Working five 12hr shifts a week

allnurses Guide · Nov 13, 2006

It is very obvious that you want to stay home and burn your husband out, if you notice, all of the people who disagree (which you seem not to like) are nurses who work 12 hours shifts. I give you less than a year and you will be divorced than you will be forced to work. Dont ask for advice if you dont want to hear it. And please enlighten us all, last time I looked there were MANY part time positions in the paper, why dont you offer to babysit??

Are we all reading the same thread? :confused:

The op starts off saying that she wonders if this schedule is "insane" and then goes on to say that her dh is all for it and thinks he can do it.

The op has thanked people for practical advise but didn't like being called "selfish" or other negative things. How is calling her names helpful?

There is at least one MALE who has posted here who says he works 5 12 hour shifts in an ICU and he doesn't have a problem with it - is his opinion not valid for some reason?

I've mentioned that most of the men in the community I live in work way more than 12 hours a day and if they are farmers, they work every single day with no days off.

My husband would have no problem with 5 12's . . .it is less than he works now and he is not burned out and he contributes time and energy to me, our kids, the house, etc.

I agree that this can be hard but it is doable and some of the practical advice is very good. But the op is NOT selfish - her dh wants to do this.

steph

aggieamy5 · Nov 13, 2006

It is very obvious that you want to stay home and burn your husband out, if you notice, all of the people who disagree (which you seem not to like) are nurses who work 12 hours shifts. I give you less than a year and you will be divorced than you will be forced to work. Dont ask for advice if you dont want to hear it. And please enlighten us all, last time I looked there were MANY part time positions in the paper, why dont you offer to babysit??

Please do not tell me I will be divorced. You do not know me or him nor do you know our values/beliefs on divorce. Like I said my husband is totally happy with this idea. No one is forcing or pressuring him to do anything. He is a grown man who can make his own decisions. I have thaked people for their advice several times and am considering ALL of it (both good and bad). I just do not like to be called names or harshly criticized - plain and simple. Most everyone has been very nice and helpful, with the exception a couple of exceptions. I never dreamed that some would be so rude.

aggieamy5 · Nov 13, 2006

Are we all reading the same thread?
The op starts off saying that she wonders if this schedule is "insane" and then goes on to say that her dh is all for it and thinks he can do it.
The op has thanked people for practical advise but didn't like being called "selfish" or other negative things. How is calling her names helpful?
There is at least one MALE who has posted here who says he works 5 12 hour shifts in an ICU and he doesn't have a problem with it - is his opinion not valid for some reason?
I've mentioned that most of the men in the community I live in work way more than 12 hours a day and if they are farmers, they work every single day with no days off.
My husband would have no problem with 5 12's . . .it is less than he works now and he is not burned out and he contributes time and energy to me, our kids, the house, etc.
I agree that this can be hard but it is doable and some of the practical advice is very good. But the op is NOT selfish - her dh wants to do this.
steph

Thanks! I especially appreciate your help and encouragement.

allnurses Guide · Nov 13, 2006

Please do not tell me I will be divorced. You do not know me or him nor do you know our values/beliefs on divorce. Like I said my husband is totally happy with this idea. No one is forcing or pressuring him to do anything. He is a grown man who can make his own decisions. I have thaked people for their advice several times and am considering ALL of it (both good and bad). I just do not like to be called names or harshly criticized - plain and simple. Most everyone has been very nice and helpful, with the exception a couple of exceptions. I never dreamed that some would be so rude.

Hon, I think this may just be some people wanting to stir the old stay-at-home mom vs. working mom controversy because some of the responses certainly don't have any relation to the way you have conducted yourself on this thread. You have been very thankful and polite and in your very first post wondered if this was doable. That doesn't sound like someone who wants to treat her husband like crap.

You are doing the right thing in investigating this and your husband sounds wonderful.

steph

BSNtobe2009 · Nov 13, 2006

Im so sorry but as I read your additional posts you sound selfish and Have absolutely NO IDEA how burned out your husband will get. There is no reason why you cant work a part time job as well. Your asking for advice and we are all telling you the truth you do not want to hear.

There is no "I" in teamwork, and that is what a husband and wife is, a team.

All they can do is try, and her reasons don't sound selfish at all. I know husbands that work 3 jobs just so daycare so they don't have to put their children in daycare and they are very insistent that this is right for their family. If it works for their family, then it is right for THEM.

cenote · Nov 13, 2006

Personally, I do not do more than 3 nights in a row and have only worked 5 nights/wk, not consecutively, a few times. It's a no brainer to realize that this could be dangerous in that fatigue and nursing do NOT make a safe partnership. (I certainly wouldn't want to be the patient of a nurse on his fifth night). But you say that you have not become pregnant yet. So, here's the solution. If your job now does not lend itself to part time work...FIND A NEW JOB THAT DOES. You can even go back to school and get the education that would lend itself to shift work or do research on that subject. You could even consider working at the hospital in positions like "ward clerk", nurses aide, telemetry tech, etc. I'm 55 years old and graduated from nursing school last year. I was a stay at home mom and only worked part time my whole life. When after many years of marriage, my ex left, I had to find a new way to support myself. So, where there's a will........

CHATSDALE · Nov 13, 2006

every couple has to work out their own agendas

however one more point. if yo find out later that this isn't going to work you will have given up your job and there will children whose needs have to be met

if you are not a nurse you don't understand the physical and mental strain that can occur depending on the type of nursing//if he is doing med-surg at this time maybe this will be a good time to think of a transfer to something less demanding and how much he will need to increase his level of education...i dom't mean to throw cold water but give it some thought before you plunge in

Always Smiling · Nov 13, 2006

We plan to try this whole scenerio out for a couple of years before we try to start having kids. If it doesn't work then, of course, we will ditch the plan.

Here's another idea you may not have thought of Aggieamy. Since you state that you plan to try and test out the scenario you are asking about for 2 years BEFORE you have kids and your hubbie will see how well he handles working 5 12-hr shifts each week-- why don't you take these couple of years to test the waters to see if there is any other career you would like part time? I used to be an elementary teacher but when I got married and wanted to have a family I realized the hours that I used to work were not the best to have a family with. I would be gone from 7:30 in the morning until 4:30 at night, just the right hours to be home with young kids! So, I went back to school and have been working in healthcare for a couple of years now because this will allow my husband and I flexibility for starting a family. And yes, I was "older" when I decided to do this- but it's never too late and I want what is best for my kids.

There are other options for careers if yours won't allow you to be part time. Healthcare is full of 2nd-career workers who made the switch for many of the same reasons. I am not saying you HAVE to work-- if you truly do not want to work at all and be a SAHM, then obviously this option would not be for you. Just thought I'd mention it since I myself went through this and have met many others who have done the same thing. There are flexible careers out there, but unfortunatly many desk jobs and teaching aren't the best for that.

aggieamy5 · Nov 13, 2006

every couple has to work out their own agendas
however one more point. if yo find out later that this isn't going to work you will have given up your job and there will children whose needs have to be met
if you are not a nurse you don't understand the physical and mental strain that can occur depending on the type of nursing//if he is doing med-surg at this time maybe this will be a good time to think of a transfer to something less demanding and how much he will need to increase his level of education...i dom't mean to throw cold water but give it some thought before you plunge in

Yes. I agree. I'm not a nurse, so I will never know the type of mental and physical strain it entails. That's why I was getting feedback. I am skeptical of this plan because I know I could NEVER work that much, so I can only rely on what my husband says he could do and others advice. My husband and I do not plan on ever going back to school. We both have Master's degrees and have had enough school!! (My husbands Master's is in an entirely different field-HR management and he went back to get his RN). At least with nursing he has a lot of options. Much more than I have.

Retired R.N. · Nov 13, 2006

I know this is going to sound totally insane, but I am determined to be a stay-at-home mom. In order to do this my husband would have to work the standard 3 12 hr shifts and then pick up 2 PRN 12 hr shifts, as well. Therefore, he would be working 5 12 hr shifts in a week (preferably in a row, nights). This seems like a lot to me, but he swears it will be no problem, as he has never had problems in the past with sleep or feeling tired. I'd love to hear any thoughts on this. Has anyone ever tried anything even remotely similar?

I won't go so far as to call this plan insane, but I will say that it reflects a serious lack of experience with the realities of housekeeping and rearing children. If your husband is working all these long hours at night, he will need his sleep during the day. How do you plan to keep children quiet enough to make this possible and still get all the housework done without any assistance? What happens when one or more of the children gets sick and keeps you awake most of the night? When do you sleep? What happens when you get sick? Who takes care of the children and does the housework then? Have you ever had any actual experience of 24/7 with infants or small children?

While I commend your wishes to be a SAHM, I would like for you to think very carefully about your future before you commit you and your husband to a lifestyle that can be deleterious to the health of either one, or both, of you.

How do you plan to cope when your husband is sick? Would you be able to support your children if your husband became disabled and could no longer work?

johnnrachel · Nov 13, 2006

Okay may I say politely. Why dont you work 60 hours a week for the next year on your feet ALL 60 hours, mentally draining yourself for 60 hours a week and then see how you feel???? If you are both a TEAM you can save all this money the next year and this wont be an issue will it????? Many people would like you to babysit their kids and it pays very well after you have kids. As far as the comments from the farmers out there who work 60+ hours. Having peoples lives in your hands is very different when your exhausted. Face it this girl is planning already now she does not want to work a full 2 YEARS before it really happens. Sounds to me like she doesnt want to work. plain and simple. I did not see that you were even expecting yet.

cenote · Nov 13, 2006

You are right in that you can only rely on your husband and advise of others about working as a nurse 5 nights a week. While you spouse may say that he can do it, the results of this pressure will surely be negative. So, if you have a masters, you should be able to get part time somewhere especially with advance planning. Substitute teaching is one job that comes to mind. Regardless, as many have said, when you open your mind to the advice given on this forum, you'll find a way to bring in enough money so that your husband doesn't have to work those hellacious hours. Oh, and how about scaling back right now and saving enough while you both work so that the strain is lessened when the blessed event does occur?