no problems suing the pants off of my friend, because THEN, she could have said that she knew better as an RN. I told her that what I would have done is insist that the nurses employed come to see this, call a physician and get an order for THEM to do it, because they have the history.
I also believe that by doing this, and the mother was relieved, again, Ms. Rich would ALWAYS want my friend to come with her to visit mom, because she feels that she 'has her own nurse' to care for her mother, ask countless medical questions, cause confrontations with the staff at the place because suddenly, she will feel educated because of my friend. I told her that everything is okay until something happens and then, the friendship and supposed loyalty will go out of the window.
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
Ok, ok, I just have to ask, when her friend turned the woman over saw that she was impacted, did Ms. Rich (thinking of other words that rhyme with rich) ask her friend to disimpact her or did she take it upon herself to do it?
My friend took it upon herself to disimpact her. At least this is what she told me.
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
No...not crazy. Just concerned. And I agree with you whole heartedly. However your friend is a big girl. There may be some aspect of the relationship you don't understand...perhaps Ms. Rich is fulfilling some need...
In any event...I think you should observe from a distance and offer counsel if your friend seeks it. She's a nurse...and you should respect her judgment. :)
Well, it is her situation, my friend is a grown woman, and it is too late, anyhow. I don't believe she made a wise judgement, but she's the one that will have to eat the crow she created.
No, I wouldn't have done it. I can't imagine a real friend of mine expecting me to do it, either.
I agree that there is something odd about this relationship. Is it possible that your friend may be accepting $$ or favors for providing services?
I don't think my friend is getting paid for this. To answer your question and Batman24's question, she is a people pleaser, in fact, I believe that she has some undiagnosed neuroses as I speak to her more. She tends to cater to those who crap on her, but turn on those who really try to be supportive of her.
That's a lawsuit waiting to happen. She should have called the woman's nurse and alerted her to the problem.
Her "friend" sounds like a huge user but for some reason your friend doesn't quite see it yet. Is your friend a people pleaser?! Been there and done that.
Also, I have to mention that since your friend disimpacted the lady, the staff may not realize that the resident is sorely in need of a scheduled medication so that it doesn't happen again.
Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.
she is a people pleaser, in fact, I believe that she has some undiagnosed neuroses as I speak to her more. She tends to cater to those who crap on her, but turn on those who really try to be supportive of her.
Deva, I believe you probably have your friend figured out pretty well. As you know, all you can do now is step back and try to be available when this other "friendship" of hers blows up in her face. (I expect that the rich "friend" is taking advantage, deliberately, and at the very least will dump her hard when she's no longer useful. At that, she'll get off lightly).
It's unfortunate but in her twisted perception of herself, the false affirmation she gets from this rich "friend" is more important to her than your true friendship. You tell her the truth, which isn't what she wants to hear, and this other "friend" feeds something in her. She turns on you when you try to support her because she can't handle the truth. She may never be able to handle the truth, which means she might never be able to really be your friend, and that would be a shame, but isn't your fault. She's the one missing out, not you.
You can be available if she needs you, but don't hold your breath waiting.
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
Deva, I believe you probably have your friend figured out pretty well. As you know, all you can do now is step back and try to be available when this other "friendship" of hers blows up in her face. (I expect that the rich "friend" is taking advantage, deliberately, and at the very least will dump her hard when she's no longer useful. At that, she'll get off lightly).
It's unfortunate but in her twisted perception of herself, the false affirmation she gets from this rich "friend" is more important to her than your true friendship. You tell her the truth, which isn't what she wants to hear, and this other "friend" feeds something in her. She turns on you when you try to support her because she can't handle the truth. She may never be able to handle the truth, which means she might never be able to really be your friend, and that would be a shame, but isn't your fault. She's the one missing out, not you.
You can be available if she needs you, but don't hold your breath waiting.
santhony, you are absolutely correct!
This young lady and I had a silly falling out years ago, and she re-entered my life around the time that I was accepted into a program at my job that allowed me a leave of absence with pay to become a nurse. While her advice and mentorship was appreciated, I always had a guard up, because she seems to make irrational choices. On a positive note, from working with her in the past, she was always a very compassionate, loving caretaker of the ill, and in most cases, I am sure that she does an impressive job as an RN (not that it means a hill of beans if she continues to do things like this).
I still continue to speak to her about issues and am honest with my thoughts, yet kind when she shares with me, but, I won't let it emotionally drain me. I see that she REALLY has issues, has had issues with self confidence and her choices of friends for a long, long time. Hearing this alarmed me, because I didn't think it was this bad, in spite of the fact that I warned her when she started telling me stories about her association with "Ms Rich". It also shows me to watch my own back with her, because she is not that stable, and heck, I like my license and what I do for a living.
Ms. Rich called her this morning and asked her to go with her to the hospital to visit her mother again. My friend claims she didn't go, and again, I warned her that she will compromise this her even further. She wants to go to the facility, rant and rave and have my friend back her up. She does have legitimate complaints about the care of her mother, for sure. But, sorry to say, I told my friend that it would not be me...I don't work there, I am not responsible for her mom's care. People who are affluent to that degree have the resources and are savvy enough to know who to speak to and about what. This whole thing is a train wreck waiting to happen.
Absolutely not. What if the woman had vagalled down? Or, God forbid, she had perfed something? Good Lord. The potential liabilities are huge. I can certainly understand wanting to aid someone in such distress but she went about it the wrong way! As someone else said, too, the staff is not aware of the problem so it's probably just going to happen again. She needs a bowel regime.
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pagandeva2000, LPN
7,984 Posts
My friend took it upon herself to disimpact her. At least this is what she told me.