I belong to many forums because there are so many pieces of me floating around. Anyway, as we just adopted a baby last year I belong to a huge adoption forum.
Someone there posted that they were having trouble deciding to adopt this certain baby due in a couple months because his mother had been diagnosed bipolar. They were afraid the baby would wind up with it and they didn't feel they could handle a bipolar child.
Now I took great offense to this (doesn't help that I'm bipolar) and replied to their post that the chances of passing this on to the child is like 15% and how would they know if any other baby whose birthparents were healthy might not wind up with bipolar or other illnesses, mental or physiological. They ended up refusing to adopt the baby. This completely incensed me and just goes to show there is still a lot of stigma out there where MI is concerned.
Someone from there PM'ed me on the site and tried to explain to me that all prospective adoptive parents have the right to take on what they feel they can handle. All I can think of though is that little baby who is being judged by his mother's illness.
Am I "right" to be offended? Should I have handled it differently or tried to educate the posters that agreed with them (about 25 agreed and about 7 supported my take on the issue) or what else could I have done or said...this topic comes up a lot in adoption I've noticed, quite sadly too.
Specializes in Ambulatory Care Management,Home Health.
I would not be offended by them wanting the "perfect child", is there is such a thing. What bothers me is the ignorance involved. If I had given up a child when I was younger I would have checked no h/o mental illness. However now that I have been diagnosed I would have to check yes. Would it have made a difference in the way I raised my child if I constantly looked for "symptoms" of bi-polar? Im sure everytime my child was crabby or moody or overly sensetive or didnt want a nap I would have been suspicious. It's like any onther "disease". Just because you have a familiar history of it, does not necesarrily mean you will get it. The child will be better off in a family that is truly willing to accept and love any child and raise it as its own without prejudice. Being bi-polar I can undersatnd your sensitivity to the issue-but understand that they are probably saying no because they are uninformed. Hopefully they find what they are looking for and the child in question has found a loving home. At least the Mom was honest enough to admit to a history of mental illness and not deny it, otherwise the family would never have known.
MsEnfermera
9 Posts
I would not be offended by them wanting the "perfect child", is there is such a thing. What bothers me is the ignorance involved. If I had given up a child when I was younger I would have checked no h/o mental illness. However now that I have been diagnosed I would have to check yes. Would it have made a difference in the way I raised my child if I constantly looked for "symptoms" of bi-polar? Im sure everytime my child was crabby or moody or overly sensetive or didnt want a nap I would have been suspicious. It's like any onther "disease". Just because you have a familiar history of it, does not necesarrily mean you will get it. The child will be better off in a family that is truly willing to accept and love any child and raise it as its own without prejudice. Being bi-polar I can undersatnd your sensitivity to the issue-but understand that they are probably saying no because they are uninformed. Hopefully they find what they are looking for and the child in question has found a loving home. At least the Mom was honest enough to admit to a history of mental illness and not deny it, otherwise the family would never have known.