Working ruined my dreams of wanting to become a nurse.

[PrettyNerd]

Ok I might just vent here so sorry if it turns to be long.

If you guys have read some of my previous posts then you know I really hate my job, in my head I've already quit long ago! Yes, I've applied at other facilities, gotten interviews but haven't been hired, I'm stuck and can't get out! I had a passion for nursing, I did everything I could to get the best grades from my last pre-nursing classes, physiology lab/lecture and microbiology. I was crazy about becoming a nurse, I wanted to make a difference, help people and feel a sense of fulfillment from doing something I love. I volunteered at a hospital which I loved and got my CNA license, currently waiting to get into nursing school.

Anyway, ever since I started working at this facility, I wonder if this is what nursing is all about, because I'm not happy. I spend parts of my day in the bathroom, crying, looking for jobs, praying to God that something better comes along and get me out of here. No one there is trained to take care of people, no one is a CNA, but me. People don't care about the residents. Let me say something, the only nurse there doesn't do ANYTHING, to be honest, I don't even see her as a nurse, she might have her title, but she's not a nurse to me.

This is the last thing that happen. Why I am done:

About 2 months ago, a resident had a very minor injury to her toe, got swollen and was somewhat painful at first, it gradually became worse. It then became more swollen and was too painful for her to stand up (she was able to walk) or even move her foot. That's when I filled a report hoping that the nurse would come check on her, she didn't. Her foot/leg were extremely swollen/red, and now her other foot was swollen, she was in excruciating pain to the point where she would scream and cry, we needed 3 people to get her up in the morning because she was unable to move her feet, at all. It took about an hour to get her ready in the morning. At this point, the nurse still hadn't seen her, so I filled another report, updating her on her condition and explaining that she required more assistant due to her legs becoming extremely swollen and painful, she had developed some type of blisters along with drainage from her bad leg. Nurse still didn't do anything, even though the other aids had TALKED to her in PERSON. This went on for a month and I was shocked/angry that the nurse wasn't doing anything, never even stopped by to see her. It wasn't till the resident had had enough and she LOOKED for the NURSE, at this time it was so bad that the "Nurse" said she had to go to the doctor, she did and never came back, she passed.

I still hold a lot of anger towards that "nurse" because she never made the effort to see her and waited till it was too long:madface:. I feel very hurt because I was with her every minute she needed me, and assured her that she was going to get better, I want to cry every time I think about it because I felt like I was the nurse, actually I was her nurse.

Why do I put so much effort into helping people, comforting them, making them laugh, listening to their stories, actually caring about their health when the nurse doesn't care what goes on, she is not involved.

That's the example of a nurse I see and wonder if this is what I have to deal with in other facilities/life after graduating nursing school. Am I "too compassionate"? I hate feeling like this. I don't want to be a nurse like her, no thanks. Ugh, now I'm looking for minimum wage job, because I don't want to be a CNA at the moment, this place crushed my dreams of being a nurse.

[PrettyNerd, CNA, LPN, LVN]

From looking at your previous posts, this place in particular you have expressed you ave never been happy with especiallly since having your CNA certification to work as an aid there is not a requirement. Some of it may be your own attitutude towards the place from the beginning, which your posts have dated back a couple of years. Although I would still stand by my thought that you are experiencing some burn out. From previous threads you have mentioned several residents who have passed. How have you been able to handle their passing? If they were someone who you might have had a connection with, have you been able to grieve their passing and able to move forward knowing that depending on what their health conditions were they are in a better place now?

For the nurse, first there are some people who are always going to give the impression that other people bother them, but it is also very possible that she may be overworked, especially if she is the only nurse at this assisted living facility and depending on the number of residents that live there. The issue is even if she is feeling overworked herself, when changes occur in a resident that is causing new pain and affecting her mobility, things should have been investigated.

A break from working as a CNA may be a good choice for you at this time. This is decisiion that you will have to make for yourself. I would still encourage you to seek a job at another place if you want to do CNA work, but make sure your expectations of what the job entails are accurate. Much of what you are already doing within the assisted living place is going to be the same of what you would do within a skilled nursing facility. A change in environment may be what you need, but than you may also find that the things that bother you at your current place also end up bothering you at a new place.

Yes! Actually on my very first day of training they acted very unprofessional and I saw a lot of wrong things going on and some illegal too.

I worked today and during my lunch break, I broke down and called my boyfriend crying telling him I can't take it anymore, I don't want to be there, I feel depressed and mentally drained! He told me to quit and has noticed I'm not as happy as I once was.

I am not angry at the fact that she passed, I have seen it before, and even though it's not the greatest thing to see/experience, I accept it and know they are in a much better place. I am angry at the fact that she was perfectly healthy and nurse never checked on her once until it was too late, I KNOW she had more years ahead of her.

It's unfortunate that I am a little scared to try as a CNA again but you and my bf are right, I need a break from this and work somewhere else (non nursing related), to make myself feel better and be stronger when a CNA job comes in the future.

[FutureRN020]

That's why you need to become a nurse, so others don't go through the same thing. If patients are dying from their carelessness, then you need to report it.

[Iknowwha2du]

Nursing is a giving field meaning you give yourself to the patients, but don't expect something back. If you get something back you should consider yourself fortunate because it doesn't happen often. You are there for the patients and they don't have to like you or say thank you. They aren't suppose to disrespect you but it does happen. What I am trying to say is some of what you can go through can be borderline abusive in the nursing field, whether it is from co-workers or patients. It is a fast paced field and you are expected to operate as a robot sometimes. If you start feeling burned out, try to cut your hours or go prn. Just don't forget about your own health because ultimately if something happens to you, there will be someone else to replace you in minutes. Please take the wings off of your back because you are human and you can suffer serious issues that can sometimes be very drastic. You can't save the world. Just do your best and take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself.

[FPSRMF]

About 10 years ago I could have written this. I was a CNA at a horrible hospital with horrible nurses. I can't even write some of the things I witnessed.

I kept my head low and just did the best I could do. The other posters are right, do not burn your bridges and just make the most of what you can now. Eight months later my manager approved my transfer request to a better hospital and I have been there ever since.

Don't let one bad apple ruin you wanting to be a nurse. For one bad apple there are 10 good ones.

Good luck.