Would you give up your dream job for a relationship?

[Alexxoxox, BSN]

I have kind of an odd question. I am due to graduate nursing school in a few months. I planned on moving to a bigger city once I graduate, because I have always wanted to work at a Level 1 Trauma Center. However, I am also in a relationship, and my S.O. said he would not want to ever move to a bigger city. I am just wondering, have you ever (or would you ever) give up your dream job for a relationship?

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Yes, I've given up my dream job for a relationship. At the time, I'd been married for four months and my husband (who had been trying to get into the Air Force and had been unequivocally rejected) received a phone call from the recruiter saying that his application had been re-evaluated and his commissioning was scheduled in four weeks. We didn't know where he was going, what his assignment would be or when exactly we'd have to arrive at his new duty station. It all happened so fast, we didn't have time to think before we were in the midst of it. But before we married, we had discussed his wish to become an Air Force nurse, which parts of the country we'd like to experience, and what I'd like to do next in my career. After the rejection, our focus changed, but the decisions had been made and discussed, so this wasn't new information or new territory.

You are talking of "giving up" a dream job that you don't yet have for a SO who, it doesn't seem, is a spouse or even a fiancé. Is this someone you might like to marry someday? Does he seem as though he is interested in marrying you one day? Have you talked about your goals and dreams for the future? If not, perhaps this is a cue that it's time to examine these issues. Or perhaps it's time for you to decide what is most important to you at this time in your life. It's OK to move to the big city to experience city living and the big city hospitals even if your SO doesn't want to join you there. Perhaps, if your goals and dreams are very different, it's a good thing for you to do so.

I would not give up my dreams for a relationship that didn't seem as if was the right one to go the distance. (Which isn't to say that I haven't actually done so; only that having done so, I've regretted it deeply and learned better.)

[elkpark]

That depends on the relationship. A long-term, functioning marriage (or other long-term, functioning, committed relationship)? Sure. No question. Someone I've been dating for a while and it's not clear where the relationship is going? Nope. Men (or women) come and go; your career is your career.

Keep in mind, also, that you are talking about a "dream job" that you don't really know anything about, just something that you have thought about as a possibility in the future, something you think you might like. Not the next logical step in your established career, something you've been working toward for a long time, or anything like that.

I will go ahead and say, because I'm sure someone else will soon if I don't, that, if this guy is a keeper, he will be willing to try to work out some kind of compromise/accommodation to support your career goals (as you will be for him, if you are "a keeper" :)). If the beginning and end of the conversation is "I don't ever want to live in a big city," that tells you something important about him right there.

Best wishes.